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Published: November 22nd 2006
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After taking the longest possible route from Cambodia to Thailand - via 4 cities, three countries and over 15,000 miles - I arrived in Bangkok to meet up with Rick and Rob, and we were joined by a 4th traveller, Ad, another Trent Boy who I lived with last year at Uni.
What can I say about Bangkok...don't ever, ever go there! I've seem some bad places in my 22 years on this planet - I grew up in Northampton, went to uni in Nottingham and worked in Bracknell for a year - but non even come close to Bangkok. It's the dirtiest, most polluted and morally wrong place you can imagine (I know I sound like an old man) and there are only two types of people who go there; dirty old men (who come for cheap sex with cheap women) and hippies. The old men are just wrong. Normally I have not got a problem with hippies, if you want to hug trees and never wash that is your choice, but don't come to one of the most polluted cities in the world and then preach at me for using non bio-degradable shampoo!! I have two things to
say to these people 'piss-off' and 'get your haircut'! (Sorry Katie I really don't normally mind them, give the tree a big hug from me!!).
There were two good things to come out of Bangkok that are sort of related; spicy salads and the Bum-gun. I know I hear you saying in a Peter Kay tone of voice 'Spicy...salad'!? Well i've tasted it and its the future, soon to be found at weddings along side garlic bread and cheese cake! Anyway after a few spicy salads the bum-gun comes into its own, its literally a water gun attached to the toilet for cleaning your arse-post no.2. It might not sound like much but as Rick put it in the best poetry he could contrive "it saves me 10 minutes wiping everyday, which is an extra 10 minutes I have to spend on myself" - you can tell this lad is from the same country as Shakespeare! As you can probably guess we left after a couple of days and headed to Pattaya to meet up with a couple of familiar faces.
As a surprise my Dad and his wife, Jo, booked a last minute trip to Thailand to
Happy Days
Me, Ad, Rick, Rob, Dad, Jo and Girls from Blue Sky bar. meet up with me (some people will do anything to get in the travelblog) and there lovely travel agent booked them into a very nice hotel in Pattaya. In there brochure it said about the friendly people, golden sands and crystal clear seas...our guide, however, described it as 'putting the fourth S for sex in Sun, sea and sand'. There travel agent had forgot to mention that once you leave the beaches you are in a town with over 20,000 sex workers, where literally every need and fantasy can be brought at a price. We even saw one old man in a electric scooter with a young prostitute tottering along behind him, I hope she got paid well! I asked one bloke about it all and his only answer was 'When in Pattaya you just have to have your Cake and eat it' - all makes sense now!? I will never be able to truly describe Pattaya as most of you wouldn't believe that a place like this exists (I didn't until I got there), the best way to describe it is through two nights out we had. The first night we met up with my Dad and Jo, and
went to Blue Sky Bar one of the quieter, less in your face bars and we played a few games of pool. All the staff were very friendly and gave us lads lots of attention and we were all having a laugh but then comes the question...'me go home with you tonight?'...normally that question would be welcomed on a nightout, but it was at that point I realised that I was actually out drinking with my Dad, his wife and about 10 working girls! After a while you just get used to it and once they realise you are not after sex they are really nice girls and we had a good laugh with them.
The second event was another night out with my old man and we decided to go to a bar at the end of a pier, but to get there we had to walk past about 10 other bars all with at least 20 working girls in each. So we head down the pier with Dad and Jo in front and me and the other lads walking behind, then suddenly we are deafened by the sound of 200 women screaming at us (I have never
heard a noise like it) it was like we were famous! Us lads didn't know what to do with ourselves so we just sheepishly smile back at them, but my Dad is strolling up front head high, waving at them like he's Brad Pitt...we didn't have the heart to tell him they weren't screaming him! So that was Pattaya, not a place I would recommend or will visit again but the fact I was there with my Dad made it the funniest part of my trip so far. After the madness of Bangkok and Pattaya we decided to head to Koh Chang (elephant Island) for some R & R.
After Pattaya we were in desperate need of some rest and a bit of normality and we found it at Koh Chang, an islang in the North-East of Thailand. It really was paradise! We were staying in a beach hut with a bar just underneath it where we would sit and watch sunset while Oasis was pumping out in the background. In the morning we would get the odd monkey that came past the hut looking for fruit and also the odd spider that was the size of my hand
would descide to move into the bathroom. The beach was just a strip of beach huts and bars and not a lot else, the sea was crystal clear and warm and there was rearly a cloud in the sky....it really was paradise. Sadly it isn't going to stay like this for much longer as hotels are already started to be built so I think we found it as unspoilt as possible. Sadly while I was there I got very ill and had to spend a lot of my time in the hut, first I got tonsilitus, then a fever and spent a day between bed and the toilet to be sick and then the tonsilitus came back. The other lads informed me the nightlife was great but I only sampled it a few times and after a few 'buckets' (half a bottle of Whiskey, Red Bull and Coke...lethal) I dont really remember those nights. We ended up staying in Koh Chang for 10 days which is the longest we have spent in one place so far and none of us particullarily wanted to leave. We even discussed, after a few drinks, of all putting our travelling money together and buying
a bar that was for sale but then we realised that it would involve working and that is being put off for at least another 7 months. So we had to leave in order to give us enough time to get down to Ko Phangan for the full moon party.
Next we fly down to Koh Samui, then Koh Tao and finally Koh Phangan....can't wait.
Andy xx
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fitzy
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I wish I was there!
Hey hun, Just wanted to tell you that I am currently sitting at work looking out of the window overlooking St Peter's Way and what used to be Mooch or Hanrahans, its grey, miserable and windy and Im seriously wishing I'd gone ahead with applying for Shipwrecked after seeing this! Hope ur being sensible and careful babe, remember - a bottle of gypsy tears won't really protect you from diesases, unless there from Khazicstan, but I dont think ur going there are you? Oh well, wrap it up before u slap it up and remember crack is whack - holla! take care kid, love anna xxxxxx