Kenya Round One

---

Saturday
September 22

Oh good God, what a day. Too tired to write yesterday, I'm in bed this evening attempting to write before I nod off with my phone in my hands which will then land on me as I lose my grip. Amusingly, I've watched Denise do it with her Kindle (which hurts more).

We left Meserani at 8am and stopped in at the Cultural Centre again to see their art gallery. There's some unbelievable pieces in there but sadly most of us seem to have expensive taste and no one was willing to chip in for the $6,000 painting I wanted. Sigh. Suse had the cab tilted when we wandered out, changing a part and waiting for it to be brought from the workshop and we were soon on our way, making it down the road to a supermarket where we shopped while she and other crew attempted to fix...whatever it was that needed fixing. As for me, I did what anyone in Tanzania for the first time would do. I continued reading Jane Eyre on Britt's Kindle. Totally hooked, I can't believe I haven't read it before. But anyway. We were there for sometime until it was fixed and Denise locked everyone upstairs and she and I sat in the front, en route to the border. Sad to leave Tanzania and I adored Ma and BJ but the gorillas are getting closer and the excitement is mounting. Insert lots of smiley faces here.
The border was easy. For fifty bucks you get a full page pretty sticker in your passport. Much better than the twenty shillings we each paid to use the stinky bathrooms out the back.
Nairobi was 180km from the border and we were behind schedule. Not to mention that the petrol station we first came across didn't have diesel and said the next one 'only one kilometre down the road' would. The next petrol station we saw was probably fifty kilometres away. Suse loves helpful people like that. With just over a quarter of a tank, I wondered if it was actually a possibility that we'd run out. Fun times.
Arriving within sight of the city, we hit traffic that turned out to be a bottleneck due to cars leapfrogging each other. Oh, if only we knew what was to come. We joined the traffic near the stadium where music blared and the day began to slowly unravel from there.
I've heard about, read about but never been in traffic that is so immense and disorganised that no one moves. Again, cars, minibuses and coaches speed down the adjacent lane meant for oncoming traffic, therefore clogging it. Our lane didn't move as vehicles tried to merge back in. On our left a low flimsy wire fence was meant to keep all from travelling down what will be the new road. Currently smooth dirt and gravel, the fence had been breached and everyone raced down it towards the ever growing pool of red lights gathering at the bottom.
Lights were turned off and then engines. Surprisingly, people were in good moods. There was no car horns blaring, no angry or upset or impatient people (but that may be due to the large amount of Tanzanians who drink and drive) and many simply locked their cars and went for a walk. All well and good until we start moving and an empty car now blocks our way!
Many thought that by standing in front of the truck as the car ahead of us moved forward and waving at us to move up was helpful. Uh huh. Then one tried directing us through an opening that would lead us onto the 'new' road and out of the lane where there had been an accident, so he said. Hesitating only a fraction, we joined the racing cars and made it into fourth gear before slowing to a complete halt again. Now in the thick of nine lanes of traffic (where at most one assumes there should be five or six), we switched the engine off and waited.
And sat and waited. People walked past shouting greetings to the truck full of muzungus. Some asked for drinks and when I showed him my empty water bottle, declared he didn't want water but .... I couldn't understand. We assumed alcohol.
Playing 'if I could eat anything, what would I eat?' is a dangerous game at the best of times. Pizza was mentioned and Suse mused that there was a pizza place only a mile or so up the road. I wondered aloud if she would let Denise and I order pizzas for The Gang and a seed was planted. After minimal deliberations, Denise, Justice and Kev took off up the road disappearing amongst headlights, buses and fumes.
Again we waited. Etc, etc. It's hard to put into words how slow time goes when a situation is beyond your control and you're hungry and tired and frustrated. But then, success! The trio were spotted making their way towards us, arms filled with pizza boxes. Suse whooped and hit the horn several times, making nearby locals jump in surprise.
We feasted. Demolishing almost three pizzas between the three of us in the cab, my taste buds loved it but my stomach, not so much. It was almost a price worth paying. Almost.
The traffic finally started moving and yet the car in front of us didn't. Unsure if they were sleeping (or dead from inhaling bus fumes), Suse jumped out and peered in the tinted windows. Eventually resorting to shouting and knocking on the window, the passenger woke up, roused his driver friend and proceeded to move forward, straight into the car in front. Brilliant. But it just kept getting better. Turns out the car he'd hit was towing another and the rope had snapped. Securing the rope and checking the two cars, Mr Sleepy then proceeded to skim the side of the car on his right, nudging it before clearing it and inching forward.
Meanwhile, the truck on the inside lane had driven straight into the tree growing directly in front of the driver, bending it so it crossed the wind shield and would've been in the passenger's line of vision and yet they kept driving! Suse waved at them to stop and the look of surprise on their faces when they finally spotted it was hilarious.
All in all, we were in the traffic for six hours, arriving at the campsite after 1am, 17 hours after leaving Meserani. No one could've planned for it and at least for Denise, Suse and I up front, there wasn't much to do but laugh.
One last anecdote. Upon clearing the traffic at long last (those nine lanes of traffic had to merge into one), we were bumbling along the single lane road trying to avoid potholes and ignoring the flashing headlights from the vehicle behind us. With only half a lane for each direction, there wasn't really anywhere to go to allow an impatient driver pass. Nonetheless, he saw an opportunity, pulled out and floored it - just as we approached a speed bump. In the dark night, watching as he realised and slammed on the brakes almost on top of the bump, his headlights and tail lights bouncing dramatically, that was funny enough. But after passing one fender bender at the next speed bump, we came across him again having rear-ended a car at the following one. Overtired as we were, we agreed that the day had been an unforgettable one for sure.

---