I'm Past Melting, I'm Burnt. :-(

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Well, this is my own doing, I suppose.


So last night I signed up for a bicycle tour of Bangkok through an agency. Don't know what possessed me to do such a thing, mistake #1. Vorapat reminded me that there's no AC on a bicycle, hardeeharhar.

The tour begins at 10ish and ends at 15.30ish, 1500 baht including snacks, drinks, and a lunch. 10am-3pm, practically the hottest times of the day, but what else was I supposed to do? Go back to the mall? (mmm. yes?)

I woke up this morning on time, I thought, but I was actually running late. After my breakfast, I asked Vorapat's dad to call a cab for me to drive me to the skytrain stop (from where I had step by step directions of how to get to the first meeting point).

But because I was running late, I had trouble getting all of my stuff together. Mistake #2, also from yesterday, was that I didn't clean out my backpack before going to bed and this morning I had to make do without it.

Without the backpack, I decided to not bring the sunscreen and to just apply it beforehand (mistake #3).

And then not knowing where we were going or if the bike had a basket, I decided to forgo the straw hat just in case we'd be going at highspeeds and then my hat would blow off (mistake #4).

Then, mistake #5, I decided to wear a black top instead of a light colored top. The black one is thicker and I imagined it would protect me more if I fell off the bike.

Finally, mistake #6, I forgot to bring my long sleeved shirt (the one I use to cover up from the sun) as I was running late for the cab.


* * *

I found the meeting point ok. We had a short introduction and then everyone picked out his/her bike, and we set out to see "the real Bangkok" (I think that's what the website promised).


Rant #1:
OK. There's a difference, IMHO, between showing us "the real Bangkok" vs showing us something that we would not normally see as visitors, but that which isn't necessarily something a native Bangkokian (??) would see either.

Does that make any sense?? I feel like the tour operators know that they're catering to a western/1st world clientel and that for us to see the exotic, unusual, and the off the beaten path will make us feel/think that we are seeing "the real Bangkok" (or insert whatever town).
So our first stop was a glove factory. That was cool to see but is a glove factory really representative of Bangkok or Thailand? It's just something to show us to make us feel like we're insiders and that we know about this little alleyway which has a glove factory...


Our second stop was through a dirty and grimmy street market, loose chickens and kids running around included. We didn't actually stop at any of the stalls, we just rode through and paused intermittently as real Thais had to wheel by with their wares.


Rant #2:
I'm not sure why westerners are so attracted to street markets. As if that's where ALL the REAL Thais buy their food, and that the food inside of Tesco and Carrefour (Thai supermarkets) is not what REAL Thais eat.

I think the analogy can be made like this:

Costco:farmer's market::Tesco: street market
A street market shouldn't automatically get more credibility over a 4-walled store.
And besides, it's a friggin street market, you see one you've seen them all! They're dirty, smelly (of rotting things and of food cooking), full of cheap produce, full of people yelling... Just because there are a lot of Thai's doesn't necessarily make it "the real Bangkok". Tesco's real, too.

But, this is just a general rant, not so much a rant against the tour today. I'm also big on street markets (in Taiwan anyway) so I can see why the tour operators like to throw this in as a filler. It's like walnut prawns, gotta have it.

After the street market, we stopped for some fruit and drink before heading to a Thai Buddhist temple. There was a dead monk's body on display in a glass case. The story goes that he died over 60 years ago and for some reason his body didn't rot, stink, or decompose like other dead bodies, so they decided to put him in a little "Meow" and now people pray in front of him.

After the temple, we peddled our way to the waterfront and caught a boat to the otherside.

By the way, we were doing all this riding on the street, mixed in with the scooters buses taxis and tuk tuks. And we didn't have helmets! Crazy.

And did I mention that it was hot?? My SPF 15 sunscreen had sweated off way earlier and I was without my hat, sunglasses, or long sleeve shirt. I kept thinking, why the hell did I sign up for this, and what's the way to quietly ditch the group and call a taxi home...

We kept riding. At some point we began riding along the klongs which are like elevated concrete pathways over mucky waters and such. I'd say that the klongs averaged 2-3 feet wide. Man, I had so much trouble!

First of all, the pathways weren't exactly flat and debris-less, and whenever there was a turn, it was most often a 90 degree turn. So imagine riding a cruiser type bike with no shocks and no gears and having a turning radius of 2-3 feet while avoiding dog shit and coconut tree leaves and missing pieces of concrete. I had to pretty much stop at every turn and use my feet to steer myself so I wouldn't fall off. 😞 No fun.

We wandered around in there for probably an hour.... It was novel for the first 15 minutes but the more we rode, the more I felt like the guides were purposely taking the long way so we tourists could have the full experience. We made so many lefts and rights and the sun kept changing position (though always burning me), there must've been a more straightforward way, because I can't imagine the "REAL" Thais meandering like that.

I was already burnt at this point, farmer's tan included.

I took some photos but the usb port on this computer doesn't work and I can't download them.

But, pix shot by the guides can be found on their website
here.

We had lunch after a bit more riding at a restaurant that was situated on a deck on top of mucky waters. It didn't stink but it wasn't exactly Skate's by the Bay, either...

After lunch, more riding. Oh god when will this torture end!!

The afternoon ride took us to a lake (in a park?) where the guides gave us each a bag of fishmeal and said we could feed the catfishes in there. Is this "the real Bangkok"? Who knows, but we were the only people doing it! The real Bangkokians were sitting under the pagoda and having lunch. Look at those stupid white folks (I was the token Asian) riding their hoopdy bikes and feeding fish! is probably what they were thinking... I, too, fed the fish. :-p

Rant #3:
I believe my suspicion about the guides taking us the long way was confirmed. I was kinda falling behind at one point and one of the guides (the one who rides last to make sure no one gets lost) tells me to just take the paved road and wait for the rest of the group. Imagine a right triangle that looks something like this


·
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So I take the horizontal route and was supposed to wait at the lower rightside vertex. Meanwhile, everyone else went up the vertical axis, and then came down the hypotenuse. I wish I had a GPS unit with me, I could've mapped our maze and seen the loops. Definitely could've been a 2 hour tour.


After feeding the fish, more riding. AHH!!

This was really such a stupid idea. I'm no biker! Anyway, those were the loooongest 5.5 hours thus far in Thailand. We rode on the boat back across the waters and then through/with/in Bangkok traffic again to return to the office.

I was so glad to be done. I asked one of the guides to write on a piece of paper in Thai "aloe cream" and then rode the skytrain back to On Nut's Carrefour.


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I'm going to take it easy from now on. I have tenative plans to go to a Thai cooking class on Sunday, but tomorrow I'm probably going to return to the mall (Yeppie!) and then go swimming.

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Comments

[Krista]

Thai cooking course
We were in Thailand through Jan and February. I don't know if you are planning to go to Chaing Mai or not, but if you do, I would HIGHLY recommend the Pad Thai Cooking School. It was an absolute BLAST. Not to mention I came home with some great cooking skills :)

[Sally]

Ah yes, i'm familiar with the thai aloe cream
i got hecka bit by mosquitos and badly burnt too. there's this one nice smelling cream that you can get at the local pharmacies there. oh, by the way, you can get ANYTHING at the pharmacies. stuff that's totally banned here in the States. you don't even need a prescription. Go wild, dude. just for kicks, you should take a motorcycle cab. i used to ride on the back of one of them to get to class each morning (yeah, no helmet included). you just hang on for dear life. it's really fun though, but yeah, dangerous i suppose. be sure to try some green papaya salad. there's usually a food court in the mall where you can cash in your baht for some "tickets" and wander around the different food places and plunk down your tickets for a bowl of broth or some papaya salad. that's way fun. I love thailand! i wish i were there! oh yeah, and my friend root took me to this one park where we grabbed a half loaf of bread and we were feeding the huge fish in the pond. it was fun! everyone was doing it! oh, and don't diss the king. he's really revered. also, don't touch the heads of people. a person's head is considered "sacred" for the lack of a better word. also, the feet is considered dirty, so don't point them at anyone or angle them in a disrespectful direction towards someone.

[Wendy]

You don't even know how to turn!
on bikes that is. Last time I remember you on a bike. You had to get off to turn. What possesed you to go on a bike tour??