Stop the bus I want to Phi Phi

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"There is toilet downstairs...but only for pee pee, not for something stronger, if you do something stronger smell come up to passenger, kill everybody only pee pee understand?"

The bus conductor is giving us some precious words of wisdom prior to our overnight departure from Bangkok to the Island of Phi PHi and I hope to got the fellow passengers trust his advice, the bus being as uncomfortable as it is. Phi Phi is an island far to the South, famously known as the spot where they filmed the movie "The Beach" and I can't wait to get there!


I'm in mixed spirits leaving the capital, part of me is glad to leave behind the full on assault on the senses that is BANGKOK, while another part of me will miss this city without peer, to describe Bangkok as a city with a pulse is akin to describing Venice as a city "with a few canals"

Earlier on we had our last walk around the the capital and while crossing the street in Bangkok traffic feels like playing Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol the city can still surprise you.

While frantically searching for an elusive temple, being harassed by touts and tuk tuk drivers at every angle. we got frustrated and took a stroll down a side street and within seconds the whine of mopeds blaring of car horns subsided and it was just us on a street so quiet the only sounds were the local Thai's going about their business preparing food and repairing everything from car engines to televisions. Its worth noting that even on these relatively quiet streets there are still street food counters set up at every square inch of available pavement, thais seem to want to get there food on the go, not surprising considering the pace of life here! Exploring these backstreets was something rewarding and new, doing the same thing in Buenos Aires or Rio De Janerio would be tantamount to swimming off the Shark infested coast of South Africa dressed as a seal, but in Bangkok is completely safe and shows you a whole new side to the city, its not all Ping pong show and happy ending massage. The particular neighborhood we were in was close to a number of temples so we saw amid the daily street life a lot of buddist monks in their orange robes walking about, a getup that kind of remind me Jedi nights from the star wars films.

In the meantime our bus has stopped in a buffet style eatery about the size of an airport hanger for our half way meal. The food is free but considering there is a thumbnail sized ant swimming in my rice and the meat is stone cold I decide not to partake...to do so would no doubt lead to me uncontrollably having to dislodge "Something strong" coupled with a high fever and breaking the sage words spoken to us by the bus driver. The eating hall is so massive the sounds echoe and the noise of a chair scrapping aganist the floor sound like humpback whales.

Seeing as I have another 7 hours of busing it I decide to use the facilities ad I am greeted by my first Asian squat toilet. I stare at the dark dank skidmarked hole in the ground as confused as I am horrified and it stares right back at me. If this horrific apparatus was sentient and possessed vocal chords I would have no doubt that Roger Moore era James Bond villain laughing would cackle from its foul depths.

I stay a short prayer that thankfully I only require a quick slash and then notice I am sharing the cubicale with no less then several thousand other entities most of which have 3 body parts, 6 limbs a pair of wings and most unseeingly biting mouthparts. The mossies, knowing their prey come here and expose themselves have set up a full scale buffet service in the toilets, an eating hall within an eating hall if you will.. Soon I feel the sensation of of small creatures dining on my exposed flesh and I exit the stall vowing to hold my bladder until I arrive at my final destination.

Apparently the Thais have done away with squat toilets in most tourist areas of the country and I am only likily to come across them off the beaten track, if thats the case I will simply have to make like a bear and take a stroll in the woods.

I get onto the bus, smelling like a hippo, eyes like heavy pendulum and all I want is to go to Phi Phi.

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Photos

A toilet warning sign
Only Pee pee on the way to Phi Phi it seems

The King of Thailand
You see him everywhere, insulting him or his image lands you in prison!

Food counter
Try the locusts!