Fenglish

The Philippines has, so far, been nothing I had expected. Somehow I'd imagined it was a country full of nurses and smiles. It appears, however, that the nurses have all gone abroad and I've been worried at times that they've taken the smiles with them.

I met up with Bindal in Manila. Since then we have had a succession of sleepless nights on buses and stressful days organizing buses. Over that time we have been given an incredible amount of misinformation, which I would like to believe has at least been well intentioned. One guide book states that the Philippines is one of the Asia's largest English speaking countries, yet somehow we have struggled to understand and to be understood. For this reason, this blog is dedicated to what we have discovered to be a language all on its own: Fenglish (or Filipino English).

> Fenglish: The bus leaves every hour. Translation: The bus leaves once a day.
> Fenglish: The bus arrives at 3 am. Translation: Arrival time unknown.
> Fenglish: The taxi to your hotel is free - I have called the hotel and they have agreed to pay the fare. Translation: The taxi fare will not be paid by the hotel, I will charge you 3 times the price on arrival and when you refuse to pay, I will become physically aggressive and begin punching palm trees.
> Fenglish: The hotel room comes complete with fan and ensuite. Translation: The fan doesn't work and the bathroom has no water.
> Fenglish: The bus is so comfortable, it even has AC. Translation: The bus is so uncomfortable, the bus boy will refuse to close the door to provide not only AC, but to plauge you with pneumonia
> Fenglish: The bus has free seating. Translation: I can sit wherever I see fit - despite there being many other seats available, I can even sit on a sleeping tourist's head (not a nice way to wake up I can assure you!)
> Fenglish: Please take my photo. Translation: Please give me money.
> Fenglish: The food is completely vegetarian. Translation: Don't mind the beef.
> Fenglish: Welcome to the Philippines. Translation: Let me shoot you with my BB gun just to see how you react. It will be so funny.

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