Thailand 2nd time around; the A-Z of SE Asia; and Rod gets a great new nickname.

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If you think you've seen this blog before, you have - was one of the ones lost but I managed, with lots of help from Liz (thanks so much!) to recover it, and think when I hit 'publish', you'll get an email alert again. Sorry if you've already read it..... Thanks also Beth (my sister) who has spent loads of time trying to recover my other stuff!


So, back in Bangkok for the third time now. Almost feels like coming home to come back here, and I have to say that though when I first came to Bangkok I didn't like it that much, it's definitely grown on me over time.

When we were back here a couple of weeks ago, I had still been planning to go on to the Phillippines - I was going to go down to the islands with Barry, Rod and Eimear for a few days, then come back here and fly over to Manila. My plan was to spend maybe a month in the Phillippines, then a month in Indonesia, then go to Australia after that, though my original ticket to Sydney had been booked for the 1st August. But after we got back from Vietnam and Cambodia, I started to feel differently. Mainly feeling quite tired of Asia; don't get me wrong, I've had an amazing time here, really great experiences, and seen some incredible places. But 9 and a half months is a long time to spend in Asia, when, alongside all the great things, much of the time you're also dealing with the constant hassle and tourist touting, which can get a bit relentless at times. Also I've got a bit sick of rice and noodles, despite having also really enjoyed the food. I still had to book my flight to Manila and try and co-ordinate with Jean and Ronan (who I'd met in India) who were going to be there still for a few days when I got there; and I started to think: I've already got my flight booked to Sydney (I hadn't changed it yet), I'm kind of craving to be in an English-speaking country and a westernised environment (I know, I know - I was saying the opposite after I left India but this is four more months on...) and just for things to be a bit more straightforward. I to-ed and fro-ed on it for a few days, thinking, will I regret it if I don't go to the Phillippines and Indonesia, as this is my chance to do it; but my travelling aims were never to see as many countries as possible, they were to have quality experiences, and not plan too much, and go with whatever I felt like at the time. So I eventually decided I wouldn't go, and would just take my original flight to Australia after all. This also meant that I could spend more time with Barry, and Rod and Eimear, which I really wanted , too.

We took a flight down to a place called Krabi (get this, pronounced Grabby!), thinking it had a beach, but it actually didn't, so from there we took a boat on to Koh Phi Phi island, or even just Koh Phi Phi as Koh means island, so I'm saying it twice. (It actually took nearly 2 weeks for the penny to drop and realise that Koh means island despite the fact that every single Thai island starts with the word Koh...).
This was a really nice place for chilling out, which we did lots of, and which we felt we really needed after all the travelling and constant moving around of the last few weeks. I know that sounds crap to say it, while most of you are all back at home working and everything, but honestly, you don't realise what hard work being on constant holiday is!!! So many things to think about all the time, eg, where to have breakfast, what kind of currency are you using today, where to have lunch, is the internet going to work when you want to upload pictures, where to have coffee or maybe an early drink, have you got a room with a hot shower, where to eat dinner, where to go for drinks after dinner, have you got enough insect repellent on, (and tiger balm with you for the bites if you don't) (more on all this in the A-Z), and do you have to set the alarm in the morning - or rather, do I have to set the alarm in the morning and wake everyone else up, in order to catch an early bus or boat to the next place - you lot have got it easy!!! Seriously though, it really can be tiring at times, when you're moving around every few days and having to always be thinking about places to stay (and finding them), etc etc.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm not convincing any of you so will move quickly on; Rod and Eimear did a 3 day diving course while we were there, so they did end up getting active, and both really enjoyed the course, whereas Barry and I did practically nothing and both really enjoyed that too. I did end up renting a guitar for 3 days which was great and it had been so long since I'd played, and apart from the strings ripping my fingers to shreds, I had a really good time relearning a couple of tunes that I'd forgotten how to play.
Koh Phi Phi has a really beautiful bay, in fact several beautiful bays, and the water near the shore is a really lovely pale blue. You can also climb a hill to get a really good view of the island's bays and the sea. This is best not done in the blazing heat of the day, which Baz and I did. The walk up has about a million steps followed by a hill on a steep incline just when you think you're nearly there. Then another hill just when you think you really are nearly there and someone on their way down has said, yes it's only two minutes to the top, about 10 minutes before that. About a quarter of the way there when I was already completely knackered I stopped and suggested to Baz that as we already had a good view from here, that was enough...?? We did continue to the top though, and just as we were stumbling across the rocks into the shade, half dead, Barry said, "Look, that hill over there looks higher than this one; shall we climb that?"..... Have to say it was worth it though, JUST. It is a really good view.

We left Koh Phi Phi to go to one more island, Koh Pha Ngan (just had to look that up on google to get the spelling, it's pronounced, or anyway we pronounced it, Koh Panyang). We had a bit of a gruelling trip to get there, which was, as far as I can remember, a boat for 2 hours, bus for about 3 and a half, then another boat for 3 hours - that one was ok as it was actually a ferry and much roomier. During the ferry trip various people were trying to sell us rooms for when we got there, and we eventually decided to book with one of them, a really nice looking luxury hotel called the Drop In Club; having spent 6 nights in a room in Koh Phi Phi with no air con, no hot shower, no flushing loo (or jacks, as the Irish would say) and mosquitos getting in through the gaping holes all night, we were more than ready for some pampering, so we went ahead and booked, and then Rod spoke to them again so we could get a pick up from the jetty. He spelt out his name on the phone, then had to correct them a bit as they were getting a bit mixed up over the 'o's and 'r's. Or even a lot mixed up - when we got off the ferry we were looking for someone holding a sign up with Rod's name on it, amongst all the taxi and guest house touts hounding us to take us somewhere, and finally we saw the sign saying (yes, you knew I was going to mention it Rod, and it won't be just once): OODNEY.
I was so happy. After 2 months of Rod (sorry, I mean OODS) relentlessly making 'Grabby' stick, not just with us but with whoever we met along the way, his chickens had finally (FINALLY!) come home to roost. So now Rod has a brand new name and from now on this is what I'm going to call him in this blog.
Anyway we got to the Drop In Club which was a really nice place, complete with bathtub, minibar containing mars bars and snickers amongst other things, etc etc. Barry and I actually stayed in about 6 of the rooms during the 4 nights we were there, due to the fact that we either had no hot water, or no working air con, and thought, if we're paying what we are to get the room, we're not going to settle for less, specially after we'd craved the hot shower and air con all week. It's a long story I won't go into but we did manage to get one night in a deluxe room at a reduced rate because of all the shenanigans. And I think we ate the snickers and mars bars out of every mini bar we had, meaning that half the final bill was actually chocolate.
I can't remember doing a thing in Koh Pha Nang, apart from on Eimear's birthday, on the 22nd, which most of the photos on this blog refer to. It happened to co-incide with the half-moon party on the island, so after we'd eaten pie and mash for dinner, we made our way, or tried to make our way to where the party was. Dubiously getting into a thing beginning with S which I can never remember, which is like a small pick up truck. Actually it's nothing like a pick up truck at all, I just can't describe it. It's like a small van with 2 benches against the long sides in the back, and basically takes as many people as the driver can fit in, so he can get more money, so this ranges from four people to 3 million. The reason we were dubious about this particular one is that the driver and his friend were in the middle of taking the thing apart when we saw him, but he insisted it was fine, they would just put the benches back on, and we'd be on our way. A couple of other people got in with us. The S van thing just about made it to the party, threatening to blow up or conk out altogether everytime we went up a hill (about every 10 seconds), and stunk of fuel really badly.

The half moon party was a lot more organised than I was expecting, like a mini festival in a way. What can I say about it? Music, people, body painting (see pics) luminous devil horns and glasses (I really hope I can upload the video of Oods in the devil horns, I haven't checked yet...), bars, people, music etc etc etc etc. We were there till about 4 am. One funny thing (or maybe not so funny). I went to the loos at one point (sorry, jacks) and as the men's loos, very unusually, were in a better state than the ladies, I was waiting outside one of the cubicles. A guy came out and said to me, 'you don't want to go in there' and making a face like it was really disgusting in there. Then I went in and thought, 'what? It's actually quite clean'. And I couldn't work out if he'd been overreacting or if I've been in Asia too long and my interpretation of 'clean' has got quite skewed...
By the way the video of Oods, if I manage to upload it, is all the more funny because he actually thought I was taking a picture of him, not videoing him, and he said after that he kept stopping and thinking, when's she going to actually take the picture?

We left Koh Pha Nang on the 25th, got a boat to Koh Samui, and later on went to the airport to catch a flight to Bangkok. It's a tiny little airport, complete with a little toy town train that takes you to the terminal (about 50 feet away from where you are).

So, to get to where I began, we arrived back in Bangkok for the 3rd time for me (4th time for Barry), and just had two days left before Barry and Eimear had to leave to go home via Dubai for a couple of days, a lot of which was unfortunately spent trying to sort out their flights, the second part of which had for some reason been cancelled, and trying to get to the bottom of that, decide whether to give Dubai a miss and see if they could get their money back from the accommodation they'd booked, only to find out they didn't have a choice and had been booked on another flight to Dublin going via London after Dubai. So they left on the 28th in the early hours, more shenanigans at the airport when Barry's ticket number wasn't valid so they couldn't print out the boarding card, and so we were at check in for an hour and a half, then had to leave straightaway. Rod then left the next night. In between all that, we did manage to have a really nice last two days together. And Barry had been measured for a suit and went to pick that up (see lead pic, he looks great!) Now I am still in Bangkok, hugely missing Barry, and facing the prospect of not seeing him for the next four and a half months, when he's coming out to Australia. And I'm here wondering what the hell I'm doing, about to get on a flight to Sydney, and be on the other side of the world. Anyway, before I run the risk of crying all over the keyboard and having to pay for the damage, I'll move on to the next bit of my blog which is an A-Z of South East Asia. I thought of making it just the A-Z of Asia but then it really would go on and on and on more than it already will do, but I've still made some references to India and Japan in places, where it adds comedy...

So here it is: The A-Z of SE Asia. Baz helped me with a lot of these, to come up with stuff, on one lazy afternoon in between games of Fight (see B for Backgammon).



A.

A is for Amazing Asia. I won't go into too much detail as hopefully my blogs have managed to encapsulate some of this, but it is a place to be amazed at; the melee of people, animals, traffic, sounds, smells, sights, food. If you haven't been yet, go. You won't regret it.

A is also for Angkor Wat. The largest religious site in the world, full of incredible temple ruins which were crafted with unbelievably intricate detail. And lots of steps.

A is also for Ants. (This applies to India too). I will never, ever, think there is a large ant community in London again. Ants happily find their way on to and into everything, and the red ones are nasty, climbing on to your flip flops and biting you at every opportunity. Advice: there is no good advice, except always look for them if you can't see them, as that's when you know they'll be on you and biting you.


B.

B is for Baz. The great guy I met here, but want to say more after the A-Z bit so more below.

B is also for Bedbugs. Actually this one I've only had experience of in India though am quite sure there are a large community of them existing in South East Asia. Staying in nicer places is a way of avoiding them, as their bites are nasty and itch for about 3 weeks.

B is also for Baguettes. Baguettes are almost as numerous as ants in South East Asia, which is a good thing in some ways and a bad thing in others. It's good because when they're fresh they taste really good, and especially if you've had no proper bread in months. It's bad because you can order one and really be looking forward to it, and then sometimes it's stale. Also they make you fat, or anyway they make me fat.

B is also for Backgammon. What a great game. I never knew how to play it as a kid, and Barry had bought a travel backgammon board in Thailand, so he taught me how to play and I'm happy to say it only took 2 months and millions of games before I got good at it - when it became REALLY fun. I should also put this under 'F' for fight as it came to be known amongst all of us as 'fight' rather than backgammon. The aim is to be as evil as possible and knock your opponent out at every opportunity and in as multiple a way as you can, then rub their face in it. At least, this is how I've been taught....?

B is also for Books. You need to have one on the go all the time, for constant bus journeys. There are English language bookshops all over SE Asia which often buy books back off you too.

B is also for Buckets. Buckets are not just buckets. Buckets are a deadly cocktail (and in various sizes, including more than 5 litres) of a spirit, red bull, and a mixer. Best used with caution, or if you can't manage that, be close to a loo.

B is also for Beer Hoi, or whatever the name of the fresh beer is you get on the street in Hanoi, Vietnam. This was one of Barry's contributions to the A-Z by the way, just so you can appreciate how important this was to him (available for just 2000 dong, which is about 10p).

B is also for Buddha figures. These are everywhere. In parks, temples, shops, on the street (where, weirdly, people make offerings of red Fanta...?), in caves. The best two I saw were in Wat Pho in Bangkok (the large gold reclining Buddha) and the large stone reclining Buddha in Ayuthaya. Also a big stone reclining Buddha in the Buddha Park in the place beginning with X which I'll mention under X.

C.

C is for Cheese. At last! I was missing cheese so much for months and months, and finally, finally, when we got to Laos, they had so much of it, and I ate as much as I could. (don't agree at all with the colonial history of these countries but if there was one good thing that came out of it, you would have to say baguettes and cheese). You could get it quite a lot in Vietnam too, and I especially remember the best goat's cheese sandwich I've had in my life, was in Hoi An in Vietnam. I know this sounds really boring but you don't understand what it's been like...


C is also for Cargo Club. The best cafe/restaurant in Vietnam and host to the sandwich mentioned above. We liked it so much that once we discovered it, we had every meal there (we tended to do that with places we liked), and Baz spent a whole 24 hours there practically. It's in Hoi An, near the river, and serves really good sandwiches, cakes (which Barry can vouch for) and has a really really good restaurant upstairs.


C is also for Cafe Fresco. Near the river in Phnom Penh, this was a haven we found which even has vegemite on the menu! as well as good sandwiches, pastas etc. Also cakes. Good for spending hours drinking more coffee and eating more cake.

C is also for Cosmic Restaurant, on Koh Phi Phi. Really good pizzas and pastas. Ok, I know this is getting a bit food heavy now, so will move on to another subject:

C is also for Culling. Culling is something you regularly have to do with your rucksack to get rid of extra weight and get rid of clothes that have been ruined by the laundry or have fallen apart or which you now hate because you've had to wear them all the time. (see R for rucksack for more on this theme).
Culling can be quite satisfying, especially because you can have a good tidy of your rucksack (the only thing available to tidy) and feel better afterwards. The only spanner in the works is when the clothes and possessions you've tried to cull are presented back to you when you check out because the person who's checked your room thinks you've forgotten them. So you either have to give them away (if they're in a reasonable state) or hide them really well.

D.

D is for Dogs. As in India, dogs are everywhere in SE Asia, difficult to know which are strays and which are owned, but are all mainly much much more docile than English dogs, mainly due to their vulnerability and low status. Though they have a mean bark sometimes, and there's a nasty one in the Laos border town just across from Chiang Kong.

D is also for DMZ tour. This I think I described in my last blog and is probably a tour to be avoided, though it did have good bits. Best to visit the places worth going to (ie the tunnels and the Khesan (spelling?) museum) by yourself if you can, or you'll also find yourself being dragged to a horrible cafe, a pile of rocks, and get to look at a paved road, as well as being cooped up in a bus for about 6 hours.

D is also for Deluxe. (This one can apply to India too). Deluxe in Asia means a very different thing to our own understanding of the word. At home, deluxe means extra luxurious, greater comfort, bigger etc etc etc. In Asia, it loosely means something like this: "If we can get away with calling something deluxe we can charge more for it, and what we'll do in order to provide the 'deluxe' aspect of whatever the product or service is, (bus, room etc) is fix, or try to fix what is normally dysfunctional in products or services we call 'ordinary'. If we can't do this, we'll give a free bottle of water instead with the product/service, only it's not really free as we've charged for 'deluxe'"

D is also for Deet. Unfortunately this horrible chemical that is probably carcinogenic is the only thing that has a hope of keeping mosquitoes away. I came away determined that I was only going to use essential oils as an insect repellent, but very soon got disappointed (and very very itchy by having been bitten by thousands of mosquitoes). Mosquitos in Asia have evolved to like the taste of lemongrass and citronella, and actually, even Deet doesn't always do the trick, as if there is one millimetre of skin where you haven't sprayed, they will get you.

D is also for Duracell batteries. Like the word 'deluxe', the word 'Duracell' also means something different in South East Asia, particularly in Vietnam, where most branded names of anything have probably never been within a thousand square miles of the brand name manufacturer. Duracell batteries can last as little as 20 minutes over here.

E.

E is for Eimear. Baz's sister and a great travelling mate, also more later.

E is also for Elephants. The national animal of Thailand and what incredible creatures they are. See more below.

E is also for Elephant Conservation Centre in Lampang, Thailand. An absolute must for a place to visit, this conservation centre was where we visited 3 times, where elephants have been rescued from all over South East Asia, are treated in the hospital if necessary, and very well looked after all round. See also M for Mahout training.

E is also for Eggs. Eggs eggs eggs. As Oods put it ' I can't remember what I used to have for breakfast'. Enough said.



F.

F is for Fresh Milk. Or lack of, when you're in Cambodia. In most places in South East Asia apart from Thailand, you have to specify ' with fresh milk' when asking for tea or coffee otherwise you'll get condensed. In Cambodia, the answer will be 'yes, yes, fresh milk' as they hand you a tin of condensed milk...

F is also for Farang. Farang, in Thai, means foreigner, but is more commonly used (by westerners and Thais) to mean 'white man who has come over to Thailand to get a Thai girlfriend or wife and who will then walk down the street with said girlfriend/wife'who normally looks like she should be at school. But it is also used in its general term. Eg in a taxi the other day there was a sign on the window that said 'We love Farang,' or rather, 'we heart Farang' as a red heart was used in place of love, and underneath, 'We welcome Foreigner, and we can speak English!' This sentence can be translated as: ' When a foreigner such as you gets in the taxi we will refuse to put the meter on (which is much much cheaper) and will charge you at least four times the rate of getting to a given place, unless you agree to make a 'stop', meaning unless you agree to be taken to a shop where you'll be forced to buy stuff so that I (the taxi driver) can get a commission'.

F is also for French Fried. French Fried are not fried French people, but french fries, but are known as French Fried on every menu throughout South East Asia.

F is also for Fans. (Again, India can be applied here). Fan rooms are the alternative to air con in rooms, and therefore cheaper. Obviously more environmentally friendly but it depends which way you look at it, as most ceiling fans are normally attached to the ceiling by one remaining rusty nail and threatening to fly off and decapitate you while you sleep. If this doesn't happen, they'll definitely make you feel like you're living in a helicopter, and invariably the speed function doesn't work meaning it has to be on full speed all the time, or nothing. Wall fans which are attached to the ceiling are very slightly less noisy but also much less effective as are never pointing towards the bed.

F is also for Fruit. You get amazing fruit here, which I didn't eat enough of; the best I think is big big lychees, but there's also dragon fruit, duram (spelling?..not sure) fruit which does not smell good, and something called mangustani (again, spelling?????) which are like small mangos but softer, and juicier. Actually not much like mangos at all.


G.

G is for Grabby. Well, it had to be! If I haven't said it enough, then here it is now. Grabby is my new name, coined first by Miss Tu, our Mahout teacher in Lampang, and crystallised by Oods. Well, you may have guessed by the fact that even I have mentioned it over and over, that despite the connotations, I kind of secretly like it...

G is also for Gekkos. First spotted in their hundreds on the ceiling of the cafe in the Riverside Guest House in Lampang, chasing each other in hope of mating, gekkos are everywhere in South East Asia, and if you can't see them, you'll hear them chirping. It sort of sounds like an off-key 'cuckoo'. Great creatures.

G is also for Games. See B for Backgammon, which is probably the best game to have with you, but cards are good too, and they're really useful for filling in time waiting at bus stations etc (Barry said that so I've actually stolen that sentence from him, but he's right: it's true). Though backgammon must NOT be played whilst actually travelling as the pieces are so tiny they'll get lost. And it's also a bit dangerous to play it in public as the police might misinterpret the aggression that goes along with it, and arrest you.

H.

H is for Hanoi. Vietnam's capital city, boasting about a 100 million motorbikes. Noisy, crowded, but appealing after a while,city, if you drive through it at about 6 in the morning, you'll see people by the side of the road doing aerobics instructed by an invisible teacher, as well as lots of other sports. Bizarre.

H is also for Hue, also in Vietnam. Do NOT arrive here hungover and sick from the night's antics on the overnight train from Hanoi, especially if you haven't got anywhere to stay. Quite nice town, has a citadel worth visiting if you get there before closing time which we didn't, but you can get a good tour in a cyclo for an hour around the town.

H is also for Hoi An. We managed to spend 3 days in Hoi An and not see one sight, but see C for Cargo Club as this is the best sight worth mentioning in Hoi An. Quite a nice town to hang out in for a while.

H is also for Helen, who we met in Halong Bay, Vietnam and travelled with right up to Bangkok again. Really nice woman, and will be seeing her again in Australia.

H is also for Hassle. Unfortunately, this is a constant feature of being in South East Asia, though is less in Thailand. It mainly comes in the form of 'you buy? you buy? you want tuk tuk? taxi? guest house?'etc etc and gets very relentless and tiring. The main reason I'm ready to leave Asia.

H is also for Haggling. This can also get relentless and tiring and also bring you up against the conflict of the fact that you're often haggling over what to you is pennies, but at the same time knowing that as a tourist, you're being quoted a starting price which is about 4 times as much as it should be...

H is also for HBO. The times when we had rooms with TV's, the best channel to have is HBO which is a film (or fillum) channel. Though it's often not tuned in, and there is NEVER anything good on when you feel like watching something. So I don't know why I've mentioned it, really.

H is also for Halong Bay, the 3 day tour we took from Hanoi, with one night on a boat. See my last blog for more details of this. Was very nice.

I.

I is for Insect Repellent. (See also D for Deet). I'll include India in this one as I have a recommendation. In India, the best repellent to get is Good Knight spray. It's sold in prism shaped bottles and you often can't get it, so whenever I could, I always got about 4 bottles at a time. In Thailand, 'Wild Lives' is a good one to use, though Oods also started using an industrial strength one in a fat orange aerosol called 'Off!' In Laos and Vietnam and Cambodia, where you can't get Wild Lives, you can normally get Sketolene. All of the above, without exception, are intensely annoying, in that you have to reapply them all the time, they make you sneeze and cough, and your hands are covered in the stuff after you've used them which is bad if you're not around a sink.

I is also for IST. This one's about India and I couldn't resist putting it in. IST means 'Indian Stretchable Time' and is used by Indians to mean the phenomenon of time in India, ie, that an Indian minute is about equal to a western hour. See also T for Thai Time and T for Two Minutes, for more on this subject.

I is also for itching. This is an unavoidable result of getting bitten by mosquitos, which is in itself unavoidable, despite all the insect repellents (above) you might use. Itching is also much worse when you're constantly told off for scratching, even when you know you're being told in your best interests.

J.

J is for Journeys. Multiple amounts of them, around South East Asia, though loads more buses than trains. Buses are generally (generally) pretty good, especially in Thailand where they nearly all have air con (but also annoying music). Only took trains in Vietnam which were also pretty good if you get a soft bed berth. Any journey at all on the road from Siem Reap in Cambodia, to the Thai border, will be excruciating, due to the fact that the road is actually a dirt track full of pot holes.

J is also for Jacks roll. I'm including in this A-Z some Irish words and phrases as although this technically has nothing to do with South East Asia, it has everything to do with my time in South East Asia, which was almost entirely spent with the Irish. Jacks roll means loo paper, as Jacks means loo. See L for Loo paper for more exciting stuff on loo roll.

J is also for Jomar Cafe. The best cafe in Vientiane, Laos, mainly because of the large amounts of cheese served in various forms, sandwiches, lasagnes. Also good cakes and pastries. And coffee and tea. Basically, a good place to spend most of your time in Vientiane.

K.

K is for Killing Fields, a little way out of Phnom Penh. I talked about them in my last blog. Not really a pleasant trip, but a must. Cambodia has a really distressing history.

K is also for Kangaroo Cafe, Hanoi. Again, this is a good place to source vegemite and the toast which you can spread it on is good too. Also you can get Weetabix and a whole range of other good food. And it's also the place where we booked the Halong Bay and Sapa tours.

K is also for Kittens. This is also one of the best things about South East Asia, that you often see kittens around, only often they don't have mothers, so that's not so good. The sweetest kitten was in Vang Vieng, Laos, in our guest house; could quite easily have taken him with...



L.

L is for Laos. The most beautiful of all the countries I've seen in South East Asia, and we all loved it there for it's laid backness as compared with Vietnam and Cambodia. It's very scenic, the people are really nice, and you can do some good chilling out there.

L is also for Lao Lao. As mentioned in my previous blog, Lao Lao is the 'take your head off' rice wine that is produced in Laos. Be very careful around it.

L is also for Lipton Tea. Lipton Tea is mainly the only tea you can get in South East Asia, though in nice cafes like the ones I've mentioned, you can sometimes get Earl Grey. Again, you have to specify 'Lipton Tea' as even though it's the only 'tea' offered on the menu, just 'tea' will generally not be understand. Together with specifying 'fresh milk' you also have to specify whether you want your tea hot or cold, as if you don't say, it's presumed you want it iced. (Except when Oods once asked for an iced coffee and was asked if he wanted it hot). So you have to say 'Hot Lipton Tea with Fresh Milk', which means the time it takes to order is 3 times as long as it should be. Especially when you're in Cambodia and you continue arguing over the milk.

L is also for Lonely Planet. Also known as the Lonely Bastard, the Good Book, and the Bible, it is kind of a useful guide up to a point, but has crap maps (and the SE Asia one often has no maps at all, depending on where you are) and the write ups are the opinion of each person who wrote the chapter, so often quite inaccurate. The country-specific ones are better.

L is also for Locked. Another Irish term, which I caught on to quickly. It means ( I think) completely pissed to the point of probably forgetting everything you did when you wake up the next day.

L is also for Ladyboys. This is a phenomenon of Thailand, and means cross-dressers, ie guys dressing as women. Quite a big part of the culture over here.

L is also for Little Hanoi 2. Another good cafe (all of the cafes I mention are western style ones, but as I said at the beginning of the blog, I have been v sick of rice and noodles and not wanting to eat them). Little Hanoi 2 is french style, with good baguettes though salty omelettes (not so good). They have Earl Grey Tea though.

L is also for Lazy Gekko. A cafe in Phnom Penh, has vegemite (great stuff) aswell as other good food, and a quiz night, which we came fourth in. See also Q for Quiz nights.

L is also for Loo Paper. Loo Paper is one of the essentials you have to carry around with you as it's not available in most public loos. But if you're hanging with the Irish, you have to call it Jacks roll.

L is also for Laundry. Good and bad. Good in that on a good day, your stuff comes back clean and ironed. Bad that on a bad day, it comes back with stains that weren't there before, or doesn't come back at all (yes I'm still missing my halter top!)

L is also for Lampang, the town that's near the Elephant Conservation Centre. In Lampang the Riverside guest house was really nice, as was the Riverside Restaurant, up the road. Also next door to that there's a cafe called the RE-Lax cafe, which I don't think we ever ate in, but this might have been quite scary because even when you were just drinking beer, they came and refilled your glass as soon as it had half an inch of space in it, so who only knows what they'd do with food. Raising the suggestion that it should really be called the RE-Fill cafe rather than the RE-Lax. Lampang itself is quite a quiet town. Best for being close by the Elephant centre.

M.

M is for Mahout Training. See also E for Elephant Conservation Centre. This was the fantastic day we spent at the Conservation Centre learning to be mahouts, ie learning to be elephant guides. Was one of the best days I've ever had, riding an elephant, being around them. Worth absolutely every penny (or baht).

M is also for Maybe Later. (again, India can definitely be included in this one). This is something you find yourself saying to get people off your back when they're saying 'you buy? you buy?', only it often comes back to haunt you because if the person who you've said it to is in one of the local shops you'll probably pass later, they will hound you worse than ever when they see you again. Better just to say 'no thanks' (see N for No thanks).

M is also for Mosquitoes. Actually they've been mentioned enough in this A-Z, which gives a good reflection of how often they're buzzing round you so I'll leave this one here.

M is also for MP3 player. Another absolute essential for travelling. Two of mine broke so far on the trip (sorry Liz, didn't tell you after all the trouble you'd gone to) but happily I've got another which Barry helped me choose, and he put lots of good music on it, and a DVD full of more so I can swap it around. Great for everywhere, and is good for drowning out 'you buy, you buy?'.

M is also for Masala Dosa. Strictly an Indian breakfast dish, but had it in Laos too in an Indian restaurant and introduced Baz to it. Great Indian dish.

M is also for MBK centre in Bangkok. This is a huge, huge shopping centre and a cinema on top, but most importantly, on Floor 5 there's an amazing food court where you'll end up (or where we ended up anyway) spending most of your time. Go for cakes if nothing else.

M is also for Manager. Like fresh milk, managers can be quite elusive in guest houses or hotels as soon as you ask to talk to one. Generally they're always either 'sleeping' and can't be contacted, or whoever you're talking to claims to be the manager.

M is also for Mountains. Most beautiful, I think, in Laos, which is very mountainous and scenic, but Sapa, in Vietnam, is also very beautiful.

N.

N is for Noodles of course. Noodles come most famously in Pad Thai, a great Thai dish which you can also get in other countries, but noodles are served in most things which is good till you get sick of them and just want to eat things like cheese and vegemite instead (though these don't go so well with Pad Thai). Also glass noodles are NOT good, but are often served or found hiding in spring rolls.

N is also for No thanks. This is an essential phrase towards street vendors etc etc when you're being constantly hounded, and as previously mentioned, is more effective than 'maybe later' which is a delaying tactic and makes things worse in the long run. However, 'no thanks' must only be used once to each person or else it is also rendered ineffective.

N is also for Neon signs. This one's for Japan and Hong Kong, despite Japan not being strictly South East Asia. In Japan the neon signs are abundant and in some way quite spectacular to look at. In Hong Kong they're just annoying and ugly. In both cases they're everywhere, specially Hong Kong where they spread so far across the road they join up with the ones on the other side, making everything else disappear from view.

O.

O is for OOdney (I've decided it looks better with both o's being in capitals). Yes Rod you knew I had to do it. See blog earlier for history of the name.

O is also for Omelette. (Also see E for Eggs). Omelette, as well as being a favourite on breakfast menus everywhere (this includes India, especially on trains), is also interesting in that it's always spelt interestingly. Variations include: Omlet, Ommellet, Om let, Om litte, Omilet etc etc. I think the confusion probably arises because South East Asians and Indians probably think it's a mantra rather than a word describing an egg dish (actually it probably IS a mantra). In any case, I've had about a million since being away.

O is also for Open Sewers. These are less prevalent in South East Asia than in India but they are still around in places. The trouble is when you're in places like India where you expect them, you get used to never breathing in through your nose, but where they are more occasional, you're more likely to be caught out.

P.

P is for Plastic chairs (and little plastic stools which are used as tables). South East Asia would have you believe that plastic really does grow on trees or at least plastic chairs do. They are used in almost every street cafe, canteens, places where you stop on route when you're on buses, or simply stacked up in hundreds in any available space. They're also used on the buses themselves, when they run out of actual seats and still want to squeeze people on, but this should be praised whereas in India when they want to squeeze people on, they either squash 6 people in a place for two, or have people hang off any available pole or fall over each other on the floor.
The little plastic stools are most commonly used in the street stalls in Hanoi where they sell the Beer Hoi, accompanied by equal sized plastic chairs, so you feel you're at nursery while you're sitting there (except you're drinking beer rather than playing with lego).

P is also for Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia. As a capital itself, it's not that nice as it has quite a hassly feel to it, but there are some good things around it to see, at least some important things to see, such as S21 prison and the Killing Fields, which I spoke about in my last blog. The palace is also said to be good ( Baz and Helen said it was good; I wasn't allowed in because I had unthinkingly worn a vest top, and nothing but the t'shirts they hire to you at a price are acceptable, ie shawls etc which are normally fine for temples, won't do. So I didn't go in).

P is also for Pig. Or pigs. My pig torch now has a mum as OOds bought me a giant pig torch, and my little pig, (now named Miss Tu, after our Mahout teacher) is still going strong, so those duracell batteries were actually duracell. Both are now my only travelling companions left...

P is also for Pad Thai. See N for Noodles.

P is also for Plain of Jars, Phonsovan, Laos. The mystery of how these big stone jars got there. Worth a visit, definitely, but not a great tour.

Q.

Q is for Queues. Again, or lack of, mainly. In India the word queue means either nothing, or it might mean 'scrum'. It sometimes means, 'push in front of any white woman you see' despite there being a general rule that women don't queue but are supposed to go to the front. In the rest of South East Asia, queues generally happen between groups of westerners automatically forming them whether there's a need or not, and not much elsewhere, though is better than India.

Q is also for Quiz nights. We went to two of these. One was at the Irish pub in Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand, and one was in the Lazy Gekko cafe in Phnom Penh. In the one in Chiang Mai we did very very badly, coming either second or third last, but we did cheer ourselves the loudest. Also the place seemed to be full of ex-pats who went there every week. But in the Lazy Gekko we came fourth.

R.

R is for Rucksack. (see also C for Culling). Baz deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with the amount of times I had a tantrum over my rucksack and or/its contents, mainly sounding like: 'I hate my rucksack, I hate everything in it, I hate my clothes'. Having had a hysterical fit over my rucksack being left in London by British Airways when I got to Mumbai at the beginnng of my trip, a cruel twist of fate has been that every time we've taken a plane anywhere since, I've secretly (or actually not so secretly) hoped my rucksack WOULD get lost, then I wouldn't have to carry it around. It's a constant battle to keep my rucksack to 11 kilos, which is a carryable weight (it was 19 when I first came away). In Baz's case, it was a constant battle to keep his at more than a 100 kilos at all times. None of us ever actually found the bricks inside it but they were definitely there... Rucksacks are also annoying if you trip up because you're much more likely to fall over as you're too top heavy. And they make what would otherwise be ok journeys into a nightmare (especially when it involves getting on and off boats, which invariably means jumping from boat to boat to get to yours).

R is also for Rain. I guess everyone at home can also relate to this lately. We've been in South East Asia during the monsoon season so there's been quite a bit of it. Mainly the rain falls on these occasions: as soon as you're about to leave for another place, and have a walk to the bus stand or to find a tuk tuk; just as you've finished dinner and need to leave; when you're staying in a guest house on a Cambodian dirt track; when you happen to be wearing long trousers; whenever (this one's for me and Eimear especially) you have to walk down a street or up or down stairs that have tiles which become really slippy when it rains. The rest of the time it's normally sunny.

R is also for Red Piano. The Red Piano cafe/restaurant in Siem Reap, Cambodia, was one of those cafes which we 'discovered', then went back to for every meal, breakfast lunch and dinner. Great food, good wine, nice wicker chairs. Life is perfect!

S.

The first S has to be for SEVEN-ELEVEN. When 7-11's disappeared from England, clearly they all got on a plane, came to South East Asia, then mated all year round to multiply into billions. Particularly in Thailand, 7-11's are found at approximately every 20 metres, except along the route of the sky train, where you get four bunched together to cover all four exits at every station along the route. 7-11's are really useful though, eg for Happy cards (prepaid mobile credit), water, chocolate, robots, (in OOds case), and all the other bits and pieces you need.
7-11's would be ok in Hong Kong but because of the obsession with overhanging signs that they have there, they just become annoying.

S is also for Strip lights. In every single guest house room throughout India and South East Asia, there is a strip light, normally really annoyingly placed. It's an obsession. I hate them.

S is also for Siem Reap, the town closest to Angkor Wat in Cambodia.

S is also for S21 prison, Phnom Penh. Like the Killing Fields, a distressing visit (more so in some ways than the Killing Fields, as it's so graphic) but essential.

S is also for Sapa, mentioned previously under T for Trekking and M for Mountains. A really beautiful place in Vietnam.

S is also for Spitting. I don't even want to go into this. See numerous previous blogs on India.

T.

T is for Travelling. A truly amazing experience, in all ways (despite all my moaning above), it's a fantastic experience and so completely worth it.

T is also for Toilets. Well, they had to be mentioned. India is definitely included in this one. Basically the advice is this. In India, be grateful for squat toilets because you do NOT want to go near any seat, ever. Also brace yourself and stop breathing in when you are within 200 yards of any toilet. Elsewhere, and including India, if you are making journeys with stops along the way, try not to wear long trousers as they will get covered in whatever's on the floor of the toilets (normally soiled water - lovely). And NEVER wear the wraparound trouser things that go up through your legs that seem to be sold exclusively to westerners. I'm sure they only make them because it must be really funny to think of people wearing them, then have to go and use a squat toilet. In Thailand, you're sometimes presented with a sort of half squat toilet, ie a toilet that is kind of child sized with very narrow edges which presumably you're supposed to perch on. Jacks roll (remember what that means) should be carried with you at all times. Japan is at the other extreme, with toilets so high tech that you will never, ever work out how to use them.

T is also for Two Minutes. The famous two minutes, used throughout India and South East Asia means several different things. Most importantly, it never means you will get what you want in two minutes, which is the only time it is used. It can mean: I don't understand what you want; I do understand what you want but can't provide it for you but will not tell you that; I do understand what you want and may be able to get it/provide for you in about two hours but not less; I don't want to understand what you want; I'm busy chatting/eating/sleeping.

T is also for Thai Time. See above.

T is also for Tuk tuk. The South East Asian version of the Indian rickshaw; tuk tuks are useful in that they're quite cheap and can get through traffic. They're not useful in that there's a good chance you might get killed in one due to the way a) they're being driven and b) the way everyone else is driving. Tuk tuk drivers are also extremely annoying whenever you have been dropped somewhere by a bus, and in Siem Reap, this was extreme: we were literally surrounded by them and had to fight them off. And when you're walking down the street all you hear is 'hey, tuk tuk?'. Except when you need a tuk tuk and suddenly there are none around, anywhere, for miles.


T is also for Tiger Balm. A sort of cure-all little potion, but used mainly and frequently for mosquito bites.

T is also for Tubing. Talked about this on my Laos blog. Tubing was the activity of Vang Vieng, Laos, where you float down the river in large truck tyre tubes, stopping at bars along the way. Good fun.

T is also for Trekking. There are numerous opportunities for trekking in South East Asia. We did one in Sapa, Vietnam, which I remember describing as horrific but others would say different. But a good place to do one, in terms of scenery, except you're so busy concentrating on where your foot's going, you don't get time to look at it. An achievement though.

T is also for Temples. Covered under W for Wat.


U.

U is for Uisce. A beautiful little town in Laos. Actually, no, it's the Irish word for water, and pronounced Ishka, so was actually useful it's spelt the way it is as it meant I had something to put under U.

U is also for Umbrellas. Not specifically to do with South East Asia but it gives me another U and also you can do with them in monsoon rain or blazing heat.

V.

V is for Vang Vieng, the tubing place mentioned above. Quite a nice little town in Laos, good for chilling out.

V is also for Vientiane, the capital of Laos. Not so much to see in the town but the Buddha Park, below, nearby, is pretty good.

V is also for Vegemite. In my case, get it where you can. Available sporadically. And great!


W.

W is for Wat. Wat means temple in lots of parts in South East Asia. Temples temples temples everywhere. I think I've seen more temples than any other thing in life. Several have been very beautiful, in fact most are beautiful, except after a while they lose the awe factor. Angkor Wat in particular of course is very spectacular, also a couple I saw in Japan, particularly the Todaji temple in Nara.

W is also for White Wine. Another relentless piss-take from OOds, because I was always asking for it, and you can't often get it.

W is also for Walk. There is a particular walk in South East Asia and India that most people do. Generally it works best in flip flops. You walk along, slowly, leaning slightly back, and dragging your feet/flip flops along the ground. After a while you start doing this naturally, and the old ways of walking as fast as you possibly can whether or not you're in a hurry start to fall away. It's good.

X.


X is for Xe.com. Scraping the bottom of the barrell a bit to come up with an X but here it is. Xe.com is a useful website that does currency conversions.

X is also for Xieng Khuan. This is the Buddha Park just outside Vientiane in Laos, and thank god it starts with an X. This was a great place actually, with some really good carved stoned Buddha sculptures dotted around a large garden.

X is also for X-ray. Again, nothing to do with South East Asia but X is always for X ray so it had to be, here, too.


Y.

Y is for 'Yer man'. Or yer woman. This is an Irish phrase, meaning, 'That man,' or 'that woman', meaning someone you don't really know, so they might be someone you happened to talk to once, the man in the shop, the woman in the cafe etc etc.

Y is also for Yoga. Did a lot of this in India, none in South East Asia though it's quite widely available.


Z.

Z is for Zorro. This is another one of Baz's, but now I can't remember who Zorro was! Who was he?

Z is also for Zip. I bought a really nice bag in Chiang Mai and the zip broke straightaway; couldn't find anyone who would or could fix it, and really liked the bag so kept it as it was for ages, even though it was really annoying. Ok, a weak contribution but Z is Z after all.


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So. That isn't by any means a comprehensive list and I could go on forever but this is definitely my longest blog so far so people probably stopped reading hours ago anyway.

The next bit's for Baz, Rod and Eimear (will use Rod's proper name here as it's a serious bit) but I want everyone to read it.
Barry is just about the loveliest guy I have ever met, and I feel very, very lucky to have met him. I really love this guy. I know that's going to embarass him for me to say it here, but I'm saying it anyway. (you can get me back in Fight, Baz!) Rod and Eimear were great to travel with; I can honestly say that the last 2 and a half months have been the best 2 and a half months of my life so far. I have never been so happy and I have never laughed so much. And I wanted to say the next bit on the last night, but forgot, so here it is now: Barry, Rod, Eimear, - I thought nothing could surpass my time in India but if it was ever a competition (and you know how much I love competitions): you won. Thank you thank you thank you.

Will stop there. Tomorrow my flight leaves for Sydney, so Australia's where I'll be writing from next. Till then, :-))

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