Why do we worry about asking certain questions?

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February 23rd 2009

Published: February 23rd 2009

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HJC

Prem Ji

driver and music wala

In the U.S., we normally consider it rude to ask someone how much they paid for something. In America, we often hesitate to question certain things especially when it has to do with money. Our social etiquette does differ significantly from the cultural norms I have experienced here in India, which has led me to wonder how the social etiquette I have grown up with has affected they way I relate to others. In general, when it comes to certain topics particularly of religion, race, and ethnicity, and even politics, I think we have a harder time voicing our genuine curiosities than we may think. Why do I think this? For whatever reason, maybe because we think we’re prodding more than we should, or are afraid that we might offend someone, or, (possibly the most likely reason) because we think we're too uninformed (or misinformed) ourselves to even know where to begin asking the questions, we never do. All these things I have certainly felt before, and it is for these very reasons that I believe others go through it too. Isn't it a strange when you realize how little you know about a person, but can't bring yourself to ask

Laxman

Main office cook/maintenance staff

them certain questions because you feel these are things you should have asked about long before? "No," you tell yourself, "It's too late. It would be just too embarrassing to ask now.".....you then precede to think of ways to find out the information without asking the person straight up.

In India, inquiring about the price of someone’s shirt or motorbike seems to be nothing more than a question. But is it?I'm probably too naive to know. When it comes to asking people about themselves, all seems fair game. Certain questions asked of me and others that would be considered quite rude in the US go outspoken here. A good example of this is when I am asked about the pimples on my face. In the beginning, I was shocked that anyone would have the nerve to point out something so out of my control, yet for some reason, embarrassing to talk about. “It’s not something I can control, so lay off!” As time has passed, I’ve gotten more used to people pointing out my 'periodic breakouts.' So now I just anticipate the question rather than get caught off guard. And as my reaction has changed, so has my response.

Kalu Singh Ji

maintenance staff

"Yep...that time of the month again."

So why am I writing this? Obviously we know different cultures as well as individuals respond differently to things. But it is what we would consider 'shameless’ questions and ‘to much information’ answers that leave us averse and sometimes even intolerant of others. In regard to social etiquette, Indian and main stream American culture are very different. This can be seen far more extensively in examining the cultural and social norms of both countries. But the reason I used this example is not to point out this difference, but instead, to highlight how our understanding of one another can be significantly strengthened when we can ask and respond to questions honestly, unbound by the influence of our cultural and social taboos. And maybe through this honest understanding, we will be better equip with the knowledge and desire to show true sympathy and compassion for one another.
Easier said than done….right? Believe me, I’m still trying....trying to figure out the difference between constructive and unconstructive honesty and the type of frankness that can get you into a lot of trouble.

(The photos on this last blog feature the people of the NGO)