Whisky, Chapas and Reggaeton

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I have now been in Quito a long time, so long in fact that the customers in the stationary shop always ask after the "vecino gringuito" (the gringo neighbour). On that note i think that we (South-West Londoners) should incorporate "Veci" and "Pana" into our slang as they are pretty cool. Also a fit girl who is a local definitely should be called "Vecinita". Before i recount more tales involving alcohol (sorry mum but it is peer pressure) dancing and transit police (more or less in that order) i thought i would share a few observations i've made about Ecuadorian culture which struck me as a bit odd.

Rice and Spoons: Every meal will contain rice, even breakfast, the people here are so dependent on the grain that the 2 cent price increase for a bag of rice was headline news. Also everyone uses a spoon to eat...ok if you go to a restaurant you will often be give knives and forks (especially in tourist areas) but at home people are much more comfortable with a spoon. This makes a lot of sense on the rice front (those of you who have been to Thailand surely agree that fork and spoon is the way forward in rice eating) but what about the meat? In a strange link to Asian culture (but also indigenous South American culture) the Ecuadorians use their left hands to eat the meat while shovelling in rice with the spoon in right hand. I find it really odd that knives and forks brought over by the Spanish is pretty common across South America except here in Ecuador have the people seemingly rejected it and adopted this indigenous/western alternative.

Education or lack thereof: Ecuador is among South America's poorer nations (although not at Bolivian/Paraguayan standards) yet people's general knowledge is on the whole shocking. The other day watching TV, my friend got excited when he saw news of an earthquake in Indonesia. "Look Rafael" he shrieked "Indonesia is that near your country?". The same guy is obsessed with Chinese and Japanese and the "other Chinamen" (i think he means Koreans) who he keeps telling me are so intelligent, thats why all the electronics are from there. My Ecuadorian Mum can't get her head round London, England and Great Britain she thinks they are the same thing and often just puts them in the US which according to her doesn't include California...it's a separate country where her cousin lives. I have been asked hundreds of inane questions about England normally starting with "In your country is there..." sheep, buses, apples, roses, toothpicks, chinese people, black people and even have been asked the classic "How do you talk to people in England if they don't speak Spanish" at which point i had to explain that i also speak English to which the reply was "So they speak English in England?" (non-Spanish speakers: the words are just as similar in Spanish "Ingles" and "Inglaterra").

Anyway that is enough of all that...and by no means am i making fun of the Ecuadorians (well maybe a little bit) when i repeat their examples of ignorance. It is not their fault that in a country that has oil, natural gas and access to the sea the average daily wage is only $5. They have been screwed over and over again by corrupt politicians that has led to corruption being ingrained in the Ecuadorian way of life...however as you will soon see it isn't always a bad thing.

That day i went with some of my adopted Ecuadorian family on a daytrip to Laguna Quilotoa. It is a fascinating place, you drive for two hours up to the very top of the mountain where you reach a volcanic crater. The crater is huge (my camera couldn't fit it all in) and at the bottom is a lagoon. We descended down the sandy path to the lagoon to find that the water is salty. A couple of old locals who mill around offering donkey rides back up the mountain had a few theories as to why it was salty. My favourite is that it is connected to the sea by a massive underground river, seeing that we are about six hours from the coast it would be pretty impressive. Apparently the depth in the middle was measured at 280 metres but they couldn't find the actual lake bed. They also said that a scientist had visited a few years ago (though the way they talked about time it could be twenty years) and told them a new volcano was forming underneath the lagoon and was going to displaced by this massive rock formation in the next fifty years. The walk back up was torture. Climbing mountains on a sandy path that swallows your feet is not fun normally, with a two-year old and five-year old in tow it is worse...far worse. I expended most of my energy dragging Jarenny (five-year old) up the mountain as she couldn't lift her feet up after about 10 minutes. The journey back had another torturous moment in store when we were pulled over by the Chapas (police) and Paul (my friend) gave me a look that told me "No this car is not road worthy and no my documents are not in order".
After the normal fun and games of "We are going to have to detain your car sir"..."But how will i get my kids home from the top of the mountain?"..."You should have thought about that before you drove up with out of date documents"..."But how will they get to school?"...we just paid them $10 and continued down the mountain. It is always such a dance to bribe the police, if you just waved money in their face you would probably go to jail (unless it was loads of money), instead you have to plead your case and then talk about "coming to an arrangement", "paying a cash fine" or "making a donation" before you actually slip the notes into the officer's hand.

That night we went on a road trip back to Quito (two hours away) where the kids were left at Aunt Nelly's house and myself, Paul and his wife Monica and Aunt Nelly attended a party. The party was in honour of one of their many cousins who had just finished school and on entry i was dreading it. Everyone was dancing salsa and my friend's eyes were filling with joy as they talked about the prospect of the gringo dancing. Luckily i slipped out of by asking to be introduced to everyone first and demanding at least one glass of whisky before i ventured onto the dancefloor. In fact there was far more whisky splashing around, every table had a bottle and a jug of water and some ice cubes. If (god forbid) the whisky ran out it was swiftly replaced by a full bottle normally from the waiters but later by the very drunk father of the school-leaver. The night soon got better as i was introduced to Fernanda and Paula who began topping my glass up regularly and giving me lots of "piropos" (compliments) about how jealous all the girls were that they were sitting with me. By the time the music switched to reggaeton i was ready for the dancefloor and much dancing proceeded. Very politely they all said i was a good dancer except for Paul who kept shouting across the dancefloor "Mueve las pompis" (Move your arse)...i replied that as an Englishman my "pompis" simply don't have the same flexibility as a latin man or for that matter a latin woman including Aunt Nelly who was a bit surprised when i said "lucky your boyfriend isn't here to see you dancing like that"..."he doesn't mind, he's really tranquilo" she replied looking at me like everyone dances like that. For those of you who know what reggaeton perreando involves i'm sure you will agree with me that most boyfriends wouldn't be happy.

Around 5ish the whisky and dancing had come to an end and it was time to make our way home. As Paul drove a massive pick-up he offered to drive most of the family home. Unfortunately this is Ecuador and having a "designated driver" is an alien concept. In other words he was hammered. It seemed that we had managed to do ok as we dropped everyone off then stopped at the traffic lights half a block from Nelly's house. Then the police pulled up and asked Paul to step out the car. It couldn't have been hard to tell he was drunk, less so when he began sucking in answer to the police officer's request to "blow"!! In my slightly merry state i pulled out a $20 and rather loudly suggested that we are in Ecuador so lets just pay so we can get some sleep...luckily only Nelly and Monica heard me not the police. Unluckily Paul was put in the back of the police car and at that point it looked like he was in for the mandatory 3 weeks in jail without trial (I mean who can be bothered with all the paperwork and cost of a trial when you can just throw someone in prision). Amazingly a couple of minutes later he was back behind the wheel slowly driving us the half block home.

The next day we asked Paul how he escaped justice, was it a bribe? "No" he replied laughing "I just told them how will my kids eat if i go to jail? I'm just a poor guy from Latacunga. Then i said look my wife can't even start the car". This part was true, Monica couldn't start the car and the police must have seen it and
a) had pity or b) thought how the F&%K are we going to move that pick up out the middle of the main road before tomorrow.

Looking back we were very lucky, but unfortunately i don't think Paul will be staying sober at the next party, nor will he reject resorting to a bribe, nor will the police refuse to accept one. That is the sad thing that a lot of Ecuadorians forget when they speak so badly of corrupt politicians...until they as a society are willing to forgo all the perks of being able to bribe your way out of most things it is unlikely the authorities will stop profiting off society.

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