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Published: February 4th 2009
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a perfect photo for my topic
This is (to me) quite curious and makes me wonder, stop and stare, yet it's just a meal option for most people here who see the same display. I was reading another blogger's essay this morning--someone I came across while browsing through an online mag--and the author made a lot of small, negative digs about life in China. I could say all those same things and I didn't disagree with her at all. The crazy taxis, the pollution. The seemingly insane grass police. All true. I just try not to focus on those things too much because I can't do anything about them. I would much rather seek out new and interesting things to do and experience while we are here. I think our time here is precious, because it is limited, and if I whine and complain that will only bring me down. Trust me--I'm a recovering whiner and a complainer. I can do it better than most people. Just trying so hard not to.
To continue with the self-praise, I really think I'm changing. For example, I normally would see fighting my way off the train with a bunch of aggressive people as a huge annoyance. I would complain about it, tell everyone who would listen, think about it and just in general let it get to me. However, now, I might still feel a slight bit annoyed, still might relay it as a story to a friend or stranger but I also find myself laughing about it and letting it go. It's part of the adventure. China is way different. People have different customs, different beliefs about what's appropriate and that is part of the learning process. I'm not going to start spitting or doing most of the things I find a bit odd here, but I'm trying oh so hard not to judge the differences. Mark is great at this. He's my benchmark for acceptance. I am doing well--but he's the king of accepting China and all things Chinese.
I have a new technique. There are a lot of people here who really stare at me with somber, often stern looks on their faces. I have a new way of dealing with this. When I notice someone staring at me in this way, I look them in the eye and I smile. Most of the time, I get these huge smiles back. Sometimes, they just keep staring at me, and I realize they are just looking at my oddness and taking it all in. I get it. I'm doing that almost at all times when I'm walking in a street with vendors, or people watching in the park. I'm fascinated by people here, so of course they are fascinated by me. Plus I have this crazy curly hair, gorgeous kids when they are with me, all sorts of reasons to draw the attention of the local people. The point is I'm not freaked by it anymore. I expect it and try to make a positive interaction out of as many of these encounters as I can.
There are tons of examples I could give to illustrate this further: the fact that I'm told no almost every time I go to a store to find something I want or need. I don't care. I go to the next store (and often the next) and then I celebrate when I find that thing I needed. I am so excited when I can chat with the fruit stand guy and understand his questions about my living next door. But when the repairman and I are debating the state of the water heater, I don't back down until I find a way to show him it really, truly is broken. Just stuff like that. I have to imagine my blood pressure is way low. I am not getting upset like I used to about these small things. Hey--I should write a book about not sweating the small stuff..oh wait. Been done.
I think it's important to put this in writing now--while it's on my mind, so I can remember this point in the journey. I have had some big challenges, and there are more coming to be sure, but I'm dealing with it and learning from all of this which is good. Birthday's coming up. Lots of life goals still to be tackled, but things are good.
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Robert
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Ni xiguan le
Sounds like you've reached the China level. Cheers! Btw, I find that most people continue to stare at me when I notice it. It's almost as if they've felt that I've detected them staring at me and that I'm aware of it, and as long as they can feel I am aware of it, they will continue to stare at me--if that makes any sense. But if I just focus on what I'm doing, whether it be putting on my coat or simply paying attention to what's in front of me as I'm walking, they tend to stop staring. It's weird, but it's what I've learned.