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Published: April 12th 2008
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to kashmir or not to kashmir? that is the question. newspapers and book say it's too dangerous. but no one that we have talked to says that it is. in fact, they all rave about it - locals and foreigners alike. and, we must admit that we're enjoying the weather up here. a lot. cool clear days, no humidity, and nights cool enough for a sheet and blanket (blanket and comforter for allielle). the thought of dying in the heat further south keeps us here and the northernmost state of india, more mountains, snow, and highland deserts lure us. bombings and shootings deter us. part of me says que sera sera. the other part says don't be dumb. the battle continues because, as i said before, i'd rather be taking my chances in india than "safe" at home in philadelphia. i just don't know. we will decide today.
went to a coffee shop for breakfast. strange to have western food and a mocha and sit someplace filled with white people while dave mathews plays softly. every now and then when we do such things, it is easy to forget for a moment that we are in india.
we knew
chess
arielle plays chess with hott tibetan boys that this summer would change us. that it will change us. that is why we decided to travel. to be able to get away, detox from four years of bryn mawr. it didn't sink in at all during graduation that i was *graduating from college*. that four very important years of my life were coming to an end. it all happened too fast, and i knew that it wouldn't sink in until arielle and i sat here in india sipping chai and processing about "what it all meant."
what i have found though, and i believe arielle has too, is that it's not bryn mawr that we're thinking about. in fact, it is the opposite. for once, bryn mawr is not consuming our lives. classes, dorms, drama, yearbook, RUGBY --- these things are but fleeting thoughts. i am pleasantly surprised to be thinking about other things. to rediscover other memories that have nothing to do with bryn mawr pennsylvania. to recall my childhood, high school, little league sports... to think abstract thoughts about the future. to think about people, friends and enemies from before and from bryn mawr, but not in the context of the bi-college community.
mostly,
jan and the boys
jan [pronounced john] owned a small jewelry store on the hill on the way to the hotel. he and his kashmiri friends were very good to us. though, it is nice not to have to think. to just eat, sleep, watch people, let people watch us, shop a little, and just *exist* --- the only worries being about where we might want to get our next meal or what might be on TV. and to know that it's afordable. we're spending an average of $5 or $6 a day - hotel included. our budget is approximately $12 a day. when we travel we make up for it, but it is not a concern.
i don't know how much sense any of that made. just rambling. thinking. in other news, i've been wearing a skirt almost every day since we arrived in dharamsala. i never wear skirts. india does strange things.
****
i am bored, and it is hard to be bored in india.
i wrote before about the differences between the people and the atmosphere in amritsar versus dharamsala. it is strange here. too many tourists make me feel like i am just part of the crowd, just another westerner. and i suppose, truthfully, that is what i am. but i feel so incredibly removed here. perhaps it is precisely *because* we were
always being watched in amritsar that we have been making no moves to stand out here. i wear my salwar kameez and feel like a poser. i smile at the monks and nuns and they return my nods, but it is only in passing. our hotel owner, samir (possibly sameer?) and the manager are the only ones with whom i have honestly tried to make contact, and i am bored with them.
i think my frustration comes from the fact that i know we have not explored all of dharamsala and there is so much more to see, but we seem to have become complacent in just *existing*. and that is not okay.
the monks and nuns confuse me. i think that is part of what is causing this ... dare i call it angst... is that i do not understand what is going on here. right now there is a buddhist monk sitting behind me in the internet cafe. earlier a nun was eating lunch at the cafe where i was getting a lassi. they are all over town, shopping, eating in restaurants -- acting like tourists with shaved heads and robes. where do they get the money? do parents send their kids here? do they also send them spending money? from my observations, it appears more like a religious boarding school than anything. and i am curious. and i think that when i leave here i will head down to the monastery and find out what's up, because i'm sure i don't have it right and i want to know how this place functions. and again, i am surprised by the lack of ... holiness? ... with the main temple and the dalai lama's residence. a complete 180 from the awe inspiring sanctity of the sikh golden temple. i am just so confused by dharamsala. by the town itself, and by our interactions with it and the choices we are making here.
ah, the joy of feeling angsty about something other than bryn mawr . ha!
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