"Ha! I got the knife! Now turn on the Goddamn lights!"

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All my posts from Tibet will be titled by lines from 'The Golden Child'.

Day Deux- Lhasa, Tibet

After a freaking thunderstorm from the Wizard of Oz and a Brit whose snoring and flatulence was cruel and unusual, I woke up super early and headed to the Jokhang again, this time to see the inner halls chapels and to experience it with all of the pilgrims. Seriously, this kid is working my last nerve, and I haven't even spoken a word to him yet. All I know is that he snores like there's a flap of steak lodged in his throat. I love the British, but this guy is testing me in a Hugh Grant meets Howard Stern type way. My first thought was "crap, this guy probably has sleep apnea, and if he stops breathing that means I'm gonna have to do something other than take his pillow for my feet." Anyways he's leaving tomorrow according to our other roomate, saweeet! May your hitching travels bring you prosperity and lonely farmers.

They say in the guidbooks that you don't have to pay a fee to enter the Jokhang, but that's not the case. If you don't look like you are a Tibetan pilgrim, they are gonna charge you 70 yuan to get in. Once inside I visited all the same places that I did the day before and then headed to the inner halls along with the throngs of pilgrims. You have to wait in line for the more popular chapels, mainly the temple of Jowo Sakyamuni, the most important shrine in all of Tibet. Once you make it to the statue's left, everyone bows down and puts their forhead against the tapestries at his feet before you get the tap on the back from the bouncer monk telling you to get a move on. The wait was probably 20 minutes, but it's well worth it. The whole atmosphere is something else with all of the chanting going on.

After another inspiring visit to the Jokhang I was walking out of the front entrance and I see this face that looks really familiar. I usually bump into someone that I know or recognize every time I travel, proof to myself of how small this world is. Get this for coincidence. It was the Dean of Harvard School of Public Health. Before I even gathered my thoughts in my head I screamed out "DEAN BLOOM!", which totally caught him off guard. Perhaps he thought it was the Buddha himself commanding his attention. Anyways, I ran over and shook his hand and after exchanging pleasantries and explaining how I knew he was we were both like..."ummm, okay, guess we don't have anything else to talk about. Nice seeing you." Julia, since you're buddy buddy with the guy you can tell him you know the guy who bum rushed him in Tibet. Take a look below at the other pictures I took from the roof of the Jokhang and the interesting decorative touches I discovered on the building. The weather today was much different that just the day before and there were snowcaps on most of the mountains.

So I did more souvenir shopping around the Bharkor, I don't seem to get tired of walking around that place. One point of interest is that you notice the vast majority of the merchants are ethnic Chinese. You can find anything in the Bharkor. The thing that first stood out to me was all these scruffy looking dudes rockin' Summit Series North Face jackets. In addition to this, there are homeless looking kids rockin Von Dutch hats. Way to go bootleg gear and free trade zones! The quality is obviously lame, it's like they went into walmart, picked up the clearance deal on jackets and then sewed some North Face patches on them.

The male pilgrims have their hair up in a bun tied together with this red yarn, and some of them have old school daggers which you could pretty much gut livestock with in one swing. Man, you should see some of the toy guns that they have here. It's like back in the good ole day when you were allowed to play with toy guns that looked real and that was ok. This little kid ran up to me and pointed this freaking real looking 9mm at me, I almost had to step on him out of fear. All I could think about was how toys like that aren't ever gonna see the light of day back in the States. Sorry kid, if you pull that in the US, you better hope they have crayons and grade school tutors at Guantanamo.

It scares me to say so, but I'm getting used to these squat toilets. Except for the smell which requires me to hold my breath and almost faint anytime I go into a WC. For any travellers headed to Lhasa, you'll be happy to know that at the Dicos in Bharkor square you'll find some sparkling facilities.

Wandering west from the Bharkor you enter the Chinese section of town which is utterly disappointing in that it looks like any other big Chinese city and is further encroaching on the Tibetan section of town. Who in the ANC remembers "Jeans West", in the Northway mall right? Well you'll be happy to know that the chain is alive and well in China and they are selling the same quality gear they are known for (hmph) here in Lhasa. Given that people in the Tibetan section of town gather around windows to look in and watch movies that are played on TV's in little bars, where is the need for there to be 10 cellular phone stores and special deals on DVD players all on the same boulevard.

Anyways, you've got to head west in order to visit the Potala which towers over Lhasa and would be the Tibetan equivalent of the White House, to put it in familiar terms. It's really an amazing sight and just enormous in size. Once you get in though there's tons of construction going on in the square, and you have to hoof it up several long ass flights of stairs to get to the very top. It's also a whopping 100 yuan (12 bucks) to get in. You can't take any pictures on the inside, but it's really just amazing at how many temples and shrines they have in one freaking building. Not to mention all the detailed paintings on the wall and the history of the place itself. You also get a breathtaking view of Lhasa the city. I probably spent about 2 hours descending the three floors. Man, I walk so much it's gonna be quite a change once I get back to the states and don't have the time to wander around for 5 hours at a time. Perhaps one of you will be so kind as to serve as my personal rickshaw driver. Of course I would compensate you at a level 3 times that of the drivers here...heck, lets make it 4. I've really got to read up on my Buddhism though, I'm having difficulty keeping my Buddhas from my Bodhisattvas. After a while you can get templed out and everything starts merge into one huge buddhist soup of dieties. Man, I did pick up this sweet statue which I'm keeping for myself. It's got a bodhisattva with his shakti in an embrace and it looks like one of them is getting the...well, it's art.

Lhasa is full of western backpackers and if you've travelled you know what that's like when they get together. All you can hear are a bunch of "I've been here, I've been there, blah blah blah" trying to show off how worldly they are and oneup the person next to them. Man, if you've crapped in a hole, then you've crapped in a hole. I don't care what the coordinates of the hole were. I guess I shouldn't complain too much since I don't run into any of that in Chengdu and I bet after a few beers I sound like some of these twats as well. Next time someone tries to pull that crap on me, I'm just going to totally start making up places that don't even exist. "Oh yeah dude, I took a year off university to farm badonkies on Pellegrinoweiser. What's that? Oh, you won't find it on any map, I was the only westerner to ever set foot on the island. Plus the island sank, what with the added weight due to my successful farming of the badonkies and all." I think its a skill you pick up to speak simple ESL phrases though, you should see the gong show that occurs when some people are trying to get their point across using ridiculously complicated sentences, but in their minds speaking slower will make it understandable. We should all take the example of my friend who while we were looking for a movie theatre in Belgium found the nearest cab driver and screamed "SHREK!". I'll be damned if we didn't find a movie theater from that gesture, though the poor old dude almost had a heart attack.

I am steadily improving at haggling, well as much as I can in the past 24 hours. My strategy now is to ask the going price, from there I lowball at about 25 percent and keep firm until it they won't give anymore, then I'll creep up and we meet happily somewhere in between. The fact of the matter is, we have the luxury and privilege to spend our money on this stuff which are these peoples complete income. I've seen a couple of guys so stoked that they bargained a guy out of another 12 cents, it's ridiculous. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to gain by stickin it to a guy who works from sunrise to way past sundown for 12 cents. Way to go dude, you really showed him. Maybe we can go over to the orphanage and you can plunk a couple kids in dodgeball while you are riding that high of superiority. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not going to be bent over on a price just for the sake of helping someone out.

What I am also becomming an expert in is the covert "set up the camera and take a picture of yourself before anyone notices" move. It's made for some good photos however, cause I can set up the shot exactly how I want it. Part of me wonders how crazy I look and the other part of me fears that if I get too far away from the camera, someone is going to just sweep by and run off with the camera a la National Lampoons European Vacation.

The Tibetans that run this place are a crazy fun bunch. Seriously, I can hear them up and laughing until like 3 or 4 in the morning. They also seem to take part in flirty little water fights between the males and the females. It was like when you were in 5th grade and the boys would throw water on the girls and then awe would ensure if some girls t-shirt got wet. Well, it's not quite like that, it's more like a wet apron contest here I guess. There's no way I would be interested in a Tibetan water fight though, mostly because I'd be scared of the water. Any water that would be thrown would have to first be boiled, then cooled to below room temperature or come from a bottled source, neither of which would make for a very interesting water fight. They have these seriously loud and giggly water fights several times a day though. It doesn't seem to get old and I keep wondering whose gonna use the trump card of the bedpan and shut things down for good. Sheesh, you should see the UV rays that this place gets though. When it's sunny outside, we are talking you better protect your retinas. Even through a mostly cloudy day, I can tell my nose is a little scorched.

Alright, I'm through ranting on this one. This yak milk is gettin me toahn-up. I can legitimately use the term "sippin' on yak" every day here.

much love,
ak

Wow, I just watched the Tom Cruise/Matt Lauer interview. Way to go tommy, perhaps you'd be interested in taking danny's place to discuss Sino-US relations. Idiot.

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Photos

Prayer Wheels
Taken outside one of the temples on the Bharkor circuit first thing in the morning on the way to the Jokhang. Probably one of the better photos I've taken if I do say so myself.

It's a damn shame
I don't know what the bigger tragedy is...the fact that a store like this exists in the Bharkor of Lhasa, or the spelling which is hugely inconsistent between the two signs right next to eachother. Seriously, when the sign guy shows up with two signs that don't even look like eachother, you gotta break out the dictionary and start asking questions.

Inside the Jokhang
Prayer wheels line the outer halls of the Jokhang which everyone circles clockwise before heading into the inner halls with its chapels.

Me and my favorite Dragon
What a difference a day makes, this is the same spot that I took those pictures the day before, but you'll note now there's termination dust on the mountains and I could see my breath...ahh, just like home.

The Golden Roof of the Jokhang
Just a picture to attempt to show the detail of the carvings and metalwork that has gone into the building...WAIT-A-MINUTE...what is that in the lower right hand corner?

Can I see the blueprints again? Which one of you monks is messin with me...
Yep, that's definitely a wang, get it...I'm in China and I threw in the word...oh nevermind. Anyhow it's definitely male genetalia on the side of the being, or at least part of it. Supposedly meant to ward off evil. So that's what it's for, wish they would have told me that in 5th grade health class. I'm curious as to what is on the other side of that wall.

Me outside of the Potala
The palace of the Dalai Lama and site of several past Dalai Lama Tombs. Freaking enormous. Look at the ladies on the wall behind me, they're feeling sorry for the kid with the tripod taking pictures of himself.

Work it
They have this awesome way of tamping down the roofs. They all get organized with these heavy sticks and then sing chants while patting down the roof beneath them. Picture East High Step club, but with flattened shovels.

Two wild and crazy guys
I finally mustered up the will to ask one of the monks if I could take a picture with him. He told me to call him later on so we could go out to The Player's Club.