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Published: November 2nd 2007
Terere
Esteban drinking Terere in his 'new' Arsenal shirtAfter three years, 5 months and 24 days (ok i made that up but something like that) I finally returned to Paraguay my self-appointed second home. There is always something good about returning to somewhere you know well after 4 months of discovering new places.
My childish excitement began at Buenos Aires bus terminal where people began chirping away in Guarani and pronouncing their R's in that funny way that Paraguayans do. Then i saw Terere (the Paraguayan tea i am always trying to get you guys to taste) kits and was proud to have mine to hand. On crossing the border i bought Chipa and pretended to be shocked that Asuncion bus fares were now 2.000 guaranies instead of 1.500 (that is 20p instead of 15p) even though i had read it on the internet over a year ago. On catching a taxi i was again able to prove that i really was in my second home when i first rejected the taxi driver's offer of "Hotels in the centre" then proceeded to direct him to El Redil, the Children's Home i spent 6 months volunteering in back in 2003/04.
My excitement at coming back was tinged
Football fans
At the local football match with a pang of nervousness when i realised i hadn't told anyone i was visiting and one of the kid's i looked after didn't recognise me when i saw him lounging around in the front garden and told him to take me to the Capitana (As it is Salvation Army run all the staff have ranks as if they are actually in the military). But on entering the kitchen i was relieved to remember that this is Paraguay, home to the most hospitable and laid back people in the world...FACT. It was 7am and i turned up after three and a bit years to see Sra.Carmen (a wonderful little middle-aged lady with a cracking sense of humour...ask for some stories when i am back) who simply said "ooohhhh Ral (they can't get the F sound) what a surprise" gave me the customary two kisses then sat back down and returned to sucking on her Mate (the hot version of Terere). It took me about an hour of catch-up chatting before i plucked up the courage to ask if i could stay, of course there was no problem, although they were worried that i would be without hot water...i assured them
Paraguayan Family
Myself and the fam this wasn't a problem in a country that regularly hits 40c.
But my real story is not about my return to Asuncion but my return to Caraguatay a small town where Esteban, Sra.Carmen's nephew and my bestest friend in all of Paraguay, lives with his family. For a week i was back in rural Paraguay and truly remembered how tranquilo (laid back) Paraguayan life really is. That week there were two big events in the town and its surrounding hamlets. 1. The robbery of a currency exchange shop and 2. The sighting of the lesser-spotted Rubio Lindo (Good looking white boy...that would be me).
We first heard about the robbery when Esteban and I were cruising down the cobbled road that links the local Compñias (hamlets) to the town in search of a pool table and a beer. We saw two police pick ups full of policemen so Esteban pulled over to ask them what was going on. The conversation was in Guarani but as it is an idigenous language they have had to borrow lots of words from Spanish the most obvious being large numbers and "200 million Guaranies" (about 20.000 pounds) kept getting repeated. Since that
first amount i have also heard 8.000 pounds and 26.000 pounds being cited as the official amount robbed by the astute bandits. Well actually they aren't that astute...it was definitely more a case of "Keystone Cops" rather than "Ocean's 11". What everybody couldn't understand was how did 4 masked men with guns enter the exchange house that is on the corner adjacent to the Police station without being noticed? The answer was a simple one, an accomplice phoned the police and reported a murder telling the police that he had seen the murderer escape towards the fields next to the hamlet farthest away from Caraguatay. As there is never ever a murder in Caraguatay the cops got excited and they ALL went in search of the phantom murderer leaving the centre of the town totally unattended!! As Esteban's dad said "Que pelado!" (Schoolboy Error). As i left (Sunday 29th) there was one more twist in the biggest robbery ever in Caraguatay...Paraguay's Great Train Robbery if you like. The bus i was on heading to Asuncion via Caraguatay (I started on the cobbled road leading away from the suspected hideout of the bandits) was boarded by the police which is the most active policing i have ever seen in Paraguay and they looked for any unknown people (by this time i was a minor celebrity so they didn't even give me a second look). One guy who had bad teeth (generally a criminal sign i feel) and no documents (technically illegal in Paraguay) was hauled of the bus, i will find out for definite later in the week if he was the 2nd of the 4 to be caught.
But lets talk about the first ever Englishman to go to Capellania (Esteban's hamlet) and his effect on the local community. I got off the bus on a blazing hot Saturday afternoon clutching the scrap of paper with the name Capellania i had got Esteban's Aunt to note down in case i couldn't remember the house. I had expected to see Esteban, his dad and at least one of his six sisters (thats not why he is my best friend in Paraguay but it helps!) sitting outside drinking Terere but i quickly realised it was siesta time and nobody was around. But as if by magic Esteban stepped out of his side door in his siesta shorts to wash his face when he looked up i think he thought he was still dreaming because he didn't say anything. "M'bae ko'pio" I greeted him in Guarani, he looked up again. "Rall"..."Rall" he said again rubbing his eyes and from that moment it was like nothing had happened. We made fun of his younger sister, then got on his moto to have a beer in town and he introduced me to his new girlfriend (Esteban always has a different girlfriend everytime i see him). That night was beer, pool and constantly explaining that i was English not American and that means i come from England which is also part of Great Britain and the United Kingdom but we don't wear skirts that is the Scots and they are not all gay it is just tradition! Sunday not much happened as we didn't have any electricity.
On Monday i went into the school where Esteban teaches which was odd considering that when it rains they don't go to school but when there is no electricity the pupils still turn up. Paraguay has just undergone an educational revolution which seems to be having a few teething problems. In an attempt to stimulate "autoaprendizaje" (self-learning) the traditional method of writing on the board and children copying (I'm thinking Miss Eaton's history classes) has been banned, but instead the teachers go into the classroom and set a task then they leave and drink Terere before going through the work in the last five minutes of the lesson. I personally think that might be a bit too much self-learning for the kids!
On Tuesday i was asked to explain why AIDS was not as big a problem in England as Paraguay, i gave some dull reasons like "We learn at a younger age" or "The culture is different". But the real reason is because in their play on STD's one of the 16 year old girls talked about "Women's Semen" and Esteban cracked up laughing before saying "Humans don't have semen, thats animals, we only have sperm!"...There is still a long way to go.
By Thursday i really was the talk of the town, several people came up to me and said "I heard you were dancing Musica Paraguaya last night". It was true i had been adapting the "Ralphy Shuffle" to traditional Paraguayan music while drunken cowboys rode up to the bar on their horses then pretended to ride onto the dancefloor. That morning was an inter-college exposition at Esteban's school and although we rolled up about half an hour late due to severe headaches from last night's dancing i was still in the Directora's good books. So much so that after been given pride of place at the front of the crowd i was then asked to "say a few words to the audience". My brain was not functioning, in fact i was still slightly pissed as i made a few polite comments about Paraguay and its people before sitting down sharpish.
Friday and Saturday there were two parties in my honour...actually i think there were just two parties...there was more dancing to Musica Paraguaya, lots of meat on the barbie and a visit from two more of Esteban's sisters and his nephew Diego who didn't say hello to me but just said "Ralph, I'm not ticklish anymore"...for the record he still is. He also loves Madagascar and does a pretty good dance to "I like to move it move it" although not as good as mine...I will be adopting it as my goal celebration for Parklife (my Sunday League team) when i get back.
And that was my week in the countryside, probably the best bit was that with 4 nights out (including one where i paid for Esteban as well as myself), countless trips to the supermarket for "snacks" (read reasons to bunk off school), a football match, many games of pool and two three hour bus journeys my grand total for the week was 20 pounds...you just can't beat those prices. Of course the downside is that someone like Esteban who is university educated, in a highly respected profession and is trying to make his country a better place to live in only receives 200 pounds a month. It is often easy to enjoy the great value for money of the developing world and never bother to ask why everything is so cheap and how the hell to people keep "tranquilo pa"(cool) about the whole situation.
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Jessie
non-member comment
Life in Paraguay
I was so excited to read this! I lived in Paraguay for a year as an exchange student and will soon be going back, teaching there. I'm working on improving the little bits of Guarani I know, although I know it will happen much more easily once I'm back! It seems you were able to pick up on more than I did!! This is the first entry of your blog I have read, but I'm excited to see the others. :-) Thanks so much for sharing!