An Encounter With The Wildlife

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Have I mentioned that there are no screens in our apartment? Like heat, they don’t do screens. No one has them. I’ve asked about it and the conversation always goes like this.
“What? You mean like fly screens? To keep flies out?” The Aussie will ask.
I’ll reply. “Well, sure, flies but also you know other things, birds, mice, leaves, stray cats - - just whatever. Screens are also handy to keep things, like children, in.”
They always look mystified and answer. “Well . . . we really just don’t have any flies.”
And that’s the end of it. We can’t ever seem to get past the flies. And beyond the child hazard and beyond the flock of screaming cockatoos that might fly in, I guess it’s kind of nice to have a clear view. And true enough, there don’t seem to be any flies.
But guess what, there are spiders. Today my neighbor came out into the hallway as I was getting a package and had a panicked look on her face.
“Are you good with spiders?” She asked.
“I am not, in any way, good with spiders - but why? Do you have the super-poisonous-everyone-has-promised-they-aren’t-in-this-area-funnel-web spider in your apartment?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “just a Huntsman.”
“Oh yes?” I responded. “Well what’s that look like?”
“Come see,” she said. So I did.
The Huntsman, as it turns out, is the size of a tarantula. SERIOUSLY. It’s a good many inches across in every direction. Look it up, I’m not kidding. The size of your open hand. And there it was perched on her ceiling.
“It’s the trees,” she whispered. “It got in from the trees and now I don’t know how to get it out so I’ve called my friend who lived in the bush to come help me.”
She then assured me, between curses and maintaining a defensive posture toward the spider, that they are really harmless. Well, let me just assure everyone right on back, if one of those suckers crawls in through my window I will freak out. FREAK OUT. Harmless or not, any creature I need a ‘friend from the bush’ to rid myself of - or body armor - is not harmless. To be quite honest if one gets in my apartment and Les is not around I will most likely call 911. I don’t have ANY coping mechanisms for spiders the size of crabs.
So, Sydney, you may not have flies, and hats off to that really great accomplishment. But guess what, you have bigger fish to fry than flies!!
And here’s just my crazy idea to rid yourselves of those pesky monster-sized spiders: TRY SCREENS.

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Comments

[Stacie]

Okay, those things are huge and gross. Time to buy an air conditioner and keep your windows closed for the duration!

[laura pb]

Oh my gosh, Esther, I am still laughing because we are identical in our appreciation for spiders. So...here are some suggested coping skills prior to dialing 911. 1) Spiders eat mosquitoes and will prevent you and the family from getting bitten up...that is if there are mosquitoes there. 2) What if you name the spider, maybe Fluffy, or Mimi, something "cute". Maybe it'll seem more friendly, sort of like a house cat or something 3) keep the windows open and pray that a cat or something crawls in. Then somehow intro the cat to the spider, sort-of like a cat toy. That may work. 4) Invest in some strong smelling perfume, something that will "stink out" the spider. As you can tell, I really, really can relate and have in fact used all these tips - including namin the spiders that seem to continually hang out my my windows. Good Luck!!