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Honda What?
Near Palac Kultury, WarsawYou're right. This blog has nothing to do with any of those things, as cool as they are.
Aleks has decided that she is sick of writing the blogs about the times that nothing big and exciting is happening. We’ve reached a compromise (which essentially means I’ve acquiesced) and I’ll write the interlude blogs so Aleks can have a shot at the big time... things like Mazury and Croatia and all that really uninteresting piffle. It’s a big call for such a new-blood blog writer, but I reckon she’ll do a great job 😉
Since arriving home from Krakow the this-and-that of everyday has been a fairly relaxed affair. But a laid-back existence in a foreign country can still be flat out. We spent a couple of days just settling back in from our southern escapades, the first day of which saw us going to a festival called Wianki with Piotrek.
For those of you who don’t know, Wianki and it’s equivalents are a big deal in Europe; it’s the annual celebration of summer solstice - the longest day in the year. We took a bus into town and wandered down to the banks of the Wisła River,
Nowy Swiat Sunset
Nowy Swiat, Warsaw where we encountered a whole lot of Polish people having a really great time at a big concert and girls laying flower wreaths in the Visla river. We didn’t want to stay for the concert, as there were mostly Polish acts who I didn’t know (GO the Polish Hip Hop!!!), but the vibe of the whole gig was pretty positive and men women and children alike were smiling and happy. We checked it out for a while and then made our way back up to a little pub to snarf a couple of sneaky Zywiec’s. After we were nice and beered up, we took some photos and movies of the fireworks and started wandering, quickly mind you, up to Warsaw Centrum to get our late bus home.
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of impending doom when you realise that everyone walking up the street is heading to the exact same place as you. Not only that, by the time we reached the mayhem that was the bus station, we realised the buses only go every hour, so it was either wait to get ours or instead get one sooner that dropped us off somewhere in the vicinity of
home. We opted for the latter, and stuffed ourselves onto a bus that was literally bursting at the seams. I’m not kidding, we physically could NOT fit any more people on. I’ve never seen anything like it. Fortunately, unlike Sydney, the people here think this sort of thing is pretty funny and soon the busload of jam-packed Polaks and yours truly were having a right guffaw at the sheer agony of the situation. People at forthcoming stops really thought they were going to make it on. It wasn’t to be. We got home at around half past one and went straight to bed, still smiling.
Monday 22nd June consisted of us running around all day and that night going to a place called Podwale Piwna Kompania, a restaurant/brewery where I drank so much beer I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack - I physically couldn't breathe for about half an hour, I had to keep stopping to catch my breath! But how can you go past 1L beers for $AU3.20!!
Tuesday saw Dorota (Jacek’s daughter/Aleks’ cousin) and Zbyszek (her Husband) with their daughter Olenka arrive really late at night after a long drive, due
Nemo vs. Sunset
Nowy Swiat, Warsaw to bad weather conditions and crap roads (tsk tsk, Poland), and I didn’t see them until next morning.
The next day was pretty relaxed once again until things went horribly wrong in the evening; it was decided by Jacek and Zbyszek that Nemo was going to be fed vodka again. Considering how bad the ramifications were of last time’s vodka drinking efforts, I wholeheartedly declined and said I would have one, just to celebrate our new arrivals. Naturally this ended in me getting drunk, as I was told I HAD to drink one shot every five minutes, and that I wasn’t a man if I didn’t. They just wouldn’t let up, so I was cornered, and was fed champagne on top of that. Seeing as I had only two pieces of pizza for dinner, I didn’t think I was in too bad a shape, and after a walk up the road to buy some cigarettes and clear my head, I drank a heap of water and went to bed around midnight.
The next morning I woke up, feeling fine, at around 6:30am. This made me happy and I went back to sleep. I then woke up at 8:30
feeling like a busted sausage. As I had an appointment at 10:30am to hand in my supporting paperwork for my UK Work Visa, and the pain was increasing: this made me sad. The bus trip to town went well until everything started spinning just before the bridge crossing the Wisła, and I suddenly realised I HAD to get off the bus or things were going to go pear-shaped very quickly. I tried to get through the people to the doors but I just couldn’t - Polish people will NOT move if they don’t want to. I missed the drzwi (door) button, the bus pulled from the kerb and the next stop was miles away over the other side of the river.
Panic started to set in. Aleks was doing the only thing she knew to do, telling me to take deep breaths; a pointless exercise as the breaths I was taking to control the nausea were so fast I started to hyperventilate for the first time in my life. Then suddenly, BOOM - full on, explosive dry reach, and people got the point and moved out of my way fast. If there was one more reach it wasn’t going
View From Pub
Old Town, Warsaw to be dry. I fought and fought and finally made it off the bus and into a park, my hands and feet completely numb and with the overpowering sense of collapse. After twenty minutes or so of complete meltdown and working hard to slow my breathing, it abated - THANK GOD.
Crisis averted. Now to get to the Embassy.
After I reached the wrong embassy on time, I was told it was at the OTHER UK Embassy. What a comedy - we took a taxi, I felt really crap still, and arrived 20 minutes late. Luckily the doorwoman took one look at me and sent me straight up stairs where I walked straight into an interview somehow. I explained the situation saying I thought it was a virus, and she was as understanding as a Polish bureaucrat can be. The interview went without a hitch: I had my biometrics taken (fingerprints, photo) and handed in all my paperwork, including passport. No leaving the country for me in the next two weeks.
And that, good friends, was my morning in hell. Never again with the vodka. EVER! Even under pain of death or being called every name under
What A Couple
Old Town, Warsaw the sun will I drink it. I flat out refuse permanently, just so all of you know.
That afternoon we went to Dominika’s. This is Aleks’ wonderful cousin from the Renes side of the family who is a makeup artist for Film and TV here in Poland, and boy is she talented. We were picked up off the tram near her house by her and her equally talented photographer friend Daniel, an Polish/Sydney lad who has just been accepted to one of Europe’s top photography schools here in Warsaw. We were whisked away to Dominika’s, bought some food for breakfast the next day, got ourselves sorted out, and then mosied on over to her parents house - the home of the famous Andrzej Renes, renowned sculptor, painter, and all round champion, and his lovely wife Małgosia.
What a house!! It’s a typical artist’s mess, and random stuff takes up about half of the available space in the yard, house and back shed/workshop. But by God the works are good, even the discarded ones are better than anything I could ever dream of conceiving. Here is a true artist like I have never seen before, and it was inspirational
for me to see. We had already seen his sculptures all around Poland, but to see the place where they were created is a true privilege. We had afternoon tea and dinner, and Dominika showed me photos of her work on the Macbook, whilst the others discussed life in general and caught up. We had a tour of the works and the back workshop where the magic happens. Amazing stuff! We will hopefully be going back soon.
Daniel came back around later that night for a beer but I was still feeling a little like a bug squashed on a windscreen and went to bed. Apparently sometime in the proceedings it was decided that I was going to be used for a photoshoot on Sunday arvo that contained bodypaint and partial nudity. I agreed - what else should you do to keep yourself entertained in Poland? Not bloody drinking, thats for sure.
The next day (Friday 26th June) was another quiet one; we ran around with Dominika buying paints and things for photo shoots, and went to a beautiful little bar (very similar to those found in Krakow - very French bohemian style) called Sense Nonsense. We had
The Bathroom At Podwale
Podwale Piwna Kompania, Warsaw some barszcz with dumplings and some lovely honey beer, which I drank very gingerly, followed by some toasted kanapki. After that it was back to Jacek’s place to some very meek apologies and an early night, haha! Saturday was spent writing the last of the blogs from Zako, Krako and Bako for me, which as you can tell from my horribly verbose writing style is always a long and tiring process.
Sunday morning was a 10am start, which I was quite happy about being the lazy person that I am (don’t you agree, Papa Wetzlich?), but we decided it was up and off to Wilanow Castle to see the interior for free, as we had been waiting to do for so long. Jacek, Ula, Piotrek and the two of us made it there at 12pm to find we had to wait until the 1pm session as it was fairly busy, so we occupied ourselves looking at stalls and eating ice cream in the heat until our time came.
To be honest, I found Wilanow pretty uninspiring. That’s not to say I didn’t like it, but it struck me as one giant Art Gallery rather than a true castle;
1L Beers! Yay!
Podwale Piwna Kompania, Warsaw and with my previous experience of Wawel and the Royal Castle in Warsaw, I had been a little spoilt in terms of castley things by that point. I can appreciate that it is not now what it may have been once due to wars and the like, but it was just the overall style and shape of the interiors that didn’t appeal to me - gaudy rather than grand; an imitation rather than the real thing. But it was great to finally see it anyway, and we rushed home so that we could get back to the shoot in the City in time.
The shoot was just how I imagined a photo shoot to be - fast paced, great fun, and hard work all at the same time. It was Daniel’s concept to do a series called “Minimalist” for an Dominika’s portfolios: torso nudes covered in bodypaint of primary colours against respective backgrounds. Daniel is an amazing photographer and I have seen lots of his work: he has the talent of being able to see the final product far in advance of the initial stages, and this conceptualising is a true asset in the art world. Adding this to
The Spread
Podwale Piwna Kompania, Warsaw Miss Dominika’s ability to make something beautiful out of any human being, it was a winning combination. They are great at working together, and mesh beautifully in the studio.
The guy before me was “black” and had a body identical to Brad Pitt’s in Fight Club, so it was a hard act to follow as the “blue” guy, but soon my back and arms was lathered up in a mix of blue body paint and Vaseline and I was posing in front of the camera. The hardest part of the whole shoot was getting the bloody paint off. Vaseline is a mongrel to remove from skin let alone hair, and it took a ruined loofah, half a bottle of shower gel, and a packet of alcohol wipes to get it to a level where I could get dressed again. On the whole, it was a great laugh, and the final product was just fantastic.
Another night at Jacek’s was followed by a morning of general ado about nothing, and that afternoon we made out way back to the city studio. It was 30 degrees but the sun felt like it was on the bus with me... there was
Cioca, Wujek, Ola, Mikusz
Ciocia & Wujek's House, Warsaw definitely a storm brewing! We arrived at the studio to meet Daniel and Dominika who told us the model they were shooting (for the female nudes) was an hour late, and so we relegated ourselves to the pub down the road for a couple of hours to have a chinwag and a cheeky beer.
The storm of the century hit after we returned to the studio, with much lighting, thunder and shedloads of rain - so much that the bottom stairwell out of the studios was flooding to four inches deep. It was about that time that we decided to get our arses gone from the studio, and of course this was just as lightning hit the building across the street and hailstones started rocketing down. I threw Aleks on my back (it was like a war movie, we just needed slow-mo) and we made it to the car, but not before getting abso-bloody-lutely SOAKED. We made it to the Mall and bought some groceries with which we made a chicken and fetta salad at Daniel’s before retiring home to Dominika’s and cracking a nice bottle of red wine, which I might add was the first really nice one
.. And with Dominika
Ciocia & Wujek's House, Warsaw that we have had since we started this godforsaken wineless holiday! (EDIT: Am now sipping a lovely Chianti, minus fava beans... Hannibal Lecter would be proud)
And that brings us to today, which has consisted of another photo shoot at Dominika’s for the series, “High Fashion Suicides”. I basically sat in the background and wrote this blog, while Aleks continued to be an amazing little assistant, getting involved with things such as moving lighting and painting the model’s nails etc. Great fun, and now I’m looking forward to having another nice glass of wine and watching Dominika and Aleks do makeup on each other.
And once again you’re up to speed. Next blog will be sooner, covering the David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists of “What I do and don’t like about this crazy country I’m living in.” Expect it to be in my usual cynical style. I’m also not sure how I’m supposed to keep these damn blogs under a billion words. I’ve just edited 600 out of this one, and I’ll try hard not to let Aleks leave them so long next time... That should help.
Until then, stay safe, keep your pants on, and
don’t talk to men in bear suits.
-- Fishy
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Papa Wetzlich
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Sunday 10am
10 am start on Sunday. What that has to do with me ? Did I call you lazy ? I do understand, that you only like to take pictures of sunsets whenever you go, but not even one of sunrise, but... what's wrong with that ?