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Hi Zeev,
Welcome back to the US.. wanna join the game?Good day to you all,
So here I am. First week in back in the US starting with a visit to NYC. kindly disregard my "USSA" incidental mention - it was only a typo. Please do not connect it to the ol'USSR. There is no reason to be alarmed or to assume that I am sliding another persnickety political remark under your watchful eyes, which might direct your attention to the ever spreading and magnified control of the current regime -oooppss
- I meant administration. No! It was only a typo.
I do love this country. This is the perfect time to tell you this.
I became a citizen of the United States by choice. I liked what this country represented - the "new world" the "freedom of speech" the "innocent till proven guilty"… or as I see it "ignorant till proven wrongly". I love the true intelligence and intent behind the American Constitution in the attention to Human Rights (on paper) and the importance of an individual facing the omni-potency of government. Want more?
I love the national parks in the US, and a good burger with grilled onions and French fries, occasionally. (Make sure to hide from
me, this bright yellow liquidy substance, in the squeeze bottles, that Americans erroneously call mustard.)
I truly love Thanks Giving for being a Holiday without the nonessential secular religious ingredient.
"So?", you might ask, "what's with all the criticism and the undertones of Anti- Americanism? " - I will answer that in my next update - called "Travelin Z - Bargain-Basement Philosophy (51)". Gimi a couple of weeks. If - "you might ask" does not include you personally - go right ahead,…take out the tabloid you bought, incognito, in the supermarket while standing in line next to all the candy bars, and read that instead. I do care but I will not tell.
IN MANHATTAN
I think better while I walk - most women in my life denounced profusely the way I like to pace a living room endlessly, like a tiger in a cage, while I think. Do you like the “tiger” part?
I think (yes I can do it seated as well, as I am doing now - but not chew gum simultaneously) it has to do with the access blood rushing down to the legs and freeing the cramped neurons in my hot head
central park
pretty afternoon for faster brain activity.
Walking up and down Manhattan I came up with this new game.
THE UPTOWN DOWNTOWN GAME
Goes like this.
You pick a subject, anything you like, then, as you walk downtown you have to come up with "bitch and vent" impressions about it, while you are walking on the avenues, and with "adore and praise" impressions while walking on the streets. To balance it on the way uptown you do the reverse. (To the unruly few of you that do not know this - in Manhattan's grid the Avenues run north/south and the Streets east/ west).
Example from Monday.
Subject of the day - New York City.
Starting point - 300 East 71st (my aunt Nira's place) going to 57Th street (the newly open- always Mac store).
***Down 2ND Ave. -"bitch and vent"
Everyone in NYC is on a rush. All the time. Maybe they mix Amphetamines into the subway fumes. Even the homeless bum seated on a bench in Central Park, with nothing on his palm-pilot appointment list for the next three months, looks on a rush.
***Still on 2ND Ave. -"bitch and vent"
This city can compete with
Florida and Texas in high humidity races, where competitors have beat the sweat evaporation rate just standing in the shade. Sweating like a dog, but unlike the movie "Babe" NO pigs allowed in this competition.
***You hook a right on 64Th - "adore and praise"
People in New York are nicer then I remember - maybe it has to do with the gorgeous spring weather. I bet they will act differently when the summer humidity drops in for a visit. (easy man - save this till you hook a left on Lexington Ave.)
***Left on Lexington Ave. -"bitch and vent"
I went to "ground Zero" yesterday. Not sure why, I guess to show some respect. The sign says "...memorial to honor the 2979 heroes lost....".
Interesting. Apart from the fire fighters and police personnel that did engage in acts of heroism on Sept 11, most victims just happen to be there. The English language has an unsurpassed pool of adjectives readily available to describe the victims with compassion and respect.
But "heroes"? That is totally inappropriate on the linguistic level and possibly offensive to the real heroes.
***Left on 5Th Ave. "bitch and vent"
I've been here
Street Food
Guess what this burger used to be 5 days and no one, yet, told me to "go fuck myself", and no one tried to mug me. What happen to the infamous New Yorker attitude?
Got There - The New Mac store on 5Th Ave. open 24/7. Just what you needed - In case life for you can not continue without a new set of ipod speakers or an overpriced, but cool looking, external hard drive for your MacBook Pro at 4:37 am.
Same game same subject - from Paula's (a wonderful fashion photographer and a great friend who extended a very welcoming hospitality to me in NYC) loft down at the meat-packing district, going uptown - with more turns for fun:
***Right out of Paula's loft on 14Th St. - "bitch and vent"
NYC Cops are generally overweight, supporting big beer and donuts bellies. They do not seem to have height restriction while they recruit them ether. I saw some cops patrolling a beat that looked like 3rd graders on a Trick or Treat run.
***Left on 8Th Ave - "adore and praise"
In NYC you can feel free to be who you are no matter how odd
New York
HHHHHmmmmmmm this is. You feel like taking your Chia Patch Doll for a walk in central park, go head. Just remember the leash law.
***Still on 8Th Ave. - "adore and praise"
Very good public transportation. One can easily get-by here without a car. Unless you come from Los Angeles and feel compelled to drive from your front door to your garage.
***Right on 18th St. -"bitch and vent"
Playgrounds in New York are chain-linked-in and asphalt paved. The kids look like they think of "sand" as something you see on the National Geographic Channel or get "mail ordered" to your penthouse deck, if you are stinking rich.
***Left on 7Th Ave. - "adore and praise"
If your cross dressing tendencies are less hidden then the holly grail - NYC is the place for you. Anything is "ok" here. Not that I advocate cross-dressing particularly - but I strongly endorse all forms of individualist expression.
***Still on 7Th Ave. - "adore and praise"
It is real easy to strike a conversation on the streets with New Yorkers.
***Right on23rd St. - "bitch and vent"
I saw a guy on the subway begging for money. He had
more new york
hhhhmmm nice one a logoed Polo shirt on, and held a Starbucks empty paper cup. DKNY shirt and the bluish coffee cop with the pseudo Greek design would have been more appropriate.
*** Still on 23rd St. - "bitch and vent"
In NYC - one is bombarded with advertising in any spare moment of attention one might find. Gee I hate this mental pollution. Think of it as an effect similar to that of global warming on the ozone layers - on my cerebral cortex.
***Left on 3rd Ave. - "adore and praise"
There are some 300,000 dogs in Manhattan, but the sidewalks are relatively dog-shit-free. I suspect they feed the dog some new formula of dog food that makes the shit evaporate upon contact with pavement. Or the 1.6 million people living here picked it all up on the bottom of their shoes?
***Still on 3rd. Ave. - "adore and praise"
This city is aware of and promotes art.
***Up 3rd Ave. - "adore and praise"
You can "J" walk in front of cops. They "do'n do nowthen abowt it". Or they can't chase you cause they are too fat.
***Then right on 29Th St. - "bitch
Corporate America
Give me your brain little buddy and vent"
Still no "Fuck you" from any one - At this rate they are going to lose their NY reputation.
Then if you want to add more interest into the game - when you have wait for a light to change in an intersection - generate a thought provoking idea:
Sample on NYC still as our test subject -
***"New Idea"
Most buildings in Manhattan are multilevel accept the Churches Synagogues and Mosques. Why not build a multi-level house of worship. Lets stack them, it will be more cost effective - sort of a multilevel-cross-persuasion-sky-scraper-mall. With ethnic food court and souvenir shops. Saves room and helps polireligious families. Would be fun to televise the meeting where they get to choose "who's on top".
hope you like.
Lot of love from the Big Apple
Zeev
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Helena
non-member comment
Funny stuff
Hi! Just stumbled onto your blog and I think it's bleedin' great! I find it amazing how good your perceptions are articulated, with high comedic value! I do gather from certain centences or words that you might not be an English-speaking native, is that right? And I whole-heartedly agree with the comments on the label 'heroes' for just plain old victims of circumstance - I too have always found that highly irritating... Looking forward to read more stuff!! x