Day 11: Smells Like Funk

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Oh the places you’ll go… the smells that you’ll smell… and the thoughts that you’ll think. Here’s my working theory on showers, body odors and excess cologne/perfume.

Let’s start backwards with the excess cologne and perfume. One morning I got on my elevator <em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">alone and the perfume stink was so strong I thought I was going to have to bail out, but couldn’t figure out how (it’s a 1950s, 3 person max, with a door you manually open and close). Besides there are only 5 floors, so I sucked it up. Another day in the park I counted how many steps it took for the cologne and it’s trail to stop (over 25). On multiple other occasions I have physically and audibly gagged just passing someone on the street… in the open air! I suppose I should mention that I can be sensitive to smells, but it’s <em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really pretty out of hand here.

Now let’s move on to body odor. It’s not a big problem in Quito, but the lack there of leads me back to the excess cologne. I currently have two plumbers and one security guard in my tiny apartment and it does not smell good. Now, these are working men and I think we’ll all agree that doing real work can cause you to smell stinky. But it’s only 11am…. How much stinky work could have been accomplished this early in the day?

That leads me to the final piece of this stinky stinky puzzle. Showers. I myself have used a lot of deodorant, of late, to avoid using my shower. You see, it refused to drain and quickly turned from a shower into a bath. Disgusting! There is also the problem of not enough hot water. My maintenance man and I are in disagreement about this fact, but I will win in the end, because the Countess (aka the First Lady of Quito) is always on my side.

Sorry, back to showers related to the stinky… There are a lot of old buildings and sketchy plumbing in Quito. I mean I don’t envision a serious building code enforcement group here. So here is my theory… showers either don’t work or don’t work well. Which leads to stinky body odor, which leads to overuse of cologne to hide the stinky body odor.

Whatever the cause, I know some people, who know some people, in the ministry of health and this showering in cologne/perfume practice must be addressed!

NOTE: This post is brought to you by Smells Like Funk by the Black Eyed Peas off their Elephunk album. Check it out...

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