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Published: April 27th 2013
The Bride & Groom
Arjun & Gale on their wedding day
Indian Wedding
Chandigarh, the Punjab, India December 26, 2012 - January 2, 2013
After two weeks touring Rajasthan (see previous travel blog:
http://www.travelblog.org/fred.php?id=766822), the event that originally brought us to India took place in Chandigarh, the Punjab - the wedding of *Gale Berninghausen and Arjun Thakur.
*Gale is American (no Indian blood), from Vermont, Arjun is Indian, from Chandigarh, the Punjab, India. They met in India, but live in NYC. We are friends with Gale's parents as her father, John, was our niece Adrienne's professor of Chinese language at Middlebury College let's just
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
In the cloak room at Arjun's parent's house the attendant arranged the shoes - the Indians seem to have a flair for making everything pleasing to the eye say "a few," years ago. We met John and his lovely wife Alice at Adrienne and Rob's wedding in Vermont. Alice & John spend time each winter in Tucson, so we get to spend fun time with them every year in AZ, plus we have visited them in Vermont. On one such visit we met Gale, but not Arjun, so getting invited to their wedding was pleasant surprise and one we accepted immediately. We wouldn't have missed this for the world!!
On Christmas day we returned to Delhi after two weeks of exploring Rajasthan by car. To our surprise and delight the owners of our small hotel threw a nice celebration for the staff and guests - free food and drinks for everyone!! Remember, this is a country of Hindus and Muslims, not many Christians, which made the hotel owners' kindness even more appreciated. We did, however, go to bed early as we were catching a morning flight to Chandigarh.
Well, we THOUGHT we were flying north. Turns out the airport in Chandigarh was fogged in - nothing was going in or out of the city all day. In reality
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
Gale sat for hours getting henna designs on her hands, arms, feet and legs nothing flew in or out most of the week. Evidently this is quite common at that time of year in Chandigarh. We were already through security and at the gate when we got word about the cancellation. Since this is a common occurrence, the airlines had someone walk us through everything; our airfare was immediately refunded without question. We then collected our baggage without incident, went outside to a taxi stand and hired a car to drive us to Chandigarh -
seven hours!! Actually it should have taken closer to five hours, but our driver (1) had to get gas, and I do mean gas, not petrol - the taxi ran on natural gas, and what must have been the only natural gas station for miles was backed up 10 cars deep at each pump. (2) When we finally did get underway, our driver had to stop every half hour or so to smoke - we asked him not to smoke in the car; might have been a mistake. Then of course (3) we had to stop for a meal. So, long story short, though the road between Delhi and Chandigarh was excellent, it was dark when we arrived. Finding
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
Gale's henna. The results of hours spent getting henna applied our guesthouse in Chandigarh proved a challenge too, but eventually after asking directions every few blocks, we finally arrived.
Alice and John Berninghausen, our friends and parents of the bride, greeted us. Unbeknownst to us, the groom's parents were putting all the American guests (approx. 40) up in guesthouses and fully hosting us - not only lovely rooms and meals, but with transportation too!! There was a fleet of cars and drivers at our disposal at all times. Because it was a guesthouse situation, we had staff that brought us coffee/tea in the mornings and then the other meals were taken family-style in the beautiful dining room. All the rooms had desks (wi-fi) and sitting areas, but there was also a large living room with a TV, a tea and coffee making set-up, etc. What an amazing place as we could all interact smoothly and comfortably in addition to having our own spaces. It was such a delight to get to know Gale & Arjun's family and friends; all lovely, fun people and the accommodations definitely facilitated that interaction.
Another lovely detail about our guesthouse was that it was a
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
Arjun and his mother. As part of the Haldi ceremony Arjun's family applied turmeric colored paste to his head, face, upper body two-minute walk to a lake, around which was a spotlessly clean, well-maintained walkway, with a separate bike path. We walked it every day. Once a birding group had a tent set up where you could borrow binoculars and they'd help identify the various birds in and around the water. On the weekend a portion was used as a carnival area. Every day you could rent paddle boats, which were popular, as was just walking around the lake - lots of locals taking advantage of a beautiful, natural area.
Because of the closed airport, all the wedding party landing in Delhi had to arrange to get to Chandigarh by road. Arjun's family and friends in Delhi dealt with that issue: meeting planes and arranging cars for everyone. Turns out Bernard and I were "rock stars" because we did it on our own; just called after we'd arranged everything to let them know not to meet our plane in Chandigarh. With all the other guests needing assistance, they were relieved they didn't have to worry about us.
Before the wedding festivities began, we had the opportunity to see a local site, a
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
Bernard with Arjun and two other friends sporting their custom-tied Rajput turbans "rock garden" - see photos at end of blog - and go shopping for our wedding clothes. We were impressed with how many of Arjun's male friends dressed in traditional Indian wedding attire. Not surprised at how many women chose to do so - we couldn't WAIT to dive into trying on all the amazing Indian clothes. The experience in the special wedding clothes shop was a highlight for many of us - so many gorgeous gowns and outfits; the vibrant colors; the variety of styles. We were mesmerized. The dress I bought is known as an anarkali, which means pomegranate and was given that name because of the way the split outer garment drapes over the full-skirted dress beneath it.
That evening after sightseeing a bit and shopping a lot, Gale's parents, Alice & John, hosted a party at the guesthouse for all out-of-town guests. As I said, there were over 40 of us I think. Several couple friends of John & Alice were not staying at our guesthouse but at the Taj Hotel, so we met them for the first time. They were staying in India longer; touring in Rajasthan after the wedding,
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
Janet & Marie. All the women were provided bangles to match their wedding clothes. We were told to take as many as we needed for our various outfits as were many of Arjun and Gale's friends. NOTE: One friend, Nicole, is still traveling (as of April 14, 2013) in SE Asia; just got a journal entry from Cambodia the other day!!
Mehendi/Haldi Ceremony
We'd had a tutorial from Gale one evening on how to greet one's elders, not-so elders, contemporaries, etc. so we felt ready. Yes, we would attempt to touch the feet in deference to Arjun's grandmother, but not his parents, for example. We'd add "ji" to the end of all names to show respect and call most of his female family members "aunty-ji" even if they weren't technically aunts - easier and respectful. We would "Namaste" everyone, which avoided the awkward should-we-shake-hands issue.
Mehendi Ceremony: It's not only the bride who has henna applied to her hands, feet and legs by a skilled artisan during this ceremony. The whole family, mainly the female members like sisters, mother, cousins and friends of the bride participate. Gale had a master artisan apply her henna, which took hours. A different artisan decorated the rest of the ladies and most of us choose to have only our hands and arms
Taj Hotel Gala
Amrita, Karan's wife; Leslie, Eric's wife; Eric, Gale's brother; Rakesh, Arjun's father; behind is Karan, Arjun's brother; Arjun & Gale; Alice, Gale's mother; Deepa, Arjun's mother; John, Gale's father adorned.
It used to be mainly an occasion for ladies, where they sang traditional wedding songs and danced. But these days it is more of a cocktail party where all the gents and the ladies party together, reflecting their happiness for the bride and groom. In fact, in a typical Hindu or north Indian wedding, Mehendi is one function and ceremony that all the family members look forward to. They feel that it is the best time to exude excitement and happiness. These days, Mehendi ceremonies are performed with a lot of style and a lot of investment is made on this occasion, like other major occasions such as the engagement celebration and wedding reception.
This was a combined Mehendi and Haldi ceremony, so while Gale was having intricate henna designs applied to her hands, arms, legs and feet; the bridegroom’s family was applying Haldi (turmeric and water) to Arjun. This ritual is meant to help the groom "overcome" shyness. The ceremony is a cleansing and purifying ceremony before the actual wedding. Haldi or turmeric is a detoxifying agent; it makes the skin fair and thereby increases attraction between the
Taj Hotel Dinner/Dance
The bride had on an amazing outfit which took her over an hour to get on and included an heirloom scabbard and jewelry bride and her groom (theoretically). The accompanying traditional songs, dance, mehendi rituals and general discussions of love, marriage and after-marriage commitment make for a lively occasion.
Also taking place at this combined Mehendi/Haldi ceremony was the turban tying event: all the male guests were presented with their seven yards/meters of material (different designs for the friends and family of the bride and groom) and then a professional tied the turbans on their heads. They wore the turbans for the rest of the party and had to carefully remove and store them for use the following day at the wedding.
There was so much happening that day - women chanting and singing, men and women performing rituals and blessings. We were also being fed copious amounts of food. In fact, we ate so many hor d’oeuvres thinking they were the "mains" that when they unveiled chaffing dish after chaffing dish of delicious main courses we could hardly eat. Notice I said "hardly" because you couldn't stop us from trying all the delicious treats on offer - wow, and this was just the start of the amazing, overwhelming, copious, delicious food we
Wedding Day
Gale, the bride, with her "ride" a 1928 Ford Model A were to eat for the next three days.
Taj Hotel Dinner/Dance
Later that evening we had another ceremony of sorts, a formal dinner hosted by Arjun's brother, Karan, and his family at the Taj Hotel. It was a Taj Hotel in Mumbai (Bombay) that was taken over by terrorists in 2008, so understandably the security was impressive: mirrors under the cars, opening of hoods and trunks, metal detector for persons and luggage.
The venue was beautiful, but the people even more so. The photos show only a small sampling of the amazingly colorful Indian wedding clothes.
Naturally they fed us again. This time we had several cuisines to choose from: Continental & Oriental, Punjabi, and Hyderabadi cuisines. And naturally we tried it all!! We did manage to save a little room for the table full of desserts as it was NECESSARY to try all of them - for the sake of cultural sensitivity, naturally.
To work off the huge amounts of food we'd consumed that day, we proceeded to dance well into the night - in fact they had to
Wedding Day
The bride rode with her parents, Alice & John, to the wedding in this beautiful 1928 Ford Model A feed us again!! Finger food this time, but have I mentioned that the Punjabis have perfected the art of serving finger food? They have so many servers circulating not only with platters of food, dipping sauces, utensils and napkins, but they are followed shortly by servers collecting your used napkin or empty glass/plates. Some Americans found the service attention over-much, but we quite enjoyed it.
Wedding Day
This was the only day of the entire week that was sunny and warm - fabulous luck, as the wedding venue was all outdoors!! And you can see from the photos how beautifully decorated Arjun's family compound was. I do not even want to think about how many people and hours it took to string all those marigold blossoms, let alone hang them all. There were also giant bouquets of tropical flowers (this is NOT tropical flower territory) throughout the compound.
Not overly early wedding day morning (thank goodness - it had been a late night) found us preparing for the main event. Gale had no doubt been up since dawn getting dressed - it took hours for her to get into
Wedding Day
The groom, Arjun, riding his white horse to a nearby temple for a blessing just before the wedding her various outfits throughout the week. In the guesthouse driveway a 1928 Model A Ford convertible painted pink, with pink upholstery and covered with tropical flowers and with the top down awaited Gale and her parents. They rode the mile and a half between the guesthouse over to Arjun's childhood home where the wedding was being held. People passing on motorcycles and in cars were taking photos on their cell phones and smiling. The rest of us from the guesthouse hopped in the fleet of cars and raced over to Arjun's house - passing the Model A on the way - to be there to greet Gale and her parents upon arrival.
A street band with drums, trumpets, baritone horns and other raucous instruments, which broke out in very catchy Indian music when we arrived, first greeted us and then Gale's car. All of Gale's women friends, wearing saris or other colorful Indian clothing, began to dance Punjabi-style, hands in the air twirling, dancing in front of the convertible as it drove slowly forward. The leader of the street band was choreographing our dancing - motioning for us to twirl, dance
Wedding Day
We discovered the car before Gale did and HAD to have our photo with it. It matched my dress!! more vigorously or slowly. Wonderfully exciting and colorful, with other uniformed brass and drum bands playing (two different ones) at the same time within the family compound.
Later Arjun came from the same direction (after a quick trip to a nearby temple) on a white horse with someone holding a tall umbrella over him. He was decked out in a royal sequined-rich costume, white and gold, with a tall crown and a golden saber in a golden scabbard, and the band escorted him playing the same kind of joyful music, totally raucous and rhythmic, as his male relatives did the same kind of Punjabi hands in the air, shoulder shaking, high stepping, twirling dancing in front of and around the horse upon which he was arriving. There were six monks (Hindu, probably Brahmin) chanting in Sanskrit with amplification that began as he walked into the backyard (huge and flamboyantly decorated back garden) and then when everyone was seated at tables set up in the yard, Gale entered with three little girls preceding her and brother Eric holding an umbrella over her, as a brother is supposed to. All the many Indians guests, maybe 150 of
Wedding Day
There were many, many occasions on this day when threw rose petals on the couple them, were very complimentary of Gale's family for how well everyone looked and acted the part of an Indian family and especially Gale, how well she followed the Indian protocols and how perfectly dressed she was, how she wore her sari with grace and dignity, just like a well-educated Indian woman would. Gale's mother, Alice, got the same compliments. Eric was declared to be a completely convincing Rajput warrior (Arjun's family ancestry, warrior/ruler caste from Rajasthan, the Wild West part of India), except for his paler complexion.
Again, there were numerous ceremonies going on throughout the compound that day. It was rather amusing that while what we considered the important ceremony, Gale & Arjun sitting together, receiving and giving prayers and blessings, most of the people were not paying much attention or were observing the other smaller events taking place. We'd been given a small book (in both Hindi & English) explaining the prayers, vows and blessings being bestowed on the couple, which transfixed the Americans; none of us had been apart of anything quite like it.
And then we ate. Yes, there had been the usual plethora of food
Reception
Couple with Arjun's family: brother and wife on left, parents on right platters circulating, but fool me once . . . we had saved our appetites for the real buffet. What can one say about Indian food? The mixture of ingredients and spices prepared expertly and lovingly . . . well, let's just say I took an anti-indigestion pill at the start of each day KNOWING I was going to over-indulge with spicy food. (I'm still trying to take off the pounds I accumulated in India!!)
There was no dancing at the actual wedding event, so after eating and drinking too much, and having had a late night the night before, we were back at the guesthouse fairly early. Yes, we were fed another meal at the guesthouse later that evening, and yes we ate it with relish - the food was soooooo good!
Gala/Reception
The fanciest gala was held the night after the wedding. This event was hosted by Arjun’s parents: Arjun’s father is a senior career IAS (Indian Administrative Service) government official and Arjun’s mother holds a Ph.D. in English literature, writes text books and works on literacy campaigns.
All the major players in Punjabi
Reception
Arjun's brother, Karan, his wife, Amrita, and daughter, Naintara politics came to pay their respects to Arjun's father, and of course they came with entourages of personal assistants and bodyguards. Most of those men came in, went up on stage to greet the family, had a drink, ate some appetizers and mingled for a few minutes before leaving, all in a tight ball of security. I didn't feel it appropriate to take any photos of those folks.
The venue for this gala was nothing short of spectacular. The streamers of flower blossoms this time were all white - roses, carnations, lilies. I'll not even attempt to describe what the photos will much more clearly relate - it was AWESOME! There were the usual (and my favorite) circulating army of waiters with appetizer trays; then a dinner (in separate room) with so many cuisines and dishes to choose from my head was spinning. Also strategically located were several wine/alcohol bars, at least six salad stations, several coffee/tea stations, and of course a variety of desserts that made your teeth hurt just looking at them. Oh, and did I mention a live band and dancing to top-off the evening? I've put detailed captions on the photos
Reception
The bride's mother, Alice, brother, Eric, and Eric's wife, Leslie that should answer any remaining questions you may have.
Departure Folks began leaving the following morning and trickled out over the next couple of days, but not without difficulty because the Chandigarh airport remained closed. Having anticipated this, Arjun's family had made arrangements for cars to transfer folks to the airport in Delhi - a five-hour drive. We had debated waiting until the last minute to cancel our plane tickets thinking if the flight were officially cancelled first we'd get a full refund. We decided we needed to make a decision and arrangements before then, so arranged through the guesthouse for a car and drove back to Delhi; to a hotel as we were flying home early the next morning. The Chandigarh-Delhi return trip with a professional driver and no smoke breaks took only five hours. Turns out we got a full refund on our plane ticket anyway.
We spent the night at a hotel near the airport for convenience in catching our 3:30 a.m. flight home. Flying from Asia to the states (and visa-versa) is an arduous journey taking some 36 hours of travel time. As you might
Wedding Day
Arjun's family home was extensively decorated; one of the many flower-petal mosaics imagine, we were exhausted when we got back, but ever so grateful to be back in our own bed. Did I mention that the beds in India were the hardest we've EVER encountered? Someone once said the best part of traveling is returning home, and while that isn't entirely true for us, there is a lot to be said about a comfortable bed and familiar surroundings . . . until the next travel bug bites that is.
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Carlos
non-member comment
Increíble todo... no se puede creer. Espectacular.
I don´t have a word to say after seeing all this, incredible. Guys you look fantastic and immersed in that great culture... Good for you... besos from Argentina