My dear Sphinx, why art thou so small?

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Only the stupid or the adventurous would choose to visit a desert country with a 4 month old in tow. I prefer the latter moniker, though I leave it up to you dear reader to decide. Our plan was to see the sights of Egypt and Jordan, and end with a tiny stint in Moscow on the way home.

We landed at Cairo at midnight, after a rather pleasant trip on Aeroflot (Russian airlines - side note: to all those who complain about Aeroflot - what the heck are you complaining about? Aeroflot treated us very well. True the air hostesses were clearly graduates of the school of depressed grunters, but it definitely wasn't the horror that so many others on the web have whinged about). Cairo has a rather interesting welcome protocol - you need to buy a visa. Of course, nobody tells you where you need to go. So after queuing up for 10 minutes in the immigration queue, reaching the front, and gleefully presenting ones passport, most tourists are grudgingly sent to the bank to purchase a visa. Because of course, that's where you buy visas (avoiding joke about the credit card visa sign in plain sight at the bank). Anyway, we grabbed our bags and hopped into a taxi to get downtown to our lodgings.

Cairo is rather picturesque at night, particularly at 1am when there aren't many cars. What is particularly impressive are the eerily lit mosques and citadels in the Islamic quarter. Of course, all that changes once you get downtown - where you're greeted by tall, crumbling buildings, covered in grit and clearly in need of a good window washer. Naive fools that we were assumed that years of tourist money and proximity to Europe and the rich Gulf states would have bequeathed Egypt, and particularly Cairo with slightly more.

After a brief hassle purchasing train tickets, we headed out the next morning to Giza - the location of the famous Giza pyramids and the Sphinx. (But first - a plug for our fabulous hostel - Wake Up! Hostel - truly a friendly friendly place, great service, clean and tidy.) The pyramids, it seems, are in a suburb of Cairo. Forget images of trekking across vast desert plains on a camel to get to them. The Giza pyramids are simply a train or taxi ride down the road. Our taxi driver was kind enough to point them out to us as we got close. "Where - oh that pile of rocks behind that office building and beside the Kentucky Fried Chicken?" The Giza site, as all tourist sites, has its share of touts - but these guys believe in getting to you early. So about 5 minutes before the Giza site, a guy suddenly jumped into our taxi, apologising, saying that he was a waiter and was getting a ride from his friend the taxi driver. Of course, 30 seconds later, he's talking perfect English, telling you about his daughter, his devotion to Islam, and even playing a video on his mobile phone of his cousin riding a dancing horse.

Things get more suspicious when he starts giving 'free advice' - "because I like you, and see that you are good honest people - are you muslim by the way?" He tells us how the Giza entrance fees are expensive, and how they are all crooks in there, and charge you extra at every pyramid site. He recommends seeing it the Egyptian way, which is going in via a side entrance, hiring a cheap donkey, and getting it all for free. "All you need to do is blend in with the locals - so make sure you say Salaam Aleikum - not hello, whenever you meet somebody". Suspicions that he is not a waiter, but rather a tout start to surface just as we pull up outside a donkey shop, where our good friend's friend is waiting to tell us about his special deal. That's when the penny drops, and we realize he's a dirty scumbag. I listen to their deal for 30 seconds, say not interested, verbally tussle for another 2 minutes while I try to get back in the taxi, before telling the driver to get us the heck out of here and back to the pyramids.

So we finally get to the pyramids at the clever time of 12pm - just in time for the scorching desert sun. Armed with a 4 month baby, we then proceed to push our dinky stroller through the sand. Okay, that doesn't work. Oh dear - we've got another 10 days in desert countries. Luckily, there is a rocky path that we jump onto - disaster averted!

And here we were, greeted by that incredible sight that every tourist has a photo of - the 3 pyramids of Giza with the smiling face of the Sphinx smack bang in the middle. It was rather awe inspiring ... well, reasonably... until you suddenly notice, that that amazing Sphinx ... is a lot smaller than you thought - kind of like a mini-sphinx that you would see recreated in some provincial museum in that tiny town on the way to what's-that-place. Huh ... perhaps we've been duped, and taken to mini-giza-world. But nay - it was the real deal. The Sphinx is simply small. But of course, we took lots of photos, and plenty at angles that made it look larger, just so that in 20 years time, we can look back and say "oh wow, look how big that Sphinx was!"

We then headed off to visit the 3 pyramids, which was a bit of a hike, particularly considering the heat. There are 3 pyramids at Giza - the big one, the middle size, and the small one - Khufu, Khafre, and Tiny Tim (its actually called Menkaure). They are big, rather impressive and yes, they do have large stones that make you wonder how those poor slaves pushed them up. We have heard various stories of ingenious flotation devices, levers, pulleys and even magnetism, but we're hedging our bets of that good old power-device - the whip.

You can actually go into the pyramids, but we had heard that there really isn't much inside. Instead we just walked and looked at the ancient wonders from every conceivable angle, oohed and aahed a lot, until we finally realized that we had spent 2 hours looking at pile of rocks.

Sun stroke was getting to us, so we retreated to the comforts of a taxi back to Islamic cairo. Our driver was a tiresome chap named Kamel (yes, pronounced camel) who harassed us all the way to hire him for the rest of the day to show us "the amazing sights of Cairo, like only an experienced guide can show you". When we declined numerous times, he decided to get insulting, saying that we shouldn't be so miserly, and then started telling Melenie that she was silly for marrying a poor man, and should have married a rich man, because she's chinese, and China is poor and thus all chinese women need to marry rich men. I fought every itch to pull out by business card and point to the Dr on it, but figured it would be easier if I just shut my mouth.

Our good friend dropped us of in a 'very convenient' spot of Islamic cairo - near most of the major sites. Well, it was near the biggest site - the Citadel, but definitely not convenient. Our intended destination was the Khan El Khalili, a local bazaar that apparently had preserved all the charms and authenticity of medieval Cairo. It was a '10 minute walk that way' according to one kind gentleman, who clearly was kind, but geospatially challenged. After 1 hour of walking, 2 ice-creams and a bottle of coke, we were exhausted, lost, and still had a '10 minute walk that way'.

We did however discover the treasure of Egypt - no, not ancient wonders and buried tombs, but rather packaged mango juice. Sold by the barrel full at every corner and just simply incredibly the best thing ever. Coming second was another Egyptian delight - Koshery - a staple food that is a combination of pasta, noodles, fried onions, and a delightful sauce that makes me salivate while writing this. Ah Koshery, how we love you! We had also picked up a few other eats en route, including a falafel, lots of pocket breads stuffed with various things, and some awesome deep fried potato thingos, but they all paled compared to the wonders of mango juice and koshery.

It was getting late, and we still hadn't reached the intended bazaar, so we decided to quit, and head back to the hostel. This is when we discovered the other delight of Egypt - taxi etiquette. Rule 1 - Cairo taxi drivers are scum. Rule 2 - Cairo taxi drivers are extortionists. Rule 3 - Cairo taxi drivers don't lessen their scumminess even when you have a crying 4 month old baby. We discovered very quickly that the fares demanded by drivers was far far far in excess of that quoted in the lonely planet. What should have cost 5 EGP (~$1), most drivers wanted 40 EGP. After 20 failed taxi boarding attempts, we simply stopped the 21st, jumped in without saying a word, loaded in the pram, and once we were completely settled, told the driver where. To our surprise, he just drove, without asking for a stupid price. The trip home was a tumultuous salad of ecstasy and worry - that possibly he may demand an even more ridiculous price once we got there. When we finally arrived, I decided to give him 10 EGP, but to my horror, discovered my smallest note was a 50EGP. I asked the guy for change, at which he just smiled, shook his head, and pocketed the money. And so went scumbag number 21. Later that night, I read a tiny note in the Lonely Planet which said that in Cairo - you NEVER ask the price - just give them what you think is the right fare at the end, ignore any objections and just walk away. Filthy taxi drivers!

Our transportation woes were not over for the day though. We squeezed in a quick dinner before heading off to catch an overnight train to Luxor. Alas, we ended up getting late. To make matters worse, our taxi driver misunderstood our intended destination, making us even later. We arrived at the station with 1 minute to spare. We ran like crazy, bags in one hand, baby tucked under the arm, and a pram dragging behind, but alas, we missed the train. Worse still, the remaining trains for the night were all booked out, and so too were the trains for the next 2 days. In horror, I returned back to Melenie to tell her that we basically just killed our holiday. But then the bright idea of taking a flight surfaced. It was all very 'Amazing Race'-esque. So we hurried back to a hostel, and called Egypt Air. Of course, the 24 hours service desk happened to be 'temporarily unvailable'. Finally at the midnight, I got through, and managed to book a flight for 6am. All was saved, though it meant a very short sleep that night.

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Photos

She truly was amazed
The pyramid of Khufu - the oldest and largest of the 3 at Giza. Still in pretty good shape considering its 4500 years old!!

Every man and his camel has this photo
And every man and his camel was trying to take this same photo while we were. But ... due to my skillful maneuvering - no other people in the photo!

See how strong he is
The Sphinx - so strong - can carry a pyramid on his back. Not bad for a little fellow like him.

Note the limestone cap
The pyramid of Khufu - biggest at the Giza site - is the only one that still has its limestone cap. Makes it look like a giant cafe with glazing on top.

Sierra is as big as the Sphinx
See - even my 4 month old baby is almost as tall as the Sphinx

I'm negotiating with the Bangles for use of this photo on their next album
Yes - the compulsory "walk like an egyptian" photo. I'm surprised there weren't other tourists taking the same photo. Clearly they weren't as creative or stupid as us.

How come HE gets to sit on the pyramids
Must not be able to read the big signs "no sitting on these ancient wonders".

A convenient camel makes this shot all the better
The edge of the Pyramid of Khafre (which if you say incorrectly sounds like Kaffir).

See ... isn't it such a big monument
Its small ... real small. okay, not that small, but still - I'm sure some local neighborhood parks have bigger monuments. Maybe it used to be big, but its just all crumbled away.

The view from Panoramic point
All 3 pyramids in one photo. I had to walk quite a bit to get this photo.

Btw - did I mention that we took some pyramid photos
A pyramid - just in case you didn't notice any in the other photos.