Two bars of chocolate and a carton of half fat milk

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Never before has a purchase said so more about my current state of mind than the above(apart from a hideous pair of red gingham wedges that were a purchase after the last break up...jeez I'm beginning to sound like Bridget Jones...).

Anyhoo I'm kind of at pains to write at the moment as it's been a bloomin awful day and I'm worried as to what strange negative forces may possess my fingertips should I allow them free rein.....however seen as I've been able to muster very little for the past month at least its a start.

So far today I've been told the following...

'You should go back to England, you're not adjusting to Korea'

'What happened to your hair?'

'The shape of your face has changed- it used to be oval and now its round- have you put on weight?'

However I've also been told the following...

'Your beautiful'

'Your hair is so cute today'

Which brings me to my point...(see I didn't realise I had a point until I started writing...thank you negative forces, thank you!). Never has my personality and appearance been so openly criticised as it has in Korea. However never have my personality and appearance been so openly praised as they are in Korea. Now I'm pretty sure its not me being sensitive, I can look flippin awful at times and I have the pictures to prove it. I can still remember vividly one of my best mates commenting 'Alexa, you look ******* in the morning, and yes I'd have to agree with him. However, the point is, he's one of my best mates and in being a best mate he's earned enough brownie points (or cubs points considering he's a guy) to tell me I look like crap just as I can telll him when he's having an off day (Derek, you look pants ha ha ha)

However in Korea my appearance is fair game to everybody. A few months back I had a zit on my face, now admittedly it wasn't pretty but it wasn't exactly Vesuvius either, just your average zit- or so I thought . I moaned to Suzanna about it and she said 'it's not that big a deal, don't worry, you'll know when it's a problem when a student comments on it'. Reassured I went on my way. Two hours later I step into the elevator and bump into one of my students 'Alexa, uuurrggghhh, what happened to your face?!'

Three weeks ago I caught a cold;the snot fairies visited and really went to town on me- I had a bunged up nose and was doing a fantastic impression of Rudolph, admittedly I wasn't auditioning for Top Model anytime soon. I walk into class 'Oooo you caught a cold...and a skin problem as well'. What the?! 10 seconds ago I thought I only had a cold, now I can add skin problem to my list of afflictions?!Talk about kicking a girl when she's down.

This Monday I did my usual stagger into the ESS staff room at 6.55am. Everybody knows that you probably aren't going to look your best on a Monday morning at 7am if you have any kind of social life on a weekend and considering I like to be busy at the weekend then a sacrifice has to be made and that sacrifice is my appearance. Therefore my hair is unlikely to be straight, I am likely to have dark circles under my eyes and my outfit will consist of the thing that was closest to hand when I stepped out of bed.(never has the smell it and see mode of getting dressed been more viable as it is on a Monday morning) Kind of roll out of bed, roll into clothes and roll into a taxi . Do not expect me to be perfectly coiffured, bright eyed and bushy tailed- this is reserved for Wednesdays onwards. The first thing said to me on Monday morning? 'Man, you look shitty today.' If there was a book written about things not to say on a Monday morning that would be right up there with 'The boss wants to see you now' and 'Bet you can't remember what you did at the office party on Saturday'. (don't we just love those)

My new co worker May (she's sooper) and I were discussing this over our morning coffee. There must be a nicer, more tactful way of saying that somebody looks bad without crushing them like a bug in the ground. This is what we came up with...'You don't look yourself today, is everything alright'. Ok so it isn't perfect and it does have it's pitfalls but we think it's a much more acceptable way to express concern about somebodys appearance or demaeanour without using the words 'shit' 'crap' or 'awful' (All of which I've had said to me in Korea by people who barely know me).

Appearance is such a big deal in Korea that it just seems perfectly natural for people to comment on it. Checking your appearance and posturing in front of a mirror must add up to a huge proportion of people's lives over here- it's just meant to be made into a statistic 'The average Korean spends 3 years of their life on the toilet and 4.2 years looking in a mirror' (that's made up, don't shoot me). A common high school graduation present for teenage girls over here is cosmetic surgery - I couldn't believe it. Your self image is fragile enough when you're a teenager and you'd think that your parents would be the ones handling it with the most care- after all, if you can count on anyone to think you're perfect it's them, after all they made you. Mothers constantly seem to tell their kids what they need to change about themselves 'you need to lose your spare tyre' 'you need to get rid of the freckles on your face' 'you need to grow your hair'- the list is endless. Under this constant scrutiny from family, friends and even acquaintances it's no wonder that mirrors adorn nearly every possible wall and that even waiting for the elevator is an opportunity to check how you look.

For every job application not only must you send your CV but also a photo as well- if you're attractive you have more chance of getting a job than if you're butt ugly. In securing a partner appearance is also normally in the top 3 criteria in choosing a mate along with 'rich' and 'good educational background'. 'Sense of humour' doesn't normally even get a look in and yet I've read in countless magazines in the UK that this is one of the attributes that women find most attractive, I'm sure a sense of humour disarms me as well as a pair of beer goggles (combined it's lethal)

One of my Korean friends mentionned to me the other day how his boss had told him to stop spiking his hair and start styling it more conservatively. This was because he was a representative for a university and prospective students may not find his hairstyle 'trustworthy'. Obviously when you go to the hairdressers in Korea you don't just ask for a graduated bob but also ask them to throw in a little 'honesty' and 'compassion' to boot. I mean, a haircut isn't just a haircut is it?

And the most worrrying thing about all this? It's starting to affect me too, never have I checked or cared about my appearance more than I do in Korea mainly because I know that on the days when I seriously don't make an effort it will be commented on by at least 3 people. I am becoming like the hordes of Korean women, and men, who check their appearance in shop windows and on the subway. If they caught me doing this in England I'd be laughed out of town. Soon (heaven forbid) I'll start carrying a compact mirror and taking photographs of myself on my cellphone to check I look ok (seriously, teenage girls spend 2 months of their life doing this over here, and they think computer games are the problem).


So in the face of such scrutiny there is little else to do on an off day except pay a visit to the corner store for those feel good enzymes women find in chocolate- a cliche but oh so true. Chocolate bar number 1 was to cope with 'you should go back to England'. Chocolate bar number 2 was to cope with 'what happened to your hair'. And the half fat milk? Well, that was to cope with the round face comment.

Right, now I'm off to McDonalds to order a Big Mac (go back to England), large fries (what happened to your hair) and a Diet Coke (yeah, fat face).

I've also added some photos of Suzannas leaving do- much alcohol was consumed as you can see and the scene of the crime was noraebang. After this I have vowed never ever to drink whiskey again, it was the first and the last time!

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Comments

[Emma]

bloody rude aren't they?
Your entry made me laugh. I am sick to death of being asked, 'teacher are you having a baby?' 'teacher, why is your face red?' after sunning myself in Haeundae on Sunday. The thing is, I wouldnt say I was fat, a 'curvy' size 12 is ok, isnt it? Obviously not! Wll I blame them for feeding me carbs everyday with everything, never before have i eaten so much rice! Blunt and no tact what so ever seems to be the way here. Anyway, fancied getting my hair cut but after last times mullett episode in semoyeon I dont want to risk it. I did spot a plush looking Wella/Loreal salon in your neck of the woods, do you know if its any good?

[Clare]

Good golly, Miss Morton!
Happy birthday for the twelfth. We owe you a big birthday booze-related present xx