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Published: February 6th 2006
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Gorgeous
Big River So as you know we sailed down the yanzee river( 3rd biggest in the world), we wanted to go down to see the three gorges and the massive dam they're buliding. which, when finished, will raise the water level 175meters, engulfing the gorges, covering towns and cities and displacing over half a million people. (see, you learn stuff too).
Me and seamy wanted to go in style, we decide to book 1st class for a few pound extra and let the common muck like niall and hood and raff languish in second class. we couldn't wait for a few days of relaxation, crusing down the river, lazing about the pool, sipping cocktails and sunbathing.
Our bus took us to chongquing and we spend the day walking about very little as we were still very very sore from emai shan. (but the end of the boat trip, all the staff and most of the other passengers were laughing at the white man that walks like a monkey). The boat didn't leave to the evening, in the dark, which was a bit strange. although we figured it must be so that we hit all the sights during daylight. We waited at
the travel agents for a while and yer man was asking us did we want to go and see the dam? Damn right we did but we thought it was included in the price, it wasn't, but a load of other day trips to temples(woo hoo) were. so we paid up.
The bus took us down to the docks and we were shown our boat, a lovely lethal big thing, couldn't wait to get to 1st class, although, it wasn't our boat, we just had to walk through this one to get to ours. bastards. as we walked through each boat they got progressively worse till we stopped on what could best be described as a big dingy prob made from bits of scrap metal, like old ford cortina's.
There were only 10 non chinese on the boat, us 5, me and seamy in first class, which was exacly the same as everywhere else except there was only 2 of us in the room instead of 4 -2nd class, 6- 3rd class or 8-chinese class. the others were made up of smelly john, an irish canadian sharing the room with the other 3, a father and son israeli
couple, and 2 new zealanders, a brother and sister.
We went to the bar, and eventually, with a load of hand signals, got the barman to put the beer in the fridge and set about getting locked. Then the chinese arrived, and started kareoke. it was terrible, like a cat getting raped by a bear with a sore head while a pack of hyena's watched. usually there are only 12 notes, but i'm pretty sure some of these guys invented a few more. we stuck it out playing cards and drinking. smelly john came and joined us and eventually the new zealand girl. the new zealand guy hardly spoke to anyone the whole trip and i think it was because deep down he was battling with his sexuality, i think he was on a remote boat in china cos some guy had asked him for a "reach around" and he'd actually thought about it.
As the chinese guys got more drunk they got more brave, and started to wave and shout over at us, eventually one of them was brave enough to come over and give us half a chicken and wouldn't leave until we had all tried
a bit. as soon as we did, smelly john ripped into it with the ferocity of a veloceraptor. never before have i seen someone strip the bones dry so quickly. We eventually established smelly john was not just smelly but tight as well. he was on a super minimal budget, for breakfast he had noodles, lunch, noodles, dinner, noodles and a beer, and sometimes a bit of chicken the chinese guys offered us - the following night it was chickens feet, which we all had to try again. i had to pretend to eat mine and hide it under my seat - it was like eating a plastic bag covered in cooking oil. no bother to john though.
we decided to take a carryout down to the room for a bit of peace and quiet and listen to a bit of "in-key" music. we sat drinking till 3, the wake up call the next morning was for 5am, to get up and see the ghost city. no chance. That evening though we did get up and see some sort of temple but none of us could be bothered climbing it so we went back to the boat.
THe
next few days past in the same way, drinking and kareoke, temples and day trips. The little 3 gorges on the second day was actaully not too bad. then the third day - the highlight of the trip - the great dam. (the 3 gorges prob would have been the highlight but i think i slept through them all, i hear they were "just gorgeous" though) (get it? ha ha! Gorges!)
When we got the itinary we didn't arrive at the dam till 8 o clock. in the fucking dark. what can you see in the dark?? Anyway, the boat wasn't going anywhere near we didn't think so we may as well go and see what we can see. they took us too the dam and it is massive. the chinese propaganda posters called it the best in the world and it shows the power of the chinese people over the great force of nature it also explained how well planned it was and could withstand, chemical, nuclear and even lex luther or george bush attacks. lethal.
After the dam, we expected to go back cos we had to be up at 6 the next morning to get off the boat to get our bus to wuhan. But no, they then took us to an aquarium, showed us some fish. then we thought, "back to the boat"? No. a shitty horse show at 11 at night, Back to the boat? NO!? another fucking temple. when do we get back to the boat? we asked - "you wait here 2 hrs then boat come and pick you up"!!!! what the fuck. We had to wait, in a hut, in the cold, in the rain, till 2 in the morn to get on the boat to get 4hrs sleep. bastards.
The worst thing was, if we hadda stayed on, we'd have seen the dam for free, went down through the five massive locks, and got a good nights sleep instead of seeing a pile of shit and being tired and grumpy the next day.
All this made us fairly pissed off and set us up for what was to be the worst worst worst ever bus journey in the history of buses.
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nice beard
stevie that's an impressive stubble i'm sure the girls can't resist!!!.... i only hope you've shaved for the hotter climate's in sydney... scare away the punters! have to say don't envey your boatin or bussin much!!!! i'm sure my mornin sickness was as much fun!!!!! jokin of course.. jealous!!! have to do a bit of work here for a mo... and have more readin to do