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Published: September 25th 2006
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Preface
In highschool Sam, Eric, John Jenkins, and I swam over and jumped on a water trampoline in Lake Sammamish. On the way back we saw a couple romancing on the dock next to us. Naturally we made our way over to go underneath the dock and make noises- But within ten feet of completing the mission, our seals training failed and I busted up laughing trying to stifle it by going underwater.
Not a terribly exciting story
Interview
Pat to Sam "What do you recall about that fateful evening?"
Sam "Yah- I remember there were a lot of us in the water, I seem to remember John leading us, I think he wanted to get into some mischief that night."
Khao San Road (or Sarn depending)
Its about 3am, and we are sitting on a curb outside of 7-eleven in Khao San Road. This is a completely different activity than say if one were to be doing the same thing in the U.S.
Hookerlogue
This microcosm in Bangkok is a mix between an embassy and a portal- offering tourists protection as well as generating a grungy drunken backpacker vibe. Its fun
The starbucks challenge
We lined up three hundred contests- for a blind taste test- one cup Mekong Delta Water- one cup Chao Phraya River- One Cup Starbucks Frappuccino- and we have a clear winner- (judges note- all three tie as a diahrettics) for about a day- and after that we've just stayed cause it's cheap and easy. And of course the people watching-
The People Watching
Hence why we find ourselves outside of a 7 eleven at 3 am. Khao San is full of rastawannabes garbed in fake dreads and Jamaica flag colors head to swollen toes- Earlier in the day there was a western street family act. The daughter used a screwdriver to perform the equivalent of a whooping cough test. (Metal pushed into the back of the nasal cavity) This of course tickles in a painful way. (Junior high whooping cough scare of '99). Mixed memeries make me move onward.
The first encounter
I regally swagger (soberly) to the 7-eleven from our coveted curbside seats alongside street vendors. In my absence a stranger B-lines (as in boy with breasts aka a Cattoi) towards Sam.
Sam's Recollection
"She asked me what time it was and where my friend went...(20 feet into across the street) Naturally I answered the questions...I think she was a hooker.
Although at this point all was unknown and we moved back to people watching. I with a
recently acquired red fanta in hand, Sam with pad thai.
At this point...
We had reached the dangerous Conan O'Brien viewership level. (The time of evening where one is tired enough that everything is a little funnier and Conan doesn't seem so much like a weirdo)
30 Minutes later
The Same Cattoi Approaches us.
Cattoi "Hey."
Pat "Hey."
Cattoi "My friend- she wants to meet you."
Pat "Oh...(akward pause) I'm not like that."
Cattoi "She's not some low level street prostitute- She goes to university."
Pat "Oh."
Cattoi "So you want to have a conversation- she wants to get to know you..."
Pat "Err...?"
(Sam laughing a bit in the background)
Cattoi "See now you've made my friend mad"
(she motions abstractly to some girls that never come into focus, careful of course not to gesture too large as the heels are difficult to balance in)
conversation coming to a quick close
The cattoi does a some sort of runway model turn in front of us as Sam crescendos into laughter from the situation. The cattoi laser-devil eyes sam who
Gifts from Asia-
Mom and Amanda- I know you wanted silk- but comeon! Fur is in- turns his laugh perfectly into a cough as I then completely lose it- followed by Sam and then the street vendors.
Pat to Sam frankly-
"Do you think she was a hooker?"
Next Night
This day we set up shop about 30 yards away- still in the heart of the action.
Sam "I kind of want to see a brawl tonight..."
Pat "I think ther will be one soon...at least tonight. I've been getting this weird vibe and people have been eyeing me funny (hoping in the back of my mind that I don't get dragged into something).
3 Minutes Later
Two men literally fly out of the restaurant we are next to- roll across the sidewalk and break apart on the street. (A move sam later deemed "Had to be choreographed)
Pushing and the general drunken fighter babble ensued ("I'll kill you,"..."I'll tear you to small particulate and mix your ashes with water to create a gentle agitant and exfoliate my skin over what remains of your dead body" etc.)
Let your fish visit the 70's
Or one of those teeny bopper stores- this sand is from the Chatuchuk market- Along with the goods Denmark exports came a few of the bads
Meanwhile some Danish girls seat themselves unnecessarily close to us.
After a large circle developed around the brawl cops broke it up with some whistles and a straw broom.
The conversation next to us
(Acting cues)
Two latecomers to the action (englishmen) bum a cig from our neighbors. Dialogue becomes audible
Girls next to us "Man you should have seen it!! The cops pulled out their guns to break up the fight"
(acting cues)
Englishmen emote clear disappointment in missing seeing guns drawn.
(Psychological explanation)
I'm not sure really there is one- but our short conversation with them ended up on guns as it has with every English male (4 of 4) that we've talked to on the trip.
The english men runoff- and as a conversation starter I pleasantly ask the girls sitting next to us-
Pat "Where are you from?"
Girls "Denmark- and where are you from?"
Pat "Seattle- USA"
Girls "Oh...America...You're Americans. I'm sorry"
(Actors cues)
Sam and Patrick with a mixture of confusion and annoyance
This dude is straight from the gremlins
Possibly the coolest petshop owner ever tilt their heads and provide the appropriate body gestures to elicit further explanation.
Girls "You know (muffled noises- something about George Bush) You guys just have no idea.
And she was right-
At this point- I had no idea why this conversation was going down this road.
Pat "No idea about what?"
(for the record everything said by the girls before was in unison- perhaps rehearsed)
Girl #1 "In Denmark you see- we have documentaries and stuff. The U.S. doesn't have those. The whole world is against you, you just have no idea."
A brief pause
Girl #1 "You guys just don't travel anywhere- to see that the rest of the world is against you."
For the record- I looked on the map- and couldn't find Vietnam, Cambodia or Thailand- so they must not be places to travel...
I exchanged a few more words, and then the conversation sort of fizzled out.
But seriously
Seriously- if anyone can tell me what a "documentary" is or where I can find one- I'll get back to her on whether we have those in the U.S.
(Also
if anyone speaks Danish- could you please tell me- are gun and broom the same words?)
But seriously
I in no way have anything against the Danish- as a country or people- nor do I think that these girls are an accurate reflection of Denmark- Intolerance breeds intolerance. Dang I think I used a cliche- Intolerance breeds stupid cattle.
Later that night
We hung out with some more people (including a cool danish guy named Simon) and watched this dude Sorren hit unabashedly on a married woman twice his senior- while drinking beer at 3 am. And tonight I blog- and pack- and blog- n
Cheers
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