Tenerife, first night before first morning

---

Sleep was difficult that first night, the serenading continued for an impressive few hours, fueled by Alcopops and the occasional flash from wideboy, i have a feeling he has no boundries, cracking, i share a room with him..

we went out that night, myself ginge and wideboy ran out of our room, hoping to put some distance between us, the cockroaches(not the the girls across the vista) and the alluring brown decor.. to the other lads flat, white walls, view of an actual garden, english translation not spanish, tiled floors, shower that works and light, i knew i should have paid more attention to the ceefax page which we booked our holiday from.

how remiss of myself, let me introduce my traveling companions, ginge, dipper (dear reader dipper is also 7up, his nickname will change as we go on, if you dont recognise a name, its him,) greek, beer rash, lloyd (think dumb and dumber, the first one obviously, ive already ruined the sequel for you) he also has a name change(he might well appear as bergerac at some point) wideboy and myself, the reluctant traveller. these are my life long friends, decided by fate, common interests and a shared philosophy of just getting things slightly wrong. i love them as family, a man is lucky to have 1 friend like this, i have all these gents and they will remain for my closet friends till my last day comes , but i blame them for everything, they have ruined me, they have made me the man i am today and i hold them responsible.

we went out that night/morning, im not sure what 4am is but its certainly something ive never experienced, i would normally be at home watching tv, if my mums reading this..watching baseball in the early hours, eating. if shes not reading this, then i was watching tv but baseball was not on, well of sorts it usually was, there was lots of balls and big sticks but usually in the hands of female players, well you try making an analogy of baseball and VHS porn..

we walked down the strip (anything called the strip is a sign to any reluctant traveller to put stage 1 of getting home early into action, stage 3 is crying at the airport, stage 1 is the got a few problems at home so need to check in..any of the charecters mentioned reading this now might suddenly get a flash back..sorry gents..i digress

the strip, bobbies and busbies, the mentioned wigan pier, the king burger takeaway, the somalians selling tommy hilfoger genuine t-shirts, (i know that americans aren't clever but im pretty sure that tommy hilfiger can spell his own name) and the people..oh god the people, swarming around like flies on the proverbial, bottles being smashed, shirts up to armpits, t'shirts tucked down the back of the shorts, push up bras, and this was just the pensioners..england shirts, ireland shirts, scotland shirts, no welsh, they cant find the way over the bridge and they dont want to have to pay 5.05 pence to get back in..i digress

we did what every self respecting lad would do in this situation..well i suppose youre all thinking that we jumped in the nearest, got knee deep into women sans life vest, take a chance, we're on holiday, drink our own body weight, pull, take her into the alleyway, then burger..well no, not quite, we walked to the very end of the strip and found the emptiest bar and decided that we would drink there every night. That we didnt have to even go in any off these bars..well, most of us, wideboy was already off on his own somewhere, t-shirt off, skirt up to armpits, heaven for him basically.

yes we got drunk, but we got classy drunk, lager and peach schnapps which no one liked(i did, knew i was different, kept that quiet though) and went home via king burger, not in any way is it burger king, that would be breaking copywrite law, but i did enjoy my flame grilled whapper..

laugh, mock, welcome
the reluctant traveller

---