A cacophony of disasters in Sth America

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Part I - Peru

I consider myself a pretty well traveled person, and relatively disaster free. That was, before I went to South America. I knew that I would need to have my wits about me. South America has the reputation of being corrupt and dangerous. I've heard the stories, of people becoming drug mules, being bribed by border officials and having narotics planted on them by police. Not to mention the trade in kidnapping, big business, especially in Brazil and Colombia.

Still, I wasn't worried. I was set to go to Peru, Ecuador and Argentina. Three of the safest countries in the continent. Plus, I was traveling in a group of four, including two strapping young men! Now, I want to stop right there, and make sure you know that nothing really bad happened. My disasterous experiences, did not include anything as dramatic as having cocaine planted on me by the police and needing to bribe my way out of it. It was really just a succession of hilariously stressful events, that just make me laugh nowadays when I think of the trip.

When the journey starts off with a 20 hour bus ride from Lima to Cusco, that turns into a 30 hour bus ride due to a mudslide, it's probably not the best omen. No big deal, that a couple of over the counter valiums won't fix at the time, right? Valium is one of the many fun things you can buy over the counter in S.A.

Curt (my Canadian boyfriend) and I turn up in Cusco, not feeling the freshest but the hostel is awesome, and i'm reunited with my one of best friends in the world, Bonney, the loud little pocket rocket from Sydney. And her boyfriend Tristan, who fits the typical Australian male stereotype of loud and rude when drunk, but generally a good guy.

From Cusco, we did the Inca Trail through the Andes, to Macchu Picchu. Which was in fact a disaster free portion of the trip, if you don't count the fact that I was terribly unfit and wanted to kill myself for the first two days of hiking. Yes, it was beautiful. Yes, it was amazing. Would I do it again? No.

Our hostel in Cusco was located on the top of an extremely steep road. Cars drive down the centre, and you walk on either side. Curt and I were walking down the stairs with our huge backpacks, when it was time to leave the city. We got to the bottom of the stairs and were standing on the side of the road trying to hail a cab, when I had a stroke of brilliance. Toilet paper! We needed it for another momentus bus ride. We walked into the corner store and out just in time to see a small dump truck completely filled with dirt come barrelling down the road, totally out of control. It was mounting the stairs where we had just been standing and then plowed straight into the side of the building where we had been waiting to hail a cab. It smashed hard, as in, we would be all kinds of dead, had we not remembered the toilet paper. The truck was stuck in the wall and bits of cements had fallen to the ground.

Curt wordlessly hailed a cab, we got in as people began to run towards the disaster scene. In the car, we looked at each other, speechless. "Holy shit, we would have been dead".

Part II - Ecuador

It was then that I knew we had to stay on our toes. Shit like that happens all the time in S.A. We did manage to get to Ecuador without any further incidents though. After spending a few days in Quito, where I didn't feel too safe, we decided to high tail it to Banos. A wicked little town famous for all of it's waterfalls, and aptly named "toilet" in Spanish.

Now Banos is a good time. Let's just say there were tequila shots, some bad karaoke in an all Spanish speaking bar, and a lot of me trying, and failing, to salsa dance. I also somehow burned my larynx on a local specialty shot that is on fire and tastes like death.

Curt and I decided to rent a deadly contraception that was somewhere between a dune buggy and a 4X4, except with no suspension or guts whatsoever. It's basically a frame with some plastic seats and four wheels. We had a great day ripping around the waterfalls. The only issue came when we realised that the falls were a little farther from town that what we had remembered. So, it's starting to get dark and we have to get this thing back into town by 8pm. We know there is noway we will make it on time using the back roads. So, we end up having to take the main highway, in the dark, with no headlights, through a tunnel, in a country where people drive like maniacs. For the second time that trip, I thought there was a strong probability I could die.

Curt was whiteknuckling the wheel, his foot to the floor and the thing was still only chugging along at max 20kms an hour. It was probably the scariest driving experience of my life, as cars overtook us along a mountain road through a series of tunnels. This setup would be a liability waiting to happen in North America. The combination of completely clueless gringo tourists, highways with nutcases behind the wheel, and a totally inadequate piece of equipment that should never be allowed on the road.

Obviously, we did make it back safe and sound, laughing our asses off in relief. The rental guy greeted us with a knowing grin.

The next stop in Ecuador was the amazon Rainforest. To be honest I didn't expect too much in the way of animal sightings. I thought the foliage would be too thick and we would be lucky to see a couple of monkeys. I'm happy to say, I was very wrong! The amazon is a must see for anyone into eco-tourism and animal life. The spot we went to was pretty deep in the forest, and our permanent camp was in a prime position right by a big lagoon. We had to fly into a small regional airport, a few hours from Quito, then it was a 2 hour mini bus ride from there. After the bus trip, it's a 3 hour canoe journey into the site where we stayed, at Cuyabeno lodge.

The only real disaster came at the end of the bus ride. Every one is piling off the vehicle, and as usual I am the last one off. I was playing with my iPod, standing up in the aisle when I hear Curt shout "Nova get off the bus!!!!" I look out the window and he's frantically waving his arms and yelling for me to get off. It's then I notice that the bus is rolling backwards. That gets me going. I frantically scramble off the bus and jump down the stairs. The thing is rolling backwards towards a seven metre steep concrete embankment where the boats get loaded into the river.

Thankfully Curt's screams attracted the workers attention. One guy jumped back onto the bus, pulling at the e-break, while the others piled rocks behind the wheels. The bus stopped at the lip of the embankment. Another crisis averted!

We spent three days in the amazon going on canoe rides and nature walks. A lot of the wildlife we saw was right at our camp because of the prime lagoon location. We had three different types of monkey species that visited us. Amazon monkeys are really cute and furry, and we saw a couple with babies up close. There was a smaller yellow type of python that was in one of the cabins (not ours thankfully). We also had a family of cayman that lived right by the camp. The mum was quite big (about three metres) and she had eight babies. She didn't like it when we got too close and started snapping towards us. This caused a domino effect of ten tourists racing backwards from the river.

We were lucky enough to see a group of pink river dolphins up close. They put on a show for us, breaching in circles around our boat. We also caught a glimpse of a sloth high up in a tree. We found a massive anaconda that was not so high up, nestled in some branches just above the water level. We could have reached out and touched it if we wanted.

It's not just the animal life that makes the amazon worth a visit, the landscape is amazing too. There are gnarled trees that come right out of the water, and the most beautiful sunsets you have ever seen. We slept in basic wood cabins with wide open windows, and you can hear all the animal and birdlife at night while you sleep. Not to mention that our camp cooked us excellent food, and the guides had a sixth sense about where to find things.

Part III - Argentina

The next saga in this episode happened when we flew from Quito to Buenos Aires. We had met up with Bonney and Tristan again in Banos and they were flying with us. So we all go to check in with LAN Ecuador and everything is all good with the other three, they give them boarding passes. The guy at the counter takes my bags as well, but says he can't print my boarding pass; I need to go talk to customer service.

All good, I'm not worried. Curt and I bought our tickets through an agency in Canada together, so I'm sure it will be fine. We go up and wait in line at customer service. There's one girl and a line of four people. Finally, it's my turn to talk and I explain I had to come and see her to get my boarding pass. She punches something into the computer, hands back my e-ticket and says in broken english, no boarding pass for you. Then she waves me off. I'm confused but try and remain calm, asking what the problem is. She ignores me for 10 minutes, talks on the phone in Spanish and proceeds to the next customer. Now I'm mad! I demanded answers and the conversation (or lack of), gets heated. She gives me some bullshit about seeing my name, seat and meal requests but my not my ticket number. She says I have to pay $1,000 USD or I can't get on the flight.

Long story short after almost two hours of arguing, one credit card bill of $1,000 and a panicked sprint through customs, we just make the flight. It took me a year of hounding my travel agent to get the money back for a flight I had already paid for.

Next stop, Buenos Aires. This is definitely one of my favourite cities in the world. It's massive and extremely European, with huge, tree lined streets, and crumbling old buildings that hint at the former glory of the city.

The hostel we were staying at was called the Millhouse, and it's a total institution in B.A. It's a huge old house with wrap around balconies over an inner courtyard, and it's meant to be the best place to stay in the city. It's right downtown in the microcentre. It was by far the most expensive hostel we stayed in on the trip, but we were okay with that because we wanted in on the action.

Our first day there was a scorcher, 35 degrees out, and we spent the day in the sun, after having decided to walk to Recoleta to visit the famous cemetary where Eva Peron was buried. We should have taken a cab. After an exhausting day of pavement pounding, we returned to the hostel to have a shower and get ready to go out, on what was set to be a cracking night in Buenos Aires. Our plans quickly come to a halt when we realised that not only was the power out in all the rooms at the Milhouse, but so was the water.

Unfortunately, this realisation happens after Curt unleashes in our bathroom. So we are feeling sweatier than an NBA team and our room literally smells like shit and we can't even shower in preparation of the nights festivities. In the true sense of backpacking we decide to wash ourselves in a bucket of water, then try some old school flushing styles, filling up the toilet from the bucket and flushing. Success! We come out of this cleaner than we had been before and the offender is also flushed down the toilet.

Buoyed by our recent cleansing victory we hit the town at about 1am (you do not go to any club in B.A. before 1am). Club 69 is a theatre group that takes over a downtown venue on Wednesday nights only, and I have to say if you have one bone in your body that loves to party, then this is not to be missed.

The club is huge, with multiple rooms, good tunes and packed with sweaty bodies. The main event starts off with the best break dancing I've ever seen. FYI the drinks they pour are about the stiffest you will get. It may cost $18 for a vodka redbull, but it is about 5 shots of vodka.

After the breaking; comes the real fun. That's when the theatre group takes over, and by theatre group I mean; big fat men dressed as greecian godesses, flanked by beautiful men and women in gladiator getups dancing around the stage and brandishing swords. Let's just say it was a bit if a blur. I can tell you this, Bonney and I were up front and centre jumping up and down for five hours straight. It just gets raunchier and raunchier as the night progresses, suddenly gladiators are dipping chocolate covered strawberries in different orafices. Enough said.

We roll back to our hostel, sweatier than ever, aching muscles, ready to shower and collapse, when we realise the water is still out, and so is the power. The entire hostel literally smells like a sewer. I have never smelt anything like it in my life. We had paid for air con, but of course, that was out with the electricity. So not only does it smell worse than death, but it's boiling hot. Worst attempted sleep of my life. I have never seen a mass exodice like I did that next morning. Over a hundred hungover, stinking, griping backpackers mobbed reception demanding their money back, us included.

We then spent a fun day in search of another hostel in the vicinity that wasn't booked out. Oh the joys of traveling.

The rest of our time in Argentina was relatively disaster free. Argentina is my favourite of the three countries we visited in South America. It has a bit of everything. From B.A. we took a 24 hour busride up to Iguazu Falls, which is on the border of Paraguay, Brazil and Argentina. It should be one of the seven natural wonders of the world. It is truly amazing. The falls make for the largest volume of water in any one place. They are literally huge in diameter and the roar is deafening.

Our first view was from the top, we looked over at the huge mouth of water, sparkling in the sunshine, a rainbow stretched outward from the falls, and butterflies flitting in and around the waters edge. It is breathtaking. The kind of sight that leaves you in awe of nature. It is not to be missed on a trip to Argentina, if there is one thing that you see, this is it!

We stayed in an amazing hostel there, that had been converted from a casino and had a big pool out front. We even had complimentary air con in our room, and yes there was ping pong. Every night they did a massive buffet of meats and salads with all you can drink caprinias. They then had amazing Brazilian salsa dancers, followed by congo line and limbo. Sounds cheesy, but a damn good time.

From Iguazu we traveled West to Salta, in the Northwest corner of Argentina. Another twenty hours on a bus. These buses are like business class on airplanes, but you still want to bring a bottle of wine and some valium on board to get you through it. I would recommend flying if you are limited with time, but it's about seven times the price.

So, that pretty much sums up our disasters. I have to give an honourable mention to Bonney and Tristan for their extremely vocal and consistant fighting throughout the trip also. My favourite instance was when Tristan accused Bonney of flirting with the DJ at a club in Mendoza, so she doused the bed (and Tristan) with water so that he could not sleep in the bed. A brilliant move considering that was where she had to sleep too.

I should probably also write an apologetic paragraph to the poor security guard who I yelled at in Iguazu Falls because I was so drunk on caprinias that I couldn't work the slot machines. I decided to yell at the poor guy, because one machine took my 5 USD in one go, but mostly because they didn't serve free drinks when you gambled. I should add this town was built because it is home to one of the most beautiful natural sights I have ever seen in my life, it is no Las Vegas.

The moral of the story is that South America is a fantastic place to visit, the adventures never end, you just need to be ready for anything!

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