Turning Back on the Sexual Organ

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There is a sick perverted truth about all this - I do like hating travel sometimes, it can get quite addictive! But eventually over time that is what Africa can do to you. It requires time and patients, more so than any other region and it was here in Cotonou, Benin my patients was starting to wane and my African Journey was about to finish.

Hate is a harsh word (they say) but when you have been stuck in the trunk of cars, been in a bus that’s burnt out, caught up in the Egyptian revolution, unable to get money out countless times and VISA problems. Whilst deep down I do love it, it gets to a point where you have an attitude change towards the place. And that was what happened when I reached the French Consulate in Cotonou to see if I could get a Cameroon VISA for my next intended destination. When this starts to happen its best to leave now whilst on a high so you can look back fondly.

I started at the consulate with my only few words I could be understood with. “Bonsour ca va? Pardon palor petit fraincais, vu palor anglais?” He responds abruptly, something along the lines of. “This is the French consulate, our language is French and this is Benin which also speaks French. We don’t speak English here!”

My sense of humour had gone but it appeared throughout he was serious so I refrained from replying like this. “Oooohhhh so you’re the French fuckwit that everyone’s been talking about. I’ve always thought that the French people I have met to be very friendly people. I didn’t know why your country keeps getting the reputation as arrogant dickheads. But I do… I do see it right now and he is sitting right in front of me behind this glass door.” But you can’t say that, can you, you have to be diplomatic about these things. I did say calmly “Okay well there is no need for the attitude but VISA for Cameroon okay to get here?” Another guy with English was near him and I was informed no and they had no idea how I could get one.

With every blocked path to continue JP5’s Africa trip I would look into the distance, tighten my lips, take a deep breath through my nose and thought that it’s over… breath out than think ‘it can’t be… could this be the end?’ I’d than try and think of some other way.

A lot of the time I thought of flying but that would be a $1000 gamble or something. It’s not a guarantee the VISA will be processed for an Australian at the airport and once I arrive I might get turned back and forced to pay for a flight out no matter what the cost. I started to think of the good times I’ve had and mentally prepared for it to be over.

So for my African adventure to continue I was left with my last resort. An email to the Cameroon embassy in Australia that needed to be replied to within 2 days. Persistence pays off in a lot of cases but in Africa a lot of the time it just produces continual disappointments until enough is enough and your energy levels drop to say, “That’s it I’m done.” But to my surprise the next day I got a response! But the response brought no confidence and no guarantee of a VISA at the airport. With that I went to Royal Air Maroc and looked for a cheap flight out of the continent and to Europe.

Whilst I received that email at the internet café I see a white guy sitting next to me. I was trying to find this cheap German workers accommodation place and thought maybe he’ll know. “Sorry but are you a tourist?” I asked. Later he would say the same thing I have been thinking when people approached me. “When you first said something I thought ‘Oh no don’t talk to me’ than I realised you were a tourist too.” “Yes” He replied and with that after around 10 weeks in West Africa I would see my 2nd and 3rd backpacker.

They were again Irish (so much for the economic crises there) who travelled a lot of the same West African places as me and it turns out we missed each other by a few days in a few places. There style of travel varied to mine so it was interesting to compare each other’s stories. They chose to do the nightlife spots of Africa and got themselves in some pretty sticky situations like that morning one had ran away from a local he slept with because she demanded money after agreeing that she wasn’t a prostitute.

He ended up falling into a pile of shit during his escape as the pimps or brothers rode on their motorbikes through the back streets in the dark of night. He had to hide in the pile of rubbish and shit, around chest high until the coast was clear. He came back smelling and had to throw the clothes out. This could have been the way I travelled Africa but I chose not to.

I had a close call a couple of times but fate would have it, it didn’t happen. Instead I chose to switch off all my sexual urges and in the end sex didn’t matter to me. And Africa can do that to you.

It’s not because I am racist and didn’t want to touch a black person there was multiple reasons for me. Aids/HIV yes but there were others too. The main thing is that most of the time the girls in the bars turn out to be prostitutes well actually some aren’t they just turn into one for the white mans sake.

Also because you are white you stand out so not only the girls but the guys give you too much attention so I ended up not going out at night. I stopped drinking as well. I’d have a beer or two to taste each countries brew but that was it. That could have also been because after southern Africa the beers in Africa weren’t that good. Always after 2 beers I’d stop, the first was good than the second was “that’s enough.”

The other thing was that it’s too easy. Basically like picking up a girl in Thailand. I assume you don’t need to even say hello sometimes there, a misguided stare and that’s enough. Obviously that’s not everyone but it happened too much. I suppose the other thing too was that I don’t travel to have sex with anyone and everyone.

Solo travelling also helped me not bother. It’s a lot easier to keep your wits about you when you are your own protection. So when two Irish guys are in the same place as you, you are naturally going to have a drink. It was their last day before Nigeria and after hearing my plight “I haven’t been out anywhere since my first day in Morocco. 90 days earlier.” They felt it was their duty to get me out in the West African nightspots.

But this would be no ordinary night out, these guys were travelling throughout West Africa as Mexican pirates at night. Easily one of the most random things I’ve heard, seen and eventually participated in. Like good Irish people they don’t like others to miss out and I was kitted up with their reserve kit.

So here we are 3 guys wearing colourful Mexican sombreros, plastic swords around the waist and a plastic hook zooming along Avenue John Paul II, past the French Consulate dressed as Mexican Pirates.

We arrive in the nightclub and as we enter we are halted by the security guard. He informs us that we can’t come in unless we put the weapons in the cloak-room. The hats were fine but the plastic weapons were too dangerous.

Later on in the nightclub one of the Irish guys was talking to a Liberian girl. He had a lot of experience with these girls and said to her, “Look I will not do anything with you unless you can prove you don’t have a knife on you.” She says, “Knife oh yeah.” And walks away. He tells me, “From my experience all Liberian women carry knives.” She comes back and what comes with her in the right hand… A switch knife about a hands length blade. So let me get this straight it’s not safe to have plastic weapons but okay to carry a switch knife.

Generally with these places (which are normal clubs or bars) the girls will leave the white guys alone for a while and over time once you settle in they’ll come over, talk, whisper in your ear that they want to have sex with you and when you refuse they try and grind you with their arse. It is so hard to find a woman that likes me for me you know!!!

There are multiple reasons why they are attracted to us. Because we are white, yes, because of the money, true. There is also a bit of prestige there for a while and because white men are more gentle than the black men, who (I was told) are rough with their ‘women of the night.’

So this girl is grinding as I try to fend her off, which you try and do gracefully to not draw attention. And they are almost like a dead weight, she puts her arms around me (and this is not the first one) and connects with the massive zit that has built up on my back over the past sweat-fest month. “Does that turn you on love?” I should have said. But in all liklihood she would have said yes.

It is so unromantic and in the end it’s quite tiresome… For me. We leave eventually after our grand sombrero exit, collected our weapons and headed back and I still was not turned on by the African nightlife. I started to think ‘Gee man, it’s been a while.’

We all have chooses and mine was to switch off all the sexual urges with Africa. I used the sight of saggy boobs and women squatting to piss to help me get through it. Although it is an unfair summary on African women it’s just what I did to prevent doing something stupid towards the end. Their skin is really smooth and breasts are firm early on in their life and they have very pretty faces but then again… wait hang on… What’s my alternative here in Europe some drunk 20 year old who can’t talk properly and the only option is the top bunk of a 12 bed dorm…. Ahhhhh what have I done!!!

Still, what’s done is done and for now it is time to switch back on the sexual organ and where else does one go to start the makeover from African traveller to the European backpacker? Milan, Italy and we all know what that means? (Just read my profile on the homepage) Yes it’s finally happening! Almost 4 years since I came up with the concept, Thedribbleman finally travels from Milan to Minsk – A young backpackers strange and ‘hopeful’ erotic journey from Milan to Minsk – In search of Rochelle… JP5 continues!!!

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Comments

[littlewing]

Haha!
Loved it, sounds like the guy who ended up in the shit had big whahalla as my nigerian mates refer to nights like that. Glad your sense of humour is switched on still ;)

[The Travel Camel]

Throughly enjoyed your blogs through West Africa - which included reaching your milestone of 100 countries! Hope you are able to make an easy transition to travel within Europe.

[Dancing Dave]

JUST A SUGGESTION....
African women...just a suggestion...but if you found out their names...it may heighten the arousal...!