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Published: March 25th 2006
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In china we discovered a new game, its called the bus lottery and and works like this. You pay some guy at a desk a load of money to get a bus from one city to the other and he shows you a load of photos of a brand new, up to date, top of the range with all mod cons bus that can do everything short of fly and assures you that its VIP. Then you go to the bus station and wait. and wait, and wait and pray that thats not your bus. but it usually is.
The morning we got the bus after the yanzee river we did shit at the bus lottery, you could say that between the 5 of us not one of our numbers turned up. This bus was shit, super shit, i'd rather have been on that bus with keanu reeves and sandra bullock (that had to stay above 50mph or it would blow up) and find out that we'd just run out of petrol and the engine was actually made of paper. We should have known it would be pants as we bought the tickets from the same fucker that sold us
Raff and a toilet!!
Its incredible what he has down his boxers the tickets to see the dam at night. Fucker.
The boat docked at 6am and the bus was to leave at 7.15 so everyone was off the boat by 6.30, except me and seamy who fell back to sleep in our 1st class room after the wake up call. we only got up when niall had to come and find us and were last to leave the boat.
We went out and some wee guy was holding a board with our names on (they're all wee in china) and showed us to the bus. we planted ourselves near the back cos we were the only ones there at the time and tried to get some sleep. a few more got on and sat near the front. then nothing, then nothing, then nothing. about 2hrs later at 9 the bus still hadn't moved so i decided to go take a piss, i got up, and left my bag and mp3 player and all on the back seat where i'd been lying down.
When i came back the bus had entered the twilight zone and been filled with dirty stinking chinese farmers. one of the fuckers actually went down
The time we had a beer
We had a beer this one time. it tasted nice. we shared it between us. to the back and sat on my mp3 - he obviously didn't know the international bus language of - if there's a bag there, dont fucking sit on it!! i gave him a dirty look (he'll not do that again) lifted my stuff and planted myself beside niall - he didn't smell much better than the farmers but at least it was a bit better.
Poor raff was stuck in the back corner surrounded by the fuckers even though one guy got on, took a look at the seat beside raff then decided it would be better to sit on his sack in the middle of the floor than beside some tall boy with a strange red colour of hair.
The journey lasted about 4 hrs and was interspersed with "The Stare" - one guy turned round in his seat to look at me for a good 2 minutes! and "The Spit" these guys had no problem getting a good hock, really loud so everyone knew about it, and letting it drop to the floor of the bus. i think it was a kind of game, the langer you could hock, and the longer your spit took to
Thats Not a Beard
Niall tries to grow a beard after 2 months get to the ground the more man points ya got.
By the end we were really really fucked off with china - chinese people, chinese culture, and chinese food so as soon as we landed in wuhan we booked tickets out that night and went straight to kfc. We fucked about for a few hrs went to the bus station to wait for our sleeper bus to guilin. We hadn't much hope for our bus so each shit heap that pulled up we went to get on - not this one the wee woman would say.
Finally our bus arrived, we had all 6 numbers and the bonus ball, it was our Yin to the mornings Yang (if thats the right way about, dunno which is good and bad). We had to take off our shoes to get on and put them in a we plastic bag - how classy is that!! The beds were big and well spaced and you could strap yourself in so you wouldn't fall out. Then the wee woman (the women are wee in china too) gave us all water and biscuits and did a wee air hostess "thanks for travelling with us,
Thats A Beard!!!!
My beard after 3 days your drivers are mr...... and mr...... etc" it was great, one of the best nights sleep we had and we arrived in guilin the next morning refreshed and our faith restored in china.
So there ya's go, still plenty more to come so don't worry. The main news at the minute is the beard. i've been growin it for 2 weeks now and already its good enough to challenge chuck norris.
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g mcnally
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looking good
leon you're looking a bit freaky and scary. is the panda the one in the blue t-shirt?