And I'm Still Me


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July 18th 2006
Published: July 18th 2006
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"I think this dog needs love more than I don't need fleas."
Lyon, holding a neglected puppy in Nicaragua after being warned that it had fleas

"The question is not 'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' but 'If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.

That's the seed that Naropa has planted in me. I've given it room to grow, and discovered that this concept is much larger and entails far more 'questions' than just that one. For example, "If I stop to help this man, and it kills me, how many people does that prevent me from helping in the future?" and on the other hand "If one day serving others begins to feel useless and meaningless, is there a good reason to continue to do it anyways?"

I don't know.

I've been having more fun lately. But I'm still leaving Huancayo this week. I would hate myself later if I didn't see the selva while in Peru. I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to help people on my own. That's one good thing I've gleaned from this experience (I love how every time I do community service I learn a profound life lesson). I can now see more clearly what I'm capable of doing on my own, when working with other people is beneficial, and when working with other people is limiting. And like all the other times, I also have a clearer picture of my purpose in life, even though this time it's more about what I'm *not* supposed to do than what I *am* supposed to do.

Other Random Things"

(1) You know how I hate being told what to do? I've experienced a lot of that lately and it's pissing me off. Wow. You know what really sucks? Being told how to dance. I hate that. I don't dance like a Peruvian, but I like the way I dance. Actually, I hate dancing like Peruvian women (according to my male Peruvian friends here) are supposed to dance: like limp dolls. Hate it. It bores me, it doesn't feel good, and I suck at it. Whatever. Last night, I just started to give the finger to my friend when he told me what to do. That felt good.

(2) Also last night, when I was about to head out the door with my friends, my host mom waved me over (by the way, in Peru, a come-here wave in like a go-away wave in the US) and told me that I wasn't going anywhere but instead I was going to rest, because two nights in a row is too much. UMMM yeah. I said I felt fine. She said "no" again. Then I said, "I mean no disrespect, but I'm going. Sorry." And I left. At first I felt bad, as I probably should, but I'm not paying to be babysat.

Alrite, well, on that subject, I have to go. They're expecting me to come straight home after work in Chupaca, and I'm already an hour late.




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SandalySandaly
Sandaly

looking at a photo of my friends from sangha house in the US


26th July 2006

I really like both of the quotes you posted. It's ok not to know. I find myself saying I don't know all over the place these days. It's almost a relief to identify that which we don't know, because that means there's still so much more to learn in life. Glad to hear you're having such a good time in the selva =) I told dad you're safe and happy there. Giving the finger to someone when you're really angry can feel really good. I did it once to a particular asshole (*cough x-bf*), and it was beautiful. I almost laughed afterwards. Haha I love how you had an overprotective host family. You're right, you shouldn't pay to be disciplined. People go to college to escape discipline and to become an adult, not to become a child again. I LOVE all of the pictures you posted- especially of Parque del Identidad and Ma Fe and the sheep. Very cute. All I've been doing for the past few days is whining about how I want goo gah (you) to come home. Obviously, I still miss you. Hope you're getting as much as you can out of each day you spend in Huancayo.
28th July 2006

We Miss YOU!!!!!
Hi Katie, 7 days and counting....please give me a call when you get a chance. Love, Dad

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