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Published: January 27th 2011
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30. nov. d katameran. smokin. own room,own toilet. em say big storm comin.8 mtr waves, u crazy if u go 2day. saw on blog xie make hitchhikin actress in chevrolet comercial.nice.she is very active.couchsurfin,writin, ect.i, just movin arround.
ok, matt ,captain , wana sail. we must trus. i like: like a hitchhiked speed racer, em drive like crazy, but i had no accident yet.bit worried bout gettin seasick, have no medizin. prblem:we drink yesterdaynight b4 sailin.
matt,captain, is caotic
cos somethin need repair we must stay. no escape of storm,no racin away, we must wait till monday,5th, till storm, mayb pass.
seems matt is ok.2day we put underwind sail in in wich we had some stresssituations in wich i couldnt understand him. i couldnt act,i have 0 sail xperience.yep seems i ll learn sailin. cool. i like.
cool. 1st sailboat hitchhikin is atlantic crossin.
0,33 can beer, underwear. mp3,chembros,smoke.night.crosslegged on blue carpet.3rd night stayin with giada.
morn.blue carpet.eminem on laptop, smokin.
sangria,mp3,smokin,night.me on carpet next bed, she on bed, checkin emails.prepare 4 p.jacksons lonly bones.3 days till sailin.
4th.morn.blue carpet,smokin,irish folkpunk on laptop.giada take shower n prepare breakfast.
the relationship.much 2 write about(still smokin,fabri fibra on laptop),my cowardice.insecurity.complex stuff, ect.
11th
dec.1st day of atlantic crossin.morn,frontdeck,mp3,smokin.rigth:blockhouses of gran canaria city against dry,treeless,hills. left:open water.clouds loosin emself in blue ,warm sky. an airplane,there, preparin 4 landin.
giada: i like her, or identyfy her with d good time i,we had? want her or only d happyness?giada, is u or me?
crew:julio,23,north italian.martin,29,hollandese.french girl,aurelie,32.i.mathias , our captain,german.
theres d difference between act n words.we sayed:we will meet again, bout feurary in caribe. hm. hmhm.
evenin delphins acompain us, under, next, us.watch us, we watch em. kaptain plays harmonica. seems em like, seems em dance.everbody happy.
2nd day.bit wavy sea,feel unwell.am much in bed.no vomited yet.blade runner. drivin lesson.
3rd day. think bout giada. wanna write bout it.mweans inside wants 2 confront with it?
mp3.a mojito,smoke, secrcet garden.kat floatin in2 sunset.saw dolphins again. did some nice swimmin. leavin las vegas
4th day. its official.captain hate me, think am idiot.2day ,even tru made no wrong, he offended me deeply with strong words.fortunally me no touch me deeply.
9th day. as we got no good wind, we allisgo south till cabo verde, searchin tradewind. we r slow, probably gettin food problems
sometimes we see dolphins, playin in front of boat.or we swim, jumpin from boat from wich
nice musik accompains u, we have drinks,nigth movies,interestin crew, a crazy,alkoholic, captain, we read, some study, the cap tells stories, i am passiv. life is slow, ok.once a day captasin flips out, insultin. it dont hurt us much, we know, is his way.saw huge blue yellowsfishes(dorado),snorkeled tru em.bit fera but nice.saw whale.
capo verde. d little hotelroom,2 beds,marteens, guglio n me share. smoke.mp3.
captain fliped out,total, set us out at capo verde,stayin with ouyr fee. even got imigracion problems cos him.
i love copo verde,caribbean feelin, bit xpensive ,yes.borin landscape,but livley city,colorful, xotic,nice.
hotelroom,chem bros,smoke.mornijn.em, friends, r worried.seems much mo difficult 2 find boat from here. i feel 2 good 2 b worried.
hotelroom,hollandese hiphop, smoke.mornin. gain free internet at lebery.
again 2 passive boat searcher. ll ask 4 em cargoboats.
2 new catamaran. 2nd day. 2strong movin sea, yesterday seasick,2day took pill. its mp3,its smokin.
found after after 2,3, good n 3 down days french catamaran.320 till st.martin.kapitan speaks only french, all crew members is french speakin. i speak none french. as no masteercard works had 2 ask mama 2 send money via western union. i n 2 days was 1st robbed(but got it back) then after allmost asaulted(but
saved by locals) rob story was funny but will not tell here 4 personal reasons. left in huge catamaran 2day catched big fish.cool.
play muchy chess,speak simplefied english.again,easy n fast, catched big fish. dorado corphen. 7kg.
learn how 2 play pokeer.have bad poker face:good cards , i grin.
6th day.eat everyday fish.
8thy day.mornin.my watchturn,smoke.mp3ed.i feel nice on this boat.feels am liked. feels nice.
as brought no water n as d salted tabwater is undrincable even as tea, i nsurvive by bout 0.3-0.5 water a day. is ok.
life here: breakfast, hangin arround, playin chess,read,talk.each day 1 must cook n make d dishes, lunch,kaptain takesd nap so me n geero smoke mp3ed. after play poker,chess,read,talk,do some handicraft.sometimes watchy amovie, paralell(since morn) fishin n fishcleanin.dinner, we choose nigthwatch, speak n go 2 bed early. at night 2hrs nightw2atch.as gero n me share bed, 1 night sleeps he outside, 1 night me. catched swordfish.saw whale,dolphin.
at such times his thoughts would b full of calorous deeds:he loved this dreams and the sucess of his imaginary achievements.there where the best parts of life, its secret truth,its hiddn reality.they had a gorgeous virility, that charm of vagueness, they passed b4 him with an heroic
treat, they carried his soul away with em n mlade it drunk with d divine philtyry of qn unbounded confidence in itself.
lod jim/j,conrad:
arrived st,martin.left boat.we ,5,xcrew,sleep nice city beach, 2tents+2people outside, fuckin country ,mo xpensive than japqn.
read n herad that there is big criminality problem here.
full touristic orient beach,must try 2 sell, no?got 2,50 us smokin,good;nice
didnt go seasick, but once.true,didnt learn sailin
here no seems backpacke country.
sold 40 us ,unbelievable fuckin cool hairstyles em black have,
camp ,cos criminality,mostly hiddn awat in bushes.
is true, watercalor of all beaches is fantastic, nice sand, st,martin is touristic, with unspectacular vegetaion, no fruits,palmtrees on d beach, many sailboats,.many whites.
whqt i miss here is d flair,carisma,feelin.cabo verde had mo flair.
giada writes, but i read between lines that it is finished.true: each letter from her hurt me mo n mo.
truth.1st i liked her, but then she faded out.she bcame abstract, a need 2 fill,heal, brockn ego.like a child i wanted 2 have somethin , not 4 d somethin, but 4 d have.i sense ,fear, that she had some1 else, but even tru i would do samesame am gelous.am egoistic,unfair n aware that i helped 2 destroy relation with my possessivness(overbearin):my letters obsessionate, despeate 4 feelin.
dont missunderstand, yes, i would like relation with giada, of course.
but my heart grin, d color of sea, so much beauty.sold 20.
Question: if its not her i want ,so why i fix;focus,so much on her?why not let go when i know its over, why torment myself with jelous thoughts?
how long b4 i can stop runnin arround like a crazy chicken shoutin: please love me, please aprecciate me?
oftn i sit, apreciate beauty, warm evenin light shini n on all.wind caress plants, lightblue water, animals play. sometimes feel warm inside, sometimes love.
d key is: patient, paciencia.relax nike, what comes comes.
morn,tent
ok, the way it works out with giada shows am complelty unfit 4 relationship, samesame was with xie, it reaches back 2 lus,2007
paradisic mulett bay, smoke, preparin 4 snorkelday.
morn,tent
am paranoic.
feel how she get distant in letters, how she leaves me.
is :am angry?no,00, is only sad.
disculpa giada, que soy un po pesado.b4 i was not like that. is new style. i know, i dont like neither...
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