hobosapien

After a nap, we introduced ourselves to Emily. Let me back up. After landing at Heathrow yesterday, a lady in Customs & Immigration gave us a stern look. "How long are you going to be in the UK?" was her first question. "Three weeks," I replied. "Where are you going after that?" "Paris." "And when do you return home?" I paused. "November, maybe?" She furrowed her brow in a manner indicating that the concept of "travel" may have never crossed her mind in all the years she'd had this job working in an airport. "What are you going to do for work?" she asked, as though she wanted to desperately follow it up with "...you dummy?" "We're not," chimed E. "We saved our money." "Wait... you can do that?" was something she almost said but didn't. ... read more

A quick stop in Providence for lunch with the final tier of comrades kicked off the five-hour drive to JFK, the airport that hates travelers. Security gave me a little guff for my stick of Old Spice High Endurance which, despite being a solid, violated their "three ounces or less" liquids rule. (They let me go because I smelled so nice.) Once settled in the terminal, futile attempts to connect to their stupid Boingo wifi hotspot drained the battery of every device I had, thanks largely to electrical outlets that are so inconceivably absent you’d think it was a point of pride. The gate for IcelandAir (the cheapest ticket across the Atlantic) is positioned next to a reprehensible theme bar with Sammy Hagar’s name on it, where the bartender generously offers a free exasperated scowl with ... read more

Sparing no expense for this journey began with booking a flight on Spirit Airlines. If you're looking for comfort, try something more luxurious like the back of a flatbed pickup truck; otherwise, Spirit is a great place to wantonly spend money. Like most American businesses who, in the face of a wintry economic climate, try to grow profits by charging more money for the same old shit (forget the logical solution of charging less to entice you to buy more), Spirit is among the many commercial air carriers who have taken to extorting a premium for checked luggage as well as on-flight amenities like snacks and beverages ($3 cup of ginger ale, anyone?). But Spirit boldly takes it one step further: they continue to gouge for each carry-on item you have, effectively encouraging you to bring ... read more