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Published: November 17th 2006
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Bus ride from hell
This might begin to give you an idea of the bus ride... Alexis and I went to Nong Khaiw to look for a trek that was a bit more off the beaten track, and we got it. Nong Khaiw is a fishing hamlet nestled in a valley between mountains with limestone clifts. There are waterfalls and caves to explore during the daylight hours but after the sunset this place is dead. Which actually suited me fine as the slowboat ride, was well, slow and I need rest more than anything else. Our first night we were hanging out on the porch of our little bungalow when a Polish guy joined us with offerings of Lao Lao whisky. I think we impressed him with our drinking whisky straight out of the bottle abilities. He said we sounded like Americans so that ended our friendship and we sent him on his way and we're in bed by nine. In the morning we set up a day long trek with our own private guide for the following day. Then we went off to explore a nearby cave and a waterfall that turned out to be not as nearby as we presumed. At the cave we paid an entrance fee and 3 small boys insisted on showing us around and taking us to a second cave that turned out to be a 5 min. walk through bush. We were expecting to be robbed at every turn, but decided we'd follow them anyway. Of course the boys wanted to know where I was from and when they found out I was Vietnamese-Canadian they got quite excited because the caves they were showing us housed both Laos and Vietnamese during the US bombing raids in the 60s. The second cave was way cooler than the first and we were glad that we didn't give into our paranoia of being jumped and robbed. But then the boys decided to get entrepreunial and demanded that we give them money for showing us the cave. I believe the exact phrase one of the boys used was, "Vietnam, Laos friends. Give me money." When I gave a little he demanded more so I gave them the equivalent of $2.50 USD- which is pretty much the price of dinner at a decent restaurant in the area. Then he turned to Alexis and told her "Vietnam good, give money. Canada bad, no give money." So she was guilted into giving them more. That tarnished the exprience somewhat. Especially because they told us they needed money for pens and paper for school. But when Alexis offered them a bunch of pens she had on her they rejected it and just wanted cold hard cash straight up! The oldest one also asked for beer, hmmm. So it was a very happy surprise the next day when at the end of our day-long trek- through a Mung village, to a underwater cave and to a waterfall- our guide didn't ask for any extra money. Not a tip or anything. So I gave him one anyway. He turned out to be a really good guide even if he didn't talk much and his English was only so-so. But he was so cute when he talked about his baby daughter. Laos fathers are great- you see them cuddling and playing with their kids all the time. Laos people are really great, very laid back (most vendors are usually sleeping and you have to wake them up to sell you stuff) and seem to be really proud of their country. And fyi, Laos guys are way hotter than Thai ones. We saw a hottie with his shirt off during our trek. Most impressive especially considering that he got his hard body by daily work not working out at the gym. Take note Canadian men!
We decided to leave that same night as we had already exhausted every possible means of entertainment and tourism the area had to offer. Leaving meant that after our full-day of uphill hiking we had to sit and wait at this Guesthouse restaurant until the bus came through town sometime between 8pm and midnight! We pretty sat there from 5pm until the bus came around 11pm. But we scored a hot shower through wiley means as well as 2 free Lao beers. We paid for dinner and proceeded to sit there for 6 hours. It was actually quite pleasant. The exact opposite adjective I would use to describe our bus ride from hell. Picture a over-crowded fire-trap of a bus carrying cranky falangs, locales and huge bags of rice, apples, watermeleons and god knows what else through the most bumpy, winding and dusty roads. Now imagine being stuck in said bus for the next 14 hours. Rest stops meant pulling over the side of the road and peeing in a ditch. Men on one side, women on the other. After 3 bus rides most lasting over an average of 8 hours, I have decided that Laos, especially northern Laos, is designed to simulate a hell on earth. Luckily I got a seat but poor Alexis spent the first bit of the ride sitting on watermeleons. And a creepy guy kept staring at her even while she was asleep stretched out in the aisle. I was watching him and was prepared to kick him if he touched her (no worries, I got your back Lex!). The roads were super dusty with this red dirt but people kept the window open so that they could hork globs of phlegm out of the window. Delightful. Everything was coated in dirt and my boogers were black by the end of the trip. And to make things even more interesting, we missed our stop and didn't figure it out until a few hours later. So we ended up in Sam Neua- a very dusty town that kind of resembles the old west. We had to stay the night and catch a bus that would take us to our destination - Phonsovan and the Plain of Jars. Alexis and I took it all in stride and I told her that there must be a reason why we ended up in this town instead of the other. That she would probably meet the man of her dreams here or something. And hey, as it turns out I wasn't so far off...this is where our lives intersected with Steve from Australia the coolest queen of the desert I've ever met. Priscillia doesn't even hold a candle to our Steve.
P.S. In reference to the title of this entry - the winner of the best name for a cocktail was discovered at the Sunset guest house restaurant in Nong Khiaw. It's Southern Comfort mixed with orange juice, hence, a "Comfortable Screw." Nice.
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Lexatron
Alexis Jones
bus from hell
that pic just kills me, it brings back all the watermelon memories, I laughed quite hard when I saw it!