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Published: July 28th 2010
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Venice is the most expensive city in the world that I have seen, but it’s worth it. Whenever I’m locked somewhere and I feel like I’m forced to pay an exuberant amount for something/everything, I make the remark, “These bastards think they’re Disneyland.” In this case, Venice IS Disneyland. Venice is
far betterthan Disneyland. Venice is a real freaking city, built in the last millennia, where all the buildings are fantastic, and the streets themselves are works of art.
There is nothing that can possibly prepare the well-traveled voyager, who has seen hundreds of cities, for the miracle that is Venice. The idea of so much water in a city is simply unfathomable, to make a small pun.
What struck me, as I rode the public water bus for two magnificent, sunset hours, was that the city did not have to exist at all. The land itself was originally just murky, half-sunken islands. But not only did they build a city, they built a magnificent empire. This place is a monument to the capacity of human art and ingenuity.
The largest drawback to the city is the sheer cost of absolutely
anything there. Public toilets are €1,50 per use. This has the
residual effect of out-pricing the city’s handful of bums, which forces them to either piss in the canal, or piss on the buildings. This itself has the residual effect of causing many of the city’s beautiful corridors smell like urine.
In another example of the city out-pricing itself, I found it impossible to find something edible for less than €6. Instead, I waited in a bread line for a loaf of fine Italian bread, which I still paid €1,60 for, along with my carton of cheap wine, also costing €1,60. You know you’re in a tough city when you can’t even eat like a bum for less than $5! While I waited in line, I observed the woman who served the customers, slamming every item down on the counter with exaggerated frustration. I laughed each time she did, which I suspect increased her level of agitation, which made her slam it harder the next time, causing me to laugh harder…
The bread ended up being both a blessing and a curse. I suffered the inevitable fate of any person who decides to sit down in the middle of a public plaza with a big loaf of bread, as hundreds of
pigeons attempted to interrupt my meal at several intervals. The best moment was when I finally tossed a hefty chunk of bread a good distance from me, hoping to earn a reprieve for a while, while watching the birds fight each other. I was very pleased to watch the arrival, out of nowhere, of a large seagull, which announced his entrance with a loud squawk before stealing the whole piece like a true asshole. Oh, how I admired that bird!
It occurred to me that in life, we can either squabble around on the ground with our heads down and fight each other for scraps - or play in the air until we are strong enough and bold enough to carry the whole thing off.
I started the day at an Internet café, where I was helped by a very gay Filipino boy. He giggled and farted while I used the computer. He eventually got on my nerves so much that I left before finishing my 30 minutes, which I’d paid €2 for.
I wandered through the streets until I found the Marco Polo Bookstore, and bought what I’d been searching for since Palermo - a copy of the
Travels of Marco Polo in Inglese. This made me very happy. I felt my luck was so good that I decided to shoot for the moon - to visit the Armani shop and model a suit. This had been my failed objective in Milano. Indeed, Venice is a magic place. The sales associate, Monica, helped me accomplish my goals; she even took the photos so that I could let me wife make the decision on which $1,500 suit to buy.
There’s more to this story, but I’m hunting for my handwritten notes. This is not a good sign. I very much hope to find these, and I’m privately freaking out about it.
Best to you,
Brennan
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