Socialist Realism

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Nearly the end. Ukraine is my final significant destination I'm going to tell you anything about. After that its a brief stop in Western Europe to see friends I haven't caught up with in a while, then it's home.

In a way, I'm already winding-down from the trip since the adventurous bit is finished now. I've been to the Ukraine before, I have friends in Kiev and I know my way around. I can thoroughly recommend Kiev for a short city-break if you fancy a change from Paris or New York: it's a lot of fun with great restaurants and bars and you'll see a place that's a little different from where people normally go. But for me it's no chasing around dodging mopeds anymore; no hoofing around with my backpack trying to find accommodation - the most adventurous thing I'm going to do here is order food. I didn't take too many pictures either - I'm sorry, as I've been around and seen the sights before and didn't feel like doing so once again, so instead I'm going to give you something different.

Statues and Architecture

Ukraine, like other ex-Soviet countries, has some beautiful and fascinating buildings which unfortunately I can't show you. Here's why: if you were a military commander thinking of invading somewhere, I suppose one of the first things you might concern yourself with is the railways. You would want to prevent the enemy's troops from moving around the country to defend it and so you might set the railway stations as an early target. But best not bomb them as you'd want everything intact to let you move your troops around, so you'd need to send in soldiers.

And so during the cold war, to prevent information falling into the wrong hands, photography was forbidden in many public buildings. Some habits die hard it seems and it's still forbidden now. It's a pity since Odessa Railway Station for example is beautiful, very grand, and full of relics. I call them relics since they're from another time. Soviet stars moulded into the ceiling plaster; paintings and statues of heroes with intense frowns of concentration, looking slightly upward and somewhere off into the distance, leaning forward as they advance towards a better tomorrow. "Socialist Realism" the style was called by art critics - 'Socialist' because like all industrial or agricultural output, art belonged to the state instead of the people that produced it; 'Realism' because abstract art wasn't allowed - ordinary peasants didn't have the intelligence to understand it. Normally there is a tool in the forward hand: maybe a rifle or a hammer or possibly an important piece of paper if the subject was a politician. The trailing arm is straight with a palm-open waving others to follow too. Sometimes the statues were monstrously huge in a subliminal attempt to intimidate the population with the power of the state. The thinking being: any government that could erect the 62m high Rodina Mat statue in central Kiev could surely deal with any popular uprising.

I'm not having a go at them by the way. Compare and contrast the Soviet Union's statues and paintings with the Bush administration's ban on photoraphing the Iraq war dead, or the UK's 'dodgy' dossier. Propaganda lives on even now.

It wasn't long ago the Ukraine was a very militaristic society. Someone said to me there once: "Scotland has very brave soldiers..." That was their version of a compliment, whereas we would say something to them like: "I hear Ukraine is very beautiful." You'll still see soldiers walking around off-duty in fatigues, whereas ours were instructed to take theirs off years ago for fear of attacks by the IRA. And in many of the ex-Soviet countries where people are not well off, to be in the military is still seen as a good thing, and numerous of the people I've met when I've been here before have seen service. Any official, such as airport customs officers or security guards have quasi-military uniforms - ours do too, but without the forage caps. The border guards and officials in railway stations here remind me of Felt Mountain-era Alison Goldfrapp.

Feasts, Toasting and Real Food

If you are lucky enough to be invited to somebody's home or otherwise entertained by Ukrainians, a few lines about what to expect. The affair is broadly similar to the description I gave in Georgia, so here as well, you should not refuse an invitation to somebody's house for dinner as it will be seen as poor manners. Invariably there will be a table with some kind of hierarchy of places. Sit where you're told, which if you're the guest will be near the host at the 'top' of the table. There will be bread, tomatoes, cucumber, gherkins, raddish, cheese, lettuce and some very tasty pork fat. There will also be shashlik which means 'barbeque' and out in the garden the men will be getting the fire going, sticking meat on it and handing beers around. Resist the urge to get involved in the barbeque, all guys generally think this is the one bit where they know what they're doing and they wave the women away. The Ukrainians (and Georgians) do this all year round and know what they're doing, whereas us Brits are lucky to get 4 or 5 barbeques in a Summer with our weather. So if you think you can see someone going about it in the wrong order, leave them. Jut shut up and watch, drink your beer, though not too many just yet... and I can recommend downing some water as well.

When the shashlik appears on the table, that's when it all starts. You will be poured a vodka (in Georgia, some wine) and the host will raise his glass and make a toast. In Ukraine it'll be a quick affair, clink the glasses, then we eat. But in Georgia I found the toasts can be long and rambling, with sub-clauses and brackets, qualifications and footnotes, and several times they appeared to be finished and we all raised our glasses and then he continued talking again.

Then once the feeding starts, you must eat, not just to show your appreciation for the food, but to help deal with the sheer volume of alcohol you're about to drink, because from now on the toasts are going to come about every 5 minutes. You ever drink about 12 shots in an hour before, for maybe two hours? For women it's acceptable to take a sip and leave some in the glass, but men are expected to down it in one and you'll see some of them up-ending their glasses afterwards to show this. Don't drink on your own, that's also poor manners and anyway, you don't need to as in a minute the next toast will be along. I only get through these things by keeping a glass of water topped up and if I can down one every couple of toasts, I can normally break even until people stop eating. A lot depends on how big a guy you are I suppose, so most of the times I've done this it's been impossible to avoid showing people that I am the lightweight.

At some point, I've been told that traditionally it's the 3rd toast, someone will toast all the women, but in practice it doesn't always come that early. If it does happen, the very next one will be from the women in response. Whatever; usually by around the 5th toast it's acceptable for the guests to propose one of their own, so you should have been thinking of something decent to say come your turn.

If you don't like public speaking yourself, try this one which I've been using for a while if I'm with people I've not met before. I say something about being a tourist here and using my guidebook to find places to see. But then I point out that sight-seeing isn't the real Ukraine (or Georgia, or wherever...), then wave my arm around to indicate the food and my hosts, finishing with "this is the real Ukraine", and that normally gets big smiles and nodding heads. Sometimes after that if anyone on the host side has a bottle of whisky, that might come out, then I'll get asked my opinion on it's quality. Of course I am always complimentary, after which they slug it back as a shot and I might wince depending on how expensive it really was. I keep telling myself I'm going to return some time with bottles of Lagavulin, MacAllan and Rosebank and a bunch of glasses and teach these guys how to drink whisky properly.

Once you've got a guys who are pissed up, from a militaristic society where men are real men and have things like axes lying around, all bets are off about what happens next. One time there was knife-throwing with my friend Jimmy as a very willing target. Another time there was a banya - a Russian sauna - once, but that was with altogether more genteel company. Always there's the hazy ride home of course, with some short-lived dehydration the next day. I wouldn't recommend anything athletic, that's bad news. The good news is the food is all for real - Ukraine isn't technologically advanced enough yet for mechanised food production, so if you walk through any market, all the tomatoes are of different sizes and colours. Given what I said above about statues, it's funny to spot the ways in which we think we're ahead, with the ways in which we're definitely behind.

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Photos

M.V. Griefwald
Poti sea port, Georgia. A cold and shivering bunch of passengers on the ramp at the back of the Ro-Ro ferry M.V. Griefwald.

Black Sea Sunset
No green flash, unfortunately. Typical: Halong Bay in Vietnam and the Inside Passage in Alaska, I got low cloud and eerie foggy landscapes. Across the Black Sea, nothing for miles: bright sunshine all the way.

Unknown soldier memorial, Odessa
See poses like these in statues and paintings all over the ex-Soviet Union countries.

Potemkin Steps, Odessa
Couldn't find a baby in a pram to borrow anywhere.

Odessa Shopping Arcade
Odessa has some very Western European Architecture, in contrast to the statues that one can find dotted around.

Independence Square, Kiev, Ukraine
The site of the Orange Revolution in Winter 2004/05 when the people took to the streets and refused to leave until the rigged election that had returned the pro-Russian candidate Viktor Yanukovych was annulled. This was the one in which the eventual winner, Viktor Yushchenko, survived a suspicious dioxin poisoning.

Victory Day Monument to Soviet Cities, Kiev
In the background, a series of posts each with the name of a Soviet "Hero City" where World War II battles were fought. In the foreground a tank which on the 9th April which people will covere in flowers to mark Victory Day.

Comments

[Gary ross]

Toast to marty
Hey Mart I see you've overcome your fear of toasts:) if we're toasting, then I propose a toast to your tenacity to travel without knowing where you're sleeping that night... For almost 7 or 8 months! Also a toast to keeping your blog vocab and style fresh. A welcome relief to the bland credit crunch blah we get in the uk media at the mo. Shame I wasn't with you to do the video "reverse gear" style. Drop by twickenham if u fly into heathow. I got spare room in a nice riverside location for your rehab if u need it. Gary

[EdVallance]

Awesome blog, really well written, thanks! I particularly liked your descriptions of Socialist Realism and being invited to a meal. Having lived in Russia for a year, spent 3 weeks in Armenia and a few days in Latvia and Estonia, the meal and toast descriptions are extremely familiar and bring back many fond memories! One thing I don't agree with is that other ex-Soviet countries have no beautiful or fascinating buildings - a little exploration of either Russia or Armenia will prove that this is not true.

[mharleyuk]

Whoops, Ed; I didn't mean to imply that and I apologise if I've chosen my words poorly. There are indeed some fantastic buildings in the other ex-Soviet countries too. It's just that I chose to write about other things in my Georgia and Armenia entries. I'll check my text again and re-word things if necessary.

[Ann R]

Hi Martin. It's a pity you haven't been invited to a Ukranian wedding yet. If you get the chance (or even gate crash - they won't mind) you'll experience what real drinking is all about. Having grown up in this environment it probably doesn't surprise you that I can't stomach spirits. It's not unusual for there to be a bottle of vodka and a bottle of whisky every 2 couple at a wedding feast - to start with which can go on for 2 days. The birthday month toasts - to get the party going which means if they sing your birth month, it's whatever you're drinking down in one - makes for a very cheery occasion! Anyway - jealous sick that you've managed such a lot in such a short time and promise that when (if) you decide to come back, we won't be bored with all the photos.

[puteri]

black sea
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