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Published: February 11th 2006
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I decided before getting to Thailand that I'd had enough of city life and would head straight for the islands, and in particular, the remote island of Kho Tao, famous for its idyllic beaches and scuba diving. To this end, I booked a flight down to Surat Thani on the eastern coast, with a view to catching the fast boat to Ko Samui, staying there for a couple of nights, and then on to Kho Tao. This necessitated a night at one of Bankok's finest airport hotels, the Asia Airport Hotel, a monolithic building situated in a shopping centre / business park. Three memorable things happened here:
1. I saw a work elephant being led home along a dual carriageway with a flashing red bicycle light attached to its tail.
2. I got chatting to a rather drunk older couple from Merseyside who were going to be doing an 'all nighter' at the hotel bar before their flight home the next day. As well as giving me superfluous detail on their gastric tribulations, the man spent somewhat too long trying to convince me / himself / his wife that 9 carat gold is hugely underrated compared to its brash 24
Sampling the local drink
Thai Vodka Redbull (served in a bucket). carat sibling, while brandishing a neck chain that would not have looked out of place in an upmarket supermarket Christmas cracker.
3. I was propositioned by the male bellhop. Look, I don't know if there is some sort of sexual Fatwa on my head from the Internation Gay Bellhop Association, but let me state unequivically and without any obfuscation: I am not good with colours. Luckily, this chap was rather less threatening than his tattooed Delhi equivalent. More like the camp guy from 'Are You Being Served' than the scary guy from 'Silence of the Lambs'. I dispatched him with a course double-entendre regarding Mrs Slocombe's pussy (much to his bafflement), and settled down to a lager and BBC News 24.
Anyway, the trip to Ko Samui was all very straightforward, and I enjoyed a couple of nights on the quiet north coast. Lovely beaches, but little chance to meet many fellow travellers. This was a family resort, and the only other fellow traveller was an enormous Western Buddhist that looked like very hard work indeed. There were very few of the repugnant sex tourists that my brother had noticed on a previous trip to Thailand, thankfully (although I
Nice island
One of many. was avoiding the most boisterous of the western areas).
Kho Tao was different altogether. If there is a place on earth that is closer to one's imaginings of a perfect beach resort, I have yet to come across it. Just 15 sq km, Kho Tao is geared up for two things: relaxing and scuba diving. Those of you who I've already bored with this story will know that in December I went to Egypt and part-completed my Open Water Scuba Diving qualification. In Kho Tao, I finished this, took my Advanced Certificate, and then did a few more dives for fun. I dived deep, at night, navigated underwater, and came across all manor of underwater creatures such as rays (alien-like), puffer fish (can only puff 3 times before they pop their clogs), trigger fish (bad tempered), eels (ugly), angel fish (pretty), clown fish (sinister in the way that most clown-like things are) and many more. I even found a discarded snorkle underwater which I brought back to the boat cackling like a pirate who'd discovered priceless booty. I dived almost every day, and will look to do so elsewhere on my travels. Huge fun, very relaxing, and creates that
Some amusing English lads
These guys introduced me to the bucket... childlike sense of adventure that one rarely experiences after the age of 25. Now I'm not hugely into extreme sports or anything like that but it seems that the older one gets, the more fearful one gets of trying new things. Similarly, actual phobias seem to get more acute with age, whether they are related to water, flying, or whatever. Diving's not particularly dangerous, but I'm getting a real sense of achievement everytime I feel my ability increasing, or do something that would've given me the shits a few months ago (eg swimming through an tunnel deep underwater in near dark).
In terms of nightlife on Kho Tao, the options were broader than I expected. Some nice English lads on the dive course introduced me to the joys of buckets of Vodka and Red Bull. This tended to have a rather lobotomising effect, and I can hardly remember the stumble home after that particular evening. My first drunken evening of the trip so far, and I woke up believing I had a particularly acute form of morning sickness.
The accomodation, albeit subsidised by the diving, was idyllic. A clean hut on a beach with on-suite cold shower and
loo for the princely sum of 5 quid a night. Check out the view I awoke to every morning! I wouldn't have wanted anything more luxurious - this was an occasion where basic lodgings perfectly matched the mood of this leg of the trip.
Difficult as it was to leave, I could pospone it no longer, and eventually set off on a marathon 36 hour journey to Sydney. I couldn't have planned it worse, had I planned it. The 8 hour 'ferry' from Kho Tao to Surat Thani was the first really unpleasant part of the trip. In previous conversations with a Brit on the island, I had heard tales of ferries with immaculate bunks, bars etc. I imagined one of those uber-ferries that one sees crossing the English Channel, complete with disco, dumpling buffet, and an enormous duty free shop full of panicking smokers stumbling around with armfulls of B&H. I couldn't have been further from the mark. This 'ferry' was simply a galley 40m long, with a deck below for a handful of vehicles. Made entirely of wood and stinking of diesel, the 'cabin' was simply an open room, the floor of which was lined with mats
Central Mae Hat
Aaaahhhh. Rush hour. on which we could stretch out cheek by jowel (or rather cheek by cheek). The girl next to me pointed out an especially fat cockroach rushing past our heads. This wouldn't have entirely precluded sleep had it not been for an interfering American who told us a startling story about waking up with 6 roaches on her face. Me and my neighbour emptied our insect repellant in a circle around our mats in the hope that the roaches would satisfy their demonic curiosity elsewhere. Oh, and the ferry rocked dramatically the whole way, and I was scammed by the taxi driver at the other end, and the airport in Surat Thani was shut so I had to wait outside, and the queues for immigration in Sydney airport were huge. The only saving grace was that some asshole Brit in Surat Thani tried to throw his weight around with the locals to try to speed things up, and was told (after some discussion amongst the offended Thais) that his tour company didn't exist and he would have to return on the same ferry to Kho Tao. He he he.
Australia has a lot to live up to...
PS To
Sunset from a dive boat
Preparing for a night dive. those of you who I've tantalised with tell of underwater pictures: all the cameras were broken. Will try again on the Great Barrier Reef.
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Alex Davies
non-member comment
you go girl
Ian - your mojo seems to have returned (albeit with the wrong sex). perhaps it's because "Ian's got back" as the rappers say.