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Published: February 16th 2006
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Elephants, Rafts, Canadians and Pig's Testicles. All of the above have one thing in common.... our hill trek in Northern Thailand.
Our trek promised to be non-touristy and in the main held out well. It was actually more of a trek than we had imagined (Lara was thinking of a gentle stroll in the hills which of course would be flat - which part of hill and trek does she not understand - the girls supposed to be quite bright!!), but instead we were pouring with sweat within minutes, wading through rivers and climbing up near mountains (Lara's words).
At first we started quite gently, lunch in a local village and getting to know our fellow treckers - 3 crazy canadian lads and a guy from NZ. The Karen tribe that we visited live in lowland valleys and rely on agriculture. Although the men wear western clothing and football shirts at that, the women wear thickly woven V Neck tunics in bright colours. Karen tribes are the biggest in Thailand and amount to almost half the hill-tribe population. The kids were gorgeous and very poor (thats the villagers and not the Canadians). Our guide had bought sweets to give
them which we thought was great. It is touches like that that had attracted us to the trek. We knew we were not one of 100 other tourists being shown through that day. We still, even after India and Bangkok find it hard to believe that people live in such conditions, but they are the happiest people you will ever find. Well, I guess if we smoked that much Opium....
After traversing a river by building our own stone bridge accross it we mounted some elephants (not in the biblical sense). Andrew rode on the neck and looked positively petrified the whole way. They were not the most obedient of elephants to say the least and enjoyed a lot of stops. Our elephant quite liked the bigger elephants willy in front which caused a few problems and smacks from the mahout. THEY ARE HUGE!!!!!!! Hung like a Donkey does not even come close (again we are talking about the elephants and not the Canadians). The ride involved a lot of wetness. Every stream we stopped at required an elephant bath and a passenger shower. That is, water was squirted at us at every opportunity by our elephant. Funny at
first, but once the wetness seeps into your bones it starts to become a little tedious. Having bathed and "cleaned" ourselves (the loosest possible use of that phrase) in the local river we arrived at our first stop for the night - the local village. What a charming tribe the Paduang villagers proved to be. Great hosts, although the food was somewhat dodgy...........
"The spice on that pig testicle was actually quite hot" is not a phrase one expects to hear often. Especially from Lara, who up until now has been one of the fussiest eaters known to man. Although she is a lot better now and will eat most things, pig testicles were not on her "menu". So when offered a plate of "local food" she volunteered to be the first to try (I know!! Some of you will literally not recognise the Lara coming home. Give a girl a new surname and she gets a whole new personality!) After popping it in her mouth she realised that it was not meat and after "it" popped in Andrews mouth he identified it correctly as a pig testicle, although I am not sure what frame of reference he used!
Identifying ejaculating balls is not what I thought he did at work! The evening passed relatively unscathed after what we refer to as the "pig incident" and we were treated to local dancing around the campfire by the locals and an international sing off not that different from Fame Academy as Canada and the UK sung against little Thai girls. As we lay around the campfire gazing up at the sky the sight of so many stars is something we are definitely getting used to. The sky was beautiful! Not quite as good as India, but we can pretty much see every star constallation we want to every night. We would never miss it in London, but it is something that does not fail to amaze you.
Whoever thinks it is good to live in the country should try spending the night with a rooster - or more accurately a million roosters accross the plains of Northern Thailand. There is a reason why we live in the City and I think we have at last correctly identified the leading factor in any future house move to "the sticks". Noisy is not the word. As well as being freezing cold
again we were sleeping on a bamboo platform with little in the way of sound insulation. If one gets going they all start, however, not may roosters can perform to their full and we heard more "cock a doodle dont's" Or even "cock a doodle's" than a full on "cock a doodle do". We think that made the whole episode even weirder. However, just when you think it cannot possibly get worse.....THE FROGS......
After another early start we started off again. We mainly walked through a river through the jungle and up and down some massive hills until we stopped for lunch. Super noodles eaten from a banana leaf with cutlery cleaned in the river. I guess by now our stomachs are pretty hard core. We stopped for a swim, or at least Andrew did. It was way to cold for that. A very scenic hike however. Northern Thailand definitely has some of the best scenery we have seen in the way of hills. Camp for the second night was a hut nestling in the botttom of the hills. A questionable kitchen provided excellent fare and we settled in for another night around the campfire. This time the guide
proved to be the best entertainment. We say guide but he was not your textbook guide. More of a loony who just knew the way we were going. Absolutely wasted after sinking 3 bottles of Sansome (rum) Running into the fire, freely handing out marjuana. There was a lot of drinking and a bit of puking by some (not us). It was a good night however the walking the next day was hard going with Torres the guide extremely hungover, progress was slow to say the least! There was a lot of lieing down and a lot of water consumed. In hindsight however, those who imbibed the most got the best nights sleep. Frogs are REALLY REALLY noisy. Andrew expected this from when he lived in the Jungle in Indonesia. Lara did not. They really have to be heard to be believed!
So, following a bamboo raft ride home and a visit to a local Akha tribe, whose custom wear is headresses of beads and feathers and silver ornaments, we arrived back in Chang Mai. An excellent few days. It was nice to do some walking for a change although it is quite frightening how unfit we have both
become. The sightest excersize is really hard going. Best get another massage!
A massage and some shopping later we left Chang Mai for Bangkok on our way South again. Two tiresome travellers on a quest for the sun!
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