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Published: September 17th 2008
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I went on a date today, by accident. You may think that dating cannot be an accidental thing and I'm only just saying that as way of fobbing it off because it didn't go well but you have to believe me that it was entirely an innocent mistake.
I have nothing against dating Japanese men, it's just that if I was going to go out on a date I'd probably prefer it to be with a man who wasn't under the impression that I am a scuba diving, gun owning, goldfish enthusiast who is a former resident of Malaysia named Jessica.
I really never intended it all to get this far. When I started applying for private students I used the name Jessica so people couldn't track me on the internet and murder me in my sleep, then after I started the lessons the stories just seemed to keep coming in the way that lies do when you tell one and need to keep covering your tracks. Now in addition to my already complicated personal history I have Jessicas to deal with, which includes a man who left her broken hearted in Kuala Lumper which seemed the only response to Katsumi's quizzical look when I told him I didn't like to "talk about my time in Malaysia." The real reason of course, being that I've never actually been to Malaysia before except for a brief stopover en route to London, which doesn't really give me the same amount of local knowledge as I should have after "spending a year there" as my alter ego claims to have done.
Thus the reason for the accidental date.
When Katsumi asked me for one last lesson before my imminent departure back to Oz, I couldn't find it in my heart to say no but I couldn't also bear the thought of another 2 hours of polite chit chat and far fetched tales relating back to Jessicas involved history. So combined with my desire to visit the planetarium one last time, i suggested we meet there at 4:45pm to catch the 5:00pm show.
When I told the girls about this over late night okonomiyaki last night the result was a complete silence followed by a small smirk and an "Ahh, so you're going on a date?" from Sanae.
I rebuked her statement imediately advising her that as sweet as he is, a thirty year old braces wearer who once described himself as being "an ideal candidate for beauty and the geek" was not what I had in mind for the man of my dreams.
"Well" Sanae responded carefully after sharing a knowing look with Lucy across the table "You are in Japan, and he is a Japanese man" she took a thoughtful sip of her drink "No matter what your intentions were, you're going on a date."
It was with this statement in mind that I carefully seleced my outfit; a T shirt paired with a pair of cut off shorts that weren't really so much cut offs as a pair of hacked off pinstripe trousers with a small hole forming in the crotch and belt loops dangling down the sides. This ensemble I teamed with my oldest pair of chucks and a pair of mismatched socks. I took a look in the mirror and noted with satisfaction I strongly resembled my mother spending a saturday afternoon weeding the garden rather than a young lady tottering off to woo the man of her dreams. I marched off to Sunshine city with my head held high assured that Katsumi couldn't confuse my plutonic offer of friendship with any of the lustful delusions parading around my Japanese friends minds.
I was waiting impatiently at the planetarium when Katsumi sidled up to me with a smile and a quiet Hello.
"Oh Hi!" I exclaimed, flustered, noting the nice new button up shirt and the heady scent of mens aftershave. I started to babble to hide my discomfort and ended up telling him I was flying out a few days early because I have a job lined up at Sydney Aquarium and needed to get back to be fitted for my wetsuit. He opened his mouth to ask me about my new career and I steered him in the direction of the ticket booth kindly, but firmly in an attempt to stem the tide of flowing lies pouring forth about the life and times of Jessica Collins.
A show, latte and a fictional monologue about the mating habits of clownfish later we were at the station saying our goodbyes. As he leaned towards me the sun reflected off his braces and glinted silver against his eyes, I could see that he'd been preparing for this moment, quite possibly since the second we first met. I ducked his moistened lips and excused myself with an affectionate pat on the shoulder.
"I don't like goodbyes" I excused myself and then grabbing the handrail started to make my way down the stairs. I glanced back once to wave goodbye and saw my first and only private student staring at me with ardent devotion and awe. I turned around once more and ran to the bathroom where I changed my hairstyle, put on a skirt and then without further ceremony dumped my cut-off pinstripe trousers in the bin and bid Jessica Collins farewell.
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Jenn
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I haven't laughed so hard in a long time
Well you have no idea who I am so I hope you don't think I'm strange for posting this, but I'm going to anyway. I'm planning to move to Japan so I've been doing research reading blogs of people who've been there for extended stays to see what it's really like (ups, downs and all that). I read about your "date" with the Japanese man and was actually laughing out loud. While I'm absolutely embarrassed for you that you were in such an awkward situation it made for a really entertaining read. The poor guy, you can't help but feel sorry for him, but I'm incredibly impressed by your ability to dodge the kiss with such pizzaz! Thanks for the read (and the laugh!)