Hostel One Centro

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Moved yet again. This is the last hostel! I'm worried this hostel will be noisy, or that I will be the noisy one rising at 6-630 for my first day of work tomorrow. I didn't want to pay anymore for a private room, and this place was the least for the time I will be here. Next week I will be in my room, hopefully settled, and constructing a schedule to begin my life here in Madrid. I purchased my Abono yesterday, and I guess it was then, that I realized I was not visiting Madrid. I am going to be living here. That makes me smile. I have had such an amazing time this far. I made some mistakes and spent lots of money. Once I am established with work, my first priority, I can take measures to bring in other means of income.
I should be preparing for tomorrow somehow, orientation helped, but I figure I won't know what/who I'm dealing with until I get there. I have no expectations, but to learn and to teach. I've been thinking of ideas, and what it I can do to make the English language fun. I'm certain I will be singing and dancing most of the time. One of the visiting auxiliaries from last year commented how English assistants will need to leave their inhibitions at home. I have no problem with that. It is a job. Finally. Work. Maybe I will be as good as I felt I was with the tutoring. I brought my books with the hopes of using what it is that I can to help with my pedagogical style of distributing information.
No plans for this evening. I don't want to sleep. I took a nap yesterday and woke up to meet Renato, I couldn't talk myself out of it. We agreed no bars. He was 40 minutes late (to my 30 minutes tardiness.) He brought a friends, something that Gera would have done. We met up with more people at Casa del Jamón- cheap drinks, lots of meat hanging from the ceiling. I was happy we weren't at a bar, though I did drink (my second time that day, had lunch with people from orientation then drinks at una sidreria.) I was buzzed and prepared for the questioning of R's friends. one asked why I was in the country, why Madrid, and why I chose to come into the country with such a minuscule lexicon for the language/culture. I answered as best I could, I was not ashamed, nor scared of such questions, heck, I asked those very questions to myself. The gentleman seemed content with my answers, or he was just drunk and trying to get into my pants (so maybe he wasn't such a gentleman???) R saw this and became a little possessive, cute at first, but like he said to me before, we were with his friends. I couldn't talk/react/respond to them? Stupid. I ignored him. From CDJ we ended up at a cerveceria/resturante across the street. I didn't notice until we all sat down that it was a seafood themed place. My appetite plummeted at the thought. R ordered paella. At my response to the dish, his friend, the gentleman from before asked why I was not eating, and how paella was very Spanish. I didn't care. I don't eat seafood, I could barely stand the smell. R was his usual self, I explained how much of a little firecracker he was, how I was not tired and able to converse, to do my best this evening to have a good time (tiempo rollo???)
The bill arrives, R looks at me as to insinuate that I would be paying. For what? I did not eat, I had half a coca cola (R drank his and mine eating paella). His friends were drunk and talking to every person passing by, some of which weren't the most response (to my surprise) and others who joined us for the time being and left soon after. I placed down the cost for my coca cola. R had no money. His friends were talking between one another. I was getting upset. I wanted a cigarette, though I simply cannot revert to smoking, not for this bullshit, not for anything. R asked if I had anymore euros for the bill. I slapped down a few more euros and crossed my arms. He looked around at his friends, becoming very irate at the situation. Why was I there? The oldest friend grabbed what coins were on the table and went to the bar to pay. We all got up and exited the place. It was raining slightly, the wind made the weather chilly and I shivered while waiting for R and his friends to decide where they would be going next. Black and White. Fuck that. The oldest gentleman, the one who paid, was going to stay behind to talk to his friends at the bar. I was saying goodbye to him, he responded with how handsome I was, drunk and delirious. I didn't want this at all. I said goodbye, and tried catching up with R and two others. They were far ahead of me, and in the rain, knowing my hostel was mere blocks from the plaza we were at, I just headed for my warm bed.
I'm thinking that is my last encounter with R. I need to promise myself I will not allow my loneliness to abandon what self respect I have. R's actions just overshadowed what little I liked about him. Maybe because he physically resembled an ex lover, maybe I missed having sex, maybe I need to be treated like crap to be thankful for what I do have. Karma?

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