mattkingdomwalker

In the beginning there was wideboy; This dear reader, is where I ask the question that everyone asks; where did it all begin? the Pig and Whistle. You will find my friends that a lot of stories involve a typical English pub. There I was, working behind the bar of a public house (public if you're over 18..unless dodgy mike got you a fake ID saying your name was chip and you were from minnesota) all was good, I was happy with my,er chosen path ( for some god knows reason my mother had decided that sitting at home at the age of 18 eating turkey steaks was not quite what she had imagined for me when she sent me to a private school that meant she had to work a number of jobs, yes i ... read more

Let me let you into a little secret that travellers rarely tell people..not everyone who has been biten by the travel bug, welcomes its sting, i feel like i'm breaking the masonic code, that ive told you the ending of the da vinci code, that bruce willis is actually dead in the 6th sense, kevin spacey is the kaiser in usual suspects and that dumb and dumberer does not get better the more you watch it. but its true, ive always romantasied about travelling, discovering new parts of the world (apparently there are other towns on tenerife apart from play las americas) discovering new cultures and wearing beads to prove that ive found myself. but dear reader if thats what i can call you, wanting and doing is very different, and herein lies the secret, some ... read more

I’m not sure why he did it, im not sure what possible reason he could have for doing it, im not sure he even thought about the consequences of his actions, but dear reader, he did it, he shaved his legs. Let me take you back to the start of the day, I had awoken from my beautiful peach schnapps (as mentioned before, this was not the description I had used when discussing it wit h the lads) and still had the faint moment before your awake dream, that I would awake in a big double bed with a beautiful lady next to me, the African heat pouring through my windows and fresh coffee already brewed. Eyes open, not quite what I had imagined, Wideboy was walking around showing off his tan, beer in hand and ... read more

Sleep was difficult that first night, the serenading continued for an impressive few hours, fueled by Alcopops and the occasional flash from wideboy, i have a feeling he has no boundries, cracking, i share a room with him.. we went out that night, myself ginge and wideboy ran out of our room, hoping to put some distance between us, the cockroaches(not the the girls across the vista) and the alluring brown decor.. to the other lads flat, white walls, view of an actual garden, english translation not spanish, tiled floors, shower that works and light, i knew i should have paid more attention to the ceefax page which we booked our holiday from. how remiss of myself, let me introduce my traveling companions, ginge, dipper (dear reader dipper is also 7up, his nickname will change as ... read more

As we rolled on throught the countryside of tenerife, past los christanos, past the pub that my dad allegedly ran off to, head down, theyll be a bar bill in their with my name on it no doubt, always could rely on him for that. into las americas, somehow the islands authorities have managed to come up with a name that drums up comparisons to las vegas, desert town with bright lights, dreams and adventures, cocktails and gambling, fortunes made and fortunes lost..clever marketing that.. las americas, bright lights, slight smell of vomit, Wiagn pier pub, high rise buildings, england flags and ireland flans next to each other on the 37th floor or casa dona lola hotel, thought about the irony of those 2 flags co habititng with each other, but then i realised that words ... read more

So this is where it really began, this is where i first recieved the bite of the unwelcomed travel bug..further reflection will also show this is where i recieved my first bit of an infected mosquito, soaked with drunken scottish blood from the bloke next door i imagine, as well as my first sight of a ginger man at full erect first thing in the morning singing Bros tunes in the shower..a momentous holiday i think we can all agree let me explain how i got here, some of you might have read about wideboy inviting me on holiday with him and my moment of weakness and saying yes..i think in part it was down to me still working to work out if bears actually shat in trees, must check our bear ghrylls on bbc 2 ... read more