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Published: November 13th 2012
When I told my Lebanese barber back home I was hoping to swing by the "mother country" on our world trip, his response was lifted straight from Lebanon's patriotic script, infused with that Lebanese/Australian accent of the young that I don't quite get;
"MATE! Lebanon is fooly seek MATE".
His next line was a given. The Lebanese cliche of;
"Mate. You can ski in da mawning and go sweeming at da bich in da aftanoon mate".
With those adulations in mind and Istanbul in the plane's rear view mirror, we were Beirut bound.
We call it chaos. The Lebanese call Beirut home and it began at the airport.
Our flight coincided with a plane load of devotees returning from the Hajj and the terminal resembled a ticker tape parade for a victorious sporting team. In the midst wandered 2 punch drunk western tourists, the only ones within scamming distance.
I mentioned in our previous blog how Turkish carpet vendors had been forced to tone down their confrontational sales tactics. In fact what has actually happened is they've moved to Beirut and now work as taxi drivers. It was a feeding frenzy. Smelling blood and
taking a wide berth around their fellow countrymen who will only ever pay the going rate, they zeroed in on us 2 lonesome imports.
"Come sir! $45 dollar special price for you downtown", whilst grappling with our backpacks.
Winning that tug o' war we then approached the lone tourist information guy (employed under false pretences) who at least was able to inform us we should pay no more than $25.
Armed with that bargaining chip, it was back to the taxi driver;
"$25 according to tourist information".
"This man knows nothing (no arguments there). My children will starve for this amount".
Eventually we agreed to starve his children but first ensured the driver had sufficient change for a $50 bill in order to pre empt the next rabbit out of the scammer's hat.
"Yes, plenty change. No problem for you sir".
As for the drive, you all know this drill. Horns incessantly blaring (Beirut would be a far more pleasant place to live if you were deaf) and scant regard for road rules, speed limits and client safety. At one stage the driver caught the glint of fear in my eye as
Byblos
Dry docked boats with brooding skieswe weaved at 80 kph through a blatant red light.
"No problem sir. No red light camera here".
Like I really gave a toss if this guy was fined but the bus we swerved past doing the same speed through the green light did grab my attention.
Pulling up at our hotel, hand over the $50 and it was Mr Chofer's Last Chance Saloon.
"Ah yes, your change sir. Do you mind if I give it to you in Lebanese pounds as I don't have any dollars".
Checkmate. A few rapid fire calculations at around 1500 pounds to the dollar and we were only stung for about a buck.
WELCOME TO LEBANON
Excuse me, Earth to Beirut cabbies. The knock on effects of such money grubbing tactics are;
We walked EVERYWHERE. We would be tooted and approached by taxis 50 times in a few klms, no exaggeration.
"As if Asif".
These guys may wring the occasional extra unscrupulous pound or two but the compounding interest of people NOT using taxis to avoid these annoying forms of transaction has to be counter productive.
Beirut itself - "The Paris of the
Middle East". Whoa! Settle petal. That simile is a Lebanese cocktail of rose coloured glasses, furtive imaginations and blinkered optimism. Ever heard a Parisian call their city the Beirut of the north? There may be a reasonable proportion of the population who speak French but the similarity ends there.
Green space is a foreign concept, traffic is manic and blocks of buildings still bare the deep scars of the nation's recent turbulent history. Am I painting a pretty picture here?
Downtown in the centre is the oasis. Beautifully restored sandstone coloured buildings, a few imposing places of worship from either side of the religious divide, an embassy or two and Beirut's version of a souk. Traffic jams are non existent as the entire enclave is surrounded by turbo powered, if slightly half hearted, army forces. "Undesirables" are kept at bay to protect an area that is a throw forward to what Beirut aspires to if it ever breaks the cycle of self implosion.
Penny was amped to haunt the souk but try as we may with our map, we couldn't find it. Spotting an information booth:
"Excuse me young lady, could you tell us where we
might find the souk"?
"You're in it".
Steel and glass. Versace, Armani, Yves Saint Laurent, BVLGARI, Gucci and the rest. The who's who of upscale retail. A souk? Not in this man's definition. The clientele were also different - there weren't any. How on earth do shops survive without customers? No kidding, there was near enough to nobody on the purchasing side of counters. Fire off an AK 47 and the only people you might hit were bored sales staff.
If anybody actually reads my blog, I imagine you are now reconsidering any plans you may have had of coming here. Sorry.
Istanbul was a tough act to follow and on the positive side of the ledger, Beirut does boast a few silver nuggets as day trips. Lebanon is small enough that anywhere in the country is no more than a day trip.
Byblos is a mere 40 klms north and it's teeny weeny harbour surrounded by a clutch of street side social dens absolutely warrants a day.
Up and over the mountains and into the bowels of Hezbollah land lie the ancient Roman ruins of Baalbek. This was a surprise packet. Naturally the
Party pooping Lebanese
You can't even bring your hand gun into a cafe. terrain comes with the obligatory touts trying to eke a pound or two from the few tourists who make it this far. When I say a few, the head count the morning we went was 2, including us. If you enjoy your Roman ruins big, buxom and empty, then pencil Baalbek into your Middle East itinerary. It's also a town that hosts one of the more colourful mosques you are ever likely to encounter.
Mix in some finger lickin food, welcoming locals and there is some merit in passing through Lebanon but be prepared for some roughness around the edges. It's kind of a wannabe bourgeois Dubai that falls way short of the mark.
When my barber asks me on returning home;
"So mate. How was Lebanon? Was it fully sick like I said"?
I already have my smart arse retort locked and loaded;
"Mate. I"ll rate it moderately nauseous".
Yeatesy
You can always tell the standard of your hotel by the quality of its toilet paper. So when I grabbed the first piece from the roll and the paper disintegrated in my hand I had a fair idea that the
two star hotel probably got its stars well before the civil war.
Probably a few other giveaway signs were the shelves in the wardrobe that also had disintegrated including the ceiling of the wardrobe which then revealed the floor above us and the giant concrete cancer attacking it. Mmm. We are on the 9th floor, I wonder what's keeping this place up!
Well, that was easy to see. Our hotel and 90% of the buildings in Beirut are kept together with "no more gaps" or spack filler. If you had the Lebanese franchise for "no more gaps" you would be rich.
So I guess I can't complain about the hotel since I chose the place, mainly for its location. However, while it looks like it is half falling down, the entire city of Beirut is in the state of half falling down or half going up. There doesn't seem to be a single pavement, fence, sidewalk that hasn't either been stopped halfway through its construction, or on completion they discover they forgot to dig the channel for power, so a huge chunk is cut out, a light inserted (and probably broken) and then a slab of uneven
cement laid on top. As a consequence when it rains in this city, the rain runs everywhere except the drains. Am I painting a pretty picture!!
Well unfortunately Beirut is not an attractive city. The sea side is nice ish but the main attraction is the blue domed mosque in the city centre surrounded by the now remodelled (and quite stylishly) city centre with it's souk (mall) and a few cafes. Unfortunately when we were there it was more like a ghost town.
Rather than just see Beirut we ventured out of the city confines to see Baalbek inland and Byblos just north. Baalbek is surprisingly spectacular. It is large and in your face and well worth a visit. Ahhh but unfortunately to get there you have to either:
(1) hire a car. Not a chance, the Lebanese are worse drivers than the Egyptians and that's saying something. Or;
(2) go by mini bus, their only public form of transport. The mini bus is a cheap means of transport however with that comes the added pleasure of sitting the 2 hour journey with the driver and his offsider smoking the whole way. If that's not bad
enough they also want to either get into an argument with you over the price of the fare or where they want to drop you off. We've had our pleasurable moments in this city but I will not be in a hurry to return.
Penny
More images at:
www.colvinyeates.zenfolio.com
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Penny
non-member comment
Fooly Sick
Wow, disappointing report from Beirut. I was wandering if you got anywhere near the coast line and if there was anything redeeming about it. See you soon