Turning Thai

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I've been in Thailand for three weeks and by now I'm moving through the crowds as though I were a local. My Thai is near perfect with a slight Phuket province accent and my skin's a beautiful Southern Siam brown. I order food from streetside vendors without any hesitation, can argue my way to 50% discounts on anything from boat rides to massages (usually these things only amount to a few dollars Australian, but it's the principle) and I haven't used toilet paper in about a week and a half. Time has no meaning to me, I actually enjoy cold showers, mosquitoes are my friends and the only thing I get upset about is people disrespecting the King.
Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but the toilet paper thing is true. Moving along though, I had to spend a day in Krabi town before my bus to the big smoke and took the opportunity for a quick trip to nearby Wat Tham Seua (Tiger Cave Temple - not the one you're thinking of Amy), where I walked up 1237 steps to admire a massive Buddha statue and hazy views over Krabi province. While going up was tough enough, when I was descending the 600m mountain my knees were positively shaking and not just because of the potentially rabies-infected monkeys crowding the steps on the way down. Wat Tham Seua also treated me to the unique sight of a monk fixing a motorbike inside the temple.
The next morning I hopped on a twelve hour bus ride to BKK, which uncovered some more Thai idiosyncrasies. What's weirder? Showing gory, violent horror and action films at 10 in the morning in a public bus, where granny is shooting up werewolves, while getting her grandson to reload the other shotgun (in the movie that is, not the bus), or censoring, of all things, the harmless scenes of nudity in said movies? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every blood-soaked minute, but the last time I caught a cross-country bus in Australia the movie being shown was Walt Disney's "Robin Hood" (by the way, a classic if you ask me). I also like the fact that on these long bus rides you get given snacks and soft drinks and are invited to join your fellow passengers at a roadhouse for an early complimentary lunch. Way to keep your passengers happy. One last note. I heard stories in Thailand of agonising bus rides in cramped little vans without air-conditioning, that drop their passengers off in the middle of nowhere. The coach I caught, which I understand was Government run, on top of the perks mentioned above, was perfectly spacious and had reclining seats that actually allowed you to get some sleep (something I didn't think was possible on any bus).

PS: If you've been following this blog and haven't left a message, please do. I'd love to know who's reading this drivel and what they think of it. Thank you to those that have.

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Comments

[dog gone]

great...
monkey bites?

[Axel]

Kaeseschmiere
Hi Florian Yes I'm still here and reading every interesting word from both you and Paul on your travels, with more than a little envy ... perhaps not the toilet paper bit! Still trying to figure out the mental processes that came up with a nick name of Kaeseschmiere, particularly after I read your explanation of it ......... I think the monkeys may have been in more peril if they had bitten you ! Enjoy......

[susie]

You know I am not biased but your dribble is funny, entertaining and an enjoyable read. Absolutly love it.

[Fluffy Bunny]

Invalid Comment
If you want the true no-toilet paper experience try India. 18 months with nothing but a bucket, some water and your left hand to combat arse-fungus. Quite a feat for those who do not have a left arm. Not many people like the idea of lending a hand, even if it is for hygiene. It is interesting that monkeys crowd temples even though they are not sacred animals. Perhaps they have found religion. I like temples dedicated to Buddha. Here is a man who gave up everything to enjoy the simplicity of being poor. And everyone goes and spends money on the golden temples in his name. I wonder if you have to pay tax in the afterlife?