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Published: July 21st 2013
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Klein Curacao
This island is the best part of visiting Curacao When we arrived to Curacao our taxi driver made a quick stop at a combination Denny’s/casino to pay a guy some money because he didn’t want him to “come looking for me later.” When you pay 35 dollars for a taxi, you wanna make sure you get a sketchy “I owe someone money” stop thrown in for free. Plus, I discovered that combination Denny’s/casinos exist. All guidebooks tell you to skip eating at places you can eat at home, so we took their advice and indulged all of the fast food vices we miss from North America that have set up shop in Curacao/Aruba. Let me start out by saying I love the Dutch. They tend to be some of the kindest people you will meet travelling, very tolerant of others and constantly uploading things on the torrent sites that I later download. However, every nationality has their peccadilloes, and here are some of theirs. Every Dutchman we encountered wore boxers under his swim trunks. The purpose of swim trunks is that they dry quickly after you exit the water, which is completely negated if you have some soaking wet undies on underneath. Lotta smokers. The airport in Aruba has to
Willemstad
Curacao is much larger and has a much better downtown than Aruba, they have this weird floating bridge that floats out of the way when boats come. be the only airport in the world (outside of the Netherlands) that still allows smoking. To me the Dutch language sounds like a mixture of English, German, and the Swedish Chef from The Muppets. Basically put “wiener” in front of whatever you want to say. “I’ll have a wiener beer” or “I’ll have a wiener massage.” Also, little babies wearing bikinis are hilarious, because putting babies in adult clothing is always funny and even the most developed baby certainly doesn’t need the bikini top but we use them anyways. The Dutch don’t, even when they’re waaaaay past baby age. Weird. The papimiento word for thank you is ‘danki’ which sounds like donkey so if you think people are making fun of your teeth, ears or behavior they’re probably just saying thanks. We sat at a nice little ocean-side café to have Caribbean lobster (they don’t have claws, which is my favorite part of a lobster) but a few minutes after sitting down a big ass rat appeared next to our table (I’m guessing he was the chef after seeing Ratatouille) giving me a threatening stare. I would have screamed and ran but my natural instincts tend towards neither fight nor
One sexy lady
At some castle in Willemstad flight but rather submissive quiet death. Klein Island is amazing (as you can see in the pictures). But other than how beautiful it is, it also has the best snorkeling I’ve ever experienced. We swam with a sea turtle for several minutes before he outpaced us, just a meter or so above him. I kept expecting him to high five me or talk like the turtle in Finding Nemo but alas he did not. We saw a much bigger one as well, but at a much greater distance. Pink flamingo flocks flew overhead, there were very few people on the island and the lunch was amazing. There’s a very commonly used word in the Aruban language/dialect papimiento which is dushi. Dushi, pronounced like douchey (as in spray tans, super deep v-necks, wool stocking hats in summer, etc.) and means sweet. They have dushi water, dushi bands, call their boyfriends dushi (it means sweetheart also), and in an instance where it works in both papimiento and the English colloquialism, an all you can drink dushi party boat, which is always sporting what the douchey refer to as a terrible bro/ho ratio.
We rented a car to shake the
Klein Curacao
Those people are probably wearing their underwear under their swimsuit. rust off our driving skills before getting our new car. While touring (getting horribly lost) the island we came upon some people who scurried into their car and we noticed a scattering of undergarments and outer garments that indicate they were buck naked hiding in the car. We probably stopped some baby making on accident, you’re welcome Earth #overpopulationsucks. We climbed the highest “mountain” Aruba has to offer, and were rewarded at the top with a year’s worth of cell tower induced cancer and a view of Venezuela (it’s 18 miles south of Aruba). I got bit by a fish FOUR TIMES. He kept attacking my super hairy ass mossy looking legs, I must’ve looked like Old Gregg. Creamy Beige. Hairy Leggggggs. Whatcha doin’ in Hairy Legg’s waters? It’s true what they say if you walk in with confidence you can sneak into any high end hotel and use their fine facilities. The hardest thing for someone with a lisp to say? Ruths Chris Steak Houses. What a horrible name for a restaurant. Dorito tacos taste like regular tacos, but I guess the excitement is the extra chemicals. There’s just no doing 12 days in Curacao/Aruba without getting severely burned,
especially with my complexion. When it peeled I smelled like an arm just out of a cast, and didn’t look much better either (see photo). Two of the three largest water desalinization plants in the world (Saudi Arabia is first) are in Curacao and Aruba since they have basically no fresh water. I had a crab rangoon that had real crab in it. I had no idea such a thing existed. I told Maria to expect (crab rangoon hasn’t made it to Canada I guess) a fried badminton birdie with a pouch of crab-less cream cheese. Mandarin, you’ve duped me for 25 years! I saw Piero during our layover in Bogota, he still looks like Nacho Libre. I think a lot of people who use public restrooms are embarrassed when they take noisy, explosive watery poos but I really feel like it’s the people who aren’t blowing it up who should be embarrassed. I mean if it’s not an emergency why are you in a public restroom? Poop at home you disgusting animals. For schadenfreude*, I don’t know much that beats watching the crushing look on people’s faces as they try and wave down the bus you’re on and the
Hotel pool
In Curacao, we never actually got in but it looked nice. driver doesn’t stop.
TV: We caught a Wicked Tuner marathon one night in the hotel, it’s very entertaining.
Movie:Caught the Croods on the airplane. New is always bad! Never not be afraid.
Book: I finally got around to reading The Earth Abides but didn’t love it.
Music:I mostly listen to Caroline Glaser songs on youtube and Kala Farnham's cover of the Gin Blossoms 'Hey Jealousy'. I’m not sure why people don’t cover this song more, since it’s easily the greatest thing since lasagna.
It was a very dushi trip,
~T
When you're on an airplane, there's a thing called plane etiquette. It goes like this: Window gets an armrest and a wall, middle gets two armrests, aisle gets an armrest and a little bit of extra leg. We're not animals. We live in a civilized society! ~Jim Jefferies, Legit.
It's so cute, they don't even realize yet they're going to be nuns. They want to wear princess outfits, and I'm saying, "Here, play in this habit." ~ Jim Gaffigan, on dealing with his daughters growing up.
*roughly pronounced as shard-en-froyd-ah, I
Kontiki Beach Resort
Another shot of the resort didn’t know this so I thought perhaps others had been mispronouncing the hell out of it as well.
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Jeni
non-member comment
I
Find it crazy how you live so close to the equator and still burn super bad. I feel like you should be the darkest white dude ever.. If anyone noticed your skin flaking off, I hope you told them you had leprocy. Nothing like freaking out strangers for no reason