Updates and Lang Shan

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Hey everyone. It's been awhile so I figured i'd do some updating. Although nothing terribly exciting has happened, i'm hoping that someone out there is interested in what i've been up to. Well, in short i've been very busy. I just went back and looked and saw that I haven't updated anything since Chinese New Years, which means I missed the beginning of school. Whoops.

So my school came up to me and told me that I'd be teaching freshmen. This kind of shocked me because Mike (The other FT here) previously taught the freshmen and it seemed weird that they'd change and give me the freshmen when they knew him already. So I talked to Mike and we decided to switch. Shirley, my lovely FAO, told us that there's another couple on the way and they'll be here in about 2 weeks after school started, so Mike had a heavy load last term and so he wanted an easier load this time. Freshmen have 20 classes whereas Sophomores have 16. So I guess I screwed him over on that. I volunteered to take some of his classes if he wanted a lighter load but he insisted it would be ok since it's only a few weeks. Hey man I tried! I was excited to get the sophomores because that's where all my friends are and I know a lot of them already, so it'd be easier to go into it and if I had any problems I already know them and they can help me out. So as I said I have 16 classes. Cept not really. There are 8 sophomore classes total. Of course I only teach English majors. Each class is an hour and a half long, and so they say that it is 2 classes rather than one. So each class is actually two. It's kinda cool to get this rather than 45 minutes. I can just BS through 45 minutes easily so hour and a half leaves a good amount of time to do something and really get in-depth on stuff rather than feeling like I have to rush through. So 8 classes. Then I received my time table for the classes. To my horror and utmost dismay, I have class at 8am every day except Tuesday (10am). Holy hell what did I get myself into? I haven't had to wake up this early for like 8 years. Bye bye late nights. 😞

I have to give my kids 3 exams for the term. 70% of their final grade is their final exam which is horrible. I hated grading like that when I was in college and now i'm doing it to my kids. Oh well. So I decided to give them one exam right off the bat. First week was introductions blah blah blah and then I got them ready for the exam so I can really figure out where they're at with their English. Oral exam + written exam which was basically just what they are going to say in their oral exam. The classes are 95% girls. Most boys I have in a class is 4. So I gave them the topic of womens equality. It was a topic in the book OK!? Plus since their former teacher passed away mid-term, they were supposed to finish the book on their own. So I tested them on something they should have already done anyway. Plus it's an important issue in China these days since most of the men still have incredibly ignorant traditionalist views towards women. Yeah i'm defending myself, big whoop wanna fight about it?

Anyway after the exams I came to understand where they're at. Their writing is absolutely deplorable. Equivalent of US middle school kids. Their writing teachers have no idea about any of the rules of formal writing which causes them to write like retards. I'm no Shakespeare but at least I know how to compose a good formal essay. Their essays are filled with everything that goes against the rules of formal writing. Seriously look at the rules and they break every single one. When I talked to them about it they all say that it's how their teachers tell them to do it for the examinations. Then I say that their teachers are complete retards who also have terrible English. Chinese are extremely ethnocentric. I mean, all cultures are I guess, but they somehow have their idiotic idea that their Chinese English teachers have better English than I do when their CET's can't even talk to me. Then the students wonder why they also have horrible English: because they're listening to the wrong people. They even showed me a paper on how they are supposed to write. If they handed these papers into a English professor in the US the teacher would just throw the paper away. Ok enough about that. Actually, I failed a lot of kids because I started to find that they were just copying a essay off the internet and then going to the exam and READING the paper. Didn't even take the effort to memorize it. So yeah I failed them. I'm not going to pass someone for doing nothing. Cheating is another huge part of the Chinese education system. EVERYONE cheats. Then they're terrified to hear that we just expel anyone who cheats in our Universities. It's pretty pathetic. They are incapable of thinking for themselves. Not their fault, it's the system. So within the last few weeks i've become bitter towards how they learn and I found that I was giving them way too much credit. Sure their English is better than my high schoolers, but they're just as lazy. But I love em.

So as I said my classes are early now, so I go to sleep before 12 every night and wake up at like 7:30. Ugh, it's terrible. But really it's not so bad since there's nothing to do at night anyway. All of the teachers have learned about how good I am because I actually take some responsibility for my kids and I actually try to help them rather than most of the FT's that seem to roll through here and are just here for the women or whatever. They always say how hardworking I am since i'm always out and about working on something for class or talking to the kids. So I have a good reputation here.

Other than work work work I haven't had a lot of time to do any traveling or anything exciting. I sometimes go to the bar because all these foreign teachers ask me to go every single weekend, all they want to do is go to the bar. This new bar we started going to had a transvestite working there. I guess she was from Thailand and she still had the face and voice of a man. So he was trying to sing all high like a woman and it just sounded terrible. Then he/she'd stop singing and take all her clothes off. I'm convinced Chinese guys are all borderline gay because all they do is hold each other tenderly, dancing with each other more than girls, and when this dude with boobs showed up they just lost it. A few weeks ago I got on stage and danced with her/him whatever it is. I danced all close on it and it got real shy and embarrassed. Apparently it's not shy to take off it's clothes on stage but as soon as a strange white guy tries to grind it's weird. So now my life is complete, I danced on stage with a tranny. Too bad it was too dark to take video or pictures 😞

These last few days i've been extremely busy. I kind of act as the unofficial foreign teacher representative as it seems like anything PR related is run through me and my bosses call me for advice/information rather than anyone else. Which is cool I guess, I like having a say in things. We had an Australian couple come here to teach. Unfortunately the wife came to China when she didn't like Chinese food, and she just had a horrible time here. She spent most of the time in her room crying because of the culture shock. I understand it's a different culture and it's scary sometimes, but the hardest part about China is actually coming here. Once you're here it's easy to cope, but this woman wouldn't hear any of it. I tried everything I could to convince her it would be fine and the people here are great, but she wouldn't budge. I took her to my class to meet some students, to get to know some people and everything. In class she was great, happy, talking, the students were excited and asking questions, then as soon as class was over "I just need to go home." ./facepalm. Nothing I can do really. So they came to China for 2 days with intentions on living and working here, then they left. Didn't even try really. So I don't want to waste anyones time like that. If people have questions or concerns, you need to sort it out before you sell all your possessions back home.

So they left, then someone found this other guy. An African. He SAID he was from England. As soon as he started giving the practice class I knew he was a liar. He is not from England, he's from Africa. He has no hint of an English accent, it is 100% African. Most of the students couldn't understand him. He gave one of the most basic, piss poor lessons i've seen that these kids do in Junior school and the school was sold somehow. They asked him how long he needs to prepare for the lesson, and he said 10 minutes. They were impressed. Seriously Chinese people are so stupid sometimes. 10 minutes is not enough time to prepare an adequate lesson. If anything that says that he doesn't care about teaching at all. Per most Africans in China though, I have the impression that he's a liar and a cheater or whatever. I'm trying my best to persuade them not to hire this clown.

The same day that that guy came, Mark's (The previous FT who passed away) family came here. His ex-wife and daughter. They were really nice people, from Las Vegas. So we had dinner with them and everything, then the next day we went out to Lang Shan in Shaoyang. The drive to Lang Shan is about 4 hours from Shaoyang to Xining which is also in Shaoyang county. Lang Shan just a mountain range that's been formed by rain and junk. It's pretty cool because it's in Shaoyang and it's protected by the world heritage center or whatever. After being there I am glad I went since it's in Shaoyang, but if I lived further away I wouldn't say there is really a reason to go there. So we stayed the night there and the next day we went home. Immediately upon coming home we went to a bar. I am really getting tired of going to the bar, but this time I had to go because Mark's family was going and I met two other new foreigners and invited them to go as well. So I was obligated this time. Oh well. Again I went there and again it wasn't very fun. It's not fun because the other foreign teachers decide that it's a great idea to invite their high school students who are 16 years old to go to the bar with us. And no one is responsible to watch out for each other. So I end up playing the bodyguard for everyone and I have to tell a bunch of Chinese guys to GTFO every time. These girls are completely naive when it comes to guys in bars and so they think it's ok to talk to all these people. One of the girls got grabbed and taken on stage and this guy was grinding all over her. She was crying on stage, very afraid and her friends didn't even notice. I was outside at the time and when I came in I saw her. I asked her if she was ok and she said no, so I told the guy to GTFO and ripped her away from him. Outside the bar I have to deny all these idiots that are trying to pick up drunk girls outside. I don't know what they were doing because our people weren't even drunk. But they do this right in front of everyone and i'm the only one that steps up and just throws the trash to the side. No one dares try to fight me considering I actually have a respectable job and a position of authority in the city being a foreign teacher. The power!!! muahahaha! Plus there were 5 foreign guys in our group all bigger than these Chinese guys. So I'm tired of playing babysitter, but I guess if I didn't go then no one would do it and it could be potentially dangerous.

Previously this particular bar we attended had a special crowd pleaser in the form of a post-op transvestite from Thailand. She would get on stage and boy her face still looked like a man and her voice sounded like one too. So she'd try to sing high to make it more "natural" and it just sounded horrible. I'm convinced Chinese guys are all borderline gay. All they do is caress each other gently, hold each other in their arms, dance with each other more than they dance with girls, then which this tranny got on stage they just flipped out. Like the perfect man for Chinese guys, a man with boobs. They lose it. After she finishes singing she takes all her clothes off and grinds on some "lucky" guy. Drives the crowd crazy. Afterwards she just kinda dances with people on stage. Last time I got on stage and danced with her. However when I tried to grind on her she got all freaked out and embarrassed. So I embarrassed a tranny who strips on stage. Makes my life pretty much complete.

One of the new FT's i've met yesterday is African, and he's from Accra, Ghana which is pretty crazy considering my grandmother worked there for a number of years. He knew of the International school there as well which was cool. Talking to him though makes me realize that probably none of his students can understand him because his English sucks. We had to explain a bunch of words to him. He couldn't seem to understand us either so I have no idea how he teaches. But it gives you an idea on the "quality" of teachers we have here in China. Most of them are complete scrubs and have no business being around students.

I had more stuff to write however when I tried to write this earlier it failed to save because the website timed out. Awesome.

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Photos

Studying
China's education system summed up in one photo.

Comforter
My friends comforter on her bed. Probably the best comforter i've ever seen.

My school
This is the building I teach. Taken with my phone so the pic sucks

Elaine and I
Me and my friend Elaine. She's gorgeous but underage. Life sucks.

Drew
No3 teacher sleeping

Riky
Other No3 teacher

Lang Shan Hotel
My hotel in Lang Shan.

Lang Shan
On the way to the top!

Big Rock
It's huge

First pagoda
Easy to get there

Sneaky Fires
They'll get ya!

Walkway
A lot of it was like this. The walkway hanging on the cliff edge with no support. It was cool

Scaling
Nerf mountains.

Mountains
Pretty cool, as far as you can see

Natural walkway
You'll see pictures of this later

Walking up the mountain
Going up

Canyon thing
I jumped in.

Destination
We need to get waaaaay up there.

Scenery
More of the walk way and the death drop.

Rock
It's like the flying cocoon from Venture Bros.

Bashful Flowers
They like to smile. Some of them were edible and yes I did eat them.

Comments

[Gams D]

HI
I always look forward to the updates, Andy. I have to print them off for your Gramps, because he doesn't like to read off of the monitor. Yeah...I know. Thanks for doing one of the things you do best. What????