Crazy Dave

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Since my adventure getting to Isla de Ometepe, I have been all over the place on the south Nicaraguan coast, hanging with a group of other surfers, going from spot to spot. I met a super cool guy from NC, he graduated from UNC and I was sporting my tarheel shirt, so naturally we started hanging out. I took a ferry across the lake with a friend from London and a true, flesh in bone gypsie. I always joke about gypsies and laugh about how they steal everything, but in actuality, I had never really hung out with one. We left the London guy at the port and shared a cab with a couple from Spain over to the port of San Juan del Sur. We got a room at a cheap little hostel and went out on the town. I ended up meeting these older guys from Hilton Head who took us out for a lobster dinner, it was SO nice to have a gourmet meal, after eating rice and beans for 4 months. We went out on the town and met a big group of surfers from Vancouver and decided to travel north with them for a few days and check out some of the bigger breaks. We all piled into this tiny truck, a little rear wheel drive Nissan extended cab. We put 7 people in the front, including the driver, then threw all of our bags in the back and piled 9 people on the rails. We took a long, winding dirt road up to the beach spot at Playa Maderas, not knowing the risk we were taking. We approached a very steep hill, and the driver gunned it, but the poor little Nissan just did not have enough in it. We made it about two-thirds of the way up the hill, then the truck ran out of momentum and sliding precariously backwards towards a ravine. It all kind of happened in slow motion, as we all tried to jump out of the back of the truck, but to no avail. It was too packed down with our bags, so we had no way to free our legs. As the truck started sliding sideways, amidst a flurry of screaming, I fell out of the back and onto the road, certain I was about to be crushed when the truck flipped. Luckily, it did not, and I walked away with some large bruises on my legs and a few scrapes. We finally made it to Maderas, stoked about the sight of enormous barrels coming in, but a little shaken up.
I paddled out right near high tide, thinking that it would not be much overhead, and I was terribly wrong. There are 3 or 4 breaks that split off, mainly rights, which are my favorites. The first wave I dropped into was actually quite peaceful, smooth and glassy with a good amount of speed. There is always an offshore wind here, so you are pretty much gauranteed waves. I stayed out for 5 or 6 more, when I finally got humbled by the ocean and got out. I dropped in on a large left that was not crazy huge, but I would say maybe feet overhead. Big mistake. I completely screwed up and ended up getting sucked up and over the falls, then washing machined for what felt like 30 seconds. I promptly paddled in and called it a day.
We ventured down the beach in search of a place to camp, and stumbled upon signs for ¨Surf Camp Hideout¨. It sounded cool, so we hiked up the hill and found crazy Dave, our psychotic comrade for the last two days. Dave is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, to say the least. His spot is second to none, perched on a hill about 100 meters up overlooking the ocean, with one of the best sunsets I have seen in at least a month. He just can´t seem to get it together, though. He calls the place a restaurant, but there are no menus and he just cooks all you can eat, usually without a single patron. He rents one bedroom on the second floor for a horrible price, and offers the worst camping I have ever experienced. However, he left the next day, and we had the place to ourselves. He started yelling at my tent at about 6:30 in the morning, instructing me that I was to run the place for the day, because he needed to get his lawyer drunk in order to get some free legal advice. We were told to spread the word down the beach about taco night, and that he would be back before sunset to cook it. So of course, we go all out and promote this thing. We painted 2 signs and went to the other hostels and recruited people, because Dave told us that if we brought a crowd and helped out in the kitchen, we could eat for free.
Fast forward to 7:00. Still no sign of Dave, and the place is semi-full with people waiting on taco night. Dave rolls in with some other ex-pat, completely filthy and belligerently drunk. What ensued was a 3 and a half hour ordeal for dinner, with him tyrading around the kitchen, barking out orders to us and changing his mind whenever he remembered he had one. It was a full on circus, and the people were digging it. Dave was throwing around pots and pans, cursing, smoking, drinking, and genuinely enjoying himself. He constantly switched from telling us that we had ¨blown the whole operation, a complete failure...¨to insisting that we were the two finest cooks in Nicaragua. Dinner was finally served at 10:30. The people filed out as Dave kept raging about this and that, and we were left to clean up the mess. Dave and his pal left at midnight to go to the bar, furious that we did not wish to join them. I stayed up until midnight, then went to the tent and fell asleep. I was awoken at 3 or 4 in the morning by the sound of a loud truck and Dave yelling my name at the top of his lungs. I was terrified. He barged up to our tent and through a hurricane of obsenities, made it very clear that we had no choice but to wake up and join him for, ¨free damn beer, damnit¨...he literally pulled me out of the tent and dragged me to the bar. No joke. Luckily him and his friend survived only for about an hour before passing out mumbling to themselves, so I finally snuck away and got about 2 hours of sleep. We got up with the sun while he was still asleep, and tallied up our bill, left the money on the counter, and got the hell out of there. I will never forget Crazy Dave and his schizo tendencies.
Off to San Jose today, then down to the Carribean again for one last beach set. See ya´ll back in North Cackalack before you know it....

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Comments

[Dino]

Good laugh
Thanx for the visual. I almost pissed myself laughing. Very jealous of the right breakers. Keep the dream alive. Peace.

[your mother]

Holy Mother Mary
Are you trying to put me in therapy? Have you lost your mind? Do you have a death wish? It sounds wonderfuly awful and I, for one, am glad you are returning this week so I can finally blow out the prayer candles and along with Mary and all the saints can get some sleep. You amaze me, frighten me, challenge me and intrigue me...be safe my son...and NEVER stop seeking the divine...you have found it in many places these last few months, huh? love, Mom

[lizardking]

thats crazy dave all right
hes like that every night, try staying there for a month, then youll be a veteran. either way, you must have had one hell of a time, sounds like he had one of the more extreme nights while you were there. Hes not always that bad. Somehow I was always able to avoid his rages, then the last night I was ordered to "get the fuck down here for some burnt quesadillas and beer" and he gave me one of his good ol' torture sessions. It was all good while some chill folk were there, around 6, and 12 at one point. Even so, the place to stay is in the chicken shack right on maderas. that place is beautiful. Thanks for the perfect description of a night at daves, peace . . . cheers

[Mark]

I know Crazy Dave too, and hes crazy
Whats up man! Great blog on Nic. Just looked up Crazy Dave to see what came up and found this. Very acurate description! I just wrote about him in my blog too, although not half as well as you. If you want to check it out its www.marklivin.blogspot.com

[the cuban]

crazy dave and the padrino
I saw him get clobbered at a bar resulting in his nose being broken.He was k. o. ed and never dropped his drink.amazing! Jason and Max live near crazy dave and are real fun to hangout with.

[Tom]

And it go's on
right now i am living on Playa Madera at the Chicken Shack. I've been here for about a month now. My first week here was experianced living with Crazy Dave. The week included Daves usual rants and raves about how he was scheming to kill his partner and bury him in his shit tank... WHAT?! The carcus of cat lay on the path up to Daves, the week before dave had shot the cat. When i told Dave i wasnt going to be eating in his "First Class Restaurant" he through two plates across he room at me. Another night he refused to make dinner and then stumbeled off drunk and let me do it. When Dave stepped on one of his cats it lashed out and and scratched him. Dave - "FUCK! Im gunna kill thay fuckin cat" he presumed to walk into the kitchen grab a knife look for the cat hiding under a table and throw it as hard as he could, the cat dodged it, the knife broke and Dave mumbled, "well that was unproductive" These were just a few of the escapades and we endured during our week. All in all Dave has the best place on the beach with the shittiest Management. Haha, the reason i searched for this article was because Dave was quiet proud to say you could search him under google. Quote on Quote "ya im all over the blogs, one guy even said im a few sandwhiches short of a picnic, i dont know what that even means, i dont like picnics". It is a must stop if your going through, unless you are a girl, as Dave can be extremely sexist, racist, and homobobic. so if you want to be his friend just tell the most ruthless jokes you can think of and he will eat them up. o ya the other night he had some fun throwing malatov cocktails into the woods surrounding his house. Dave may sound crazy but its o.k. About a month ago he crashed his dirtbike, since then he has been addicted to Vicadine and starts drinking as soon as he wakes up every morning. No, thats fag shit. - Crazy Dave. Tom