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Published: August 7th 2007
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This is the tale of my worst journey so far on my trip.
I was in the town of Coca, deep in the jungle, about to embark on a six-hour bus ride to Tena, another remote town. Being the first person to book a ticket four days previously, I had been given my pick of the seats from a nice diagram on the wall. I picked seat number 1, thinking of more legroom and a great view of the road over the drivers shoulder. How wrong was I?
The driver was seated in his own sealed off compartment with blacked-out windows, so looking forward I could see precisely nothing. A girl was seated by the window, so my view that way was limited. And leg room was minimal, even by the standards of my little legs. Plus I had to cram my daypack between my feet because I couldn't risk putting it on the overhead shelf (Camera, passport and all my essential items were inside). THEN, just as I'd got my legs semi-comfortable, the co-driver of the bus opened the door to the drivers compartment, rammed it against my legs and pinned it open. Everyone else behind me now
had a perfect view of the road ahead, whereas I was crammed into a dark corner with my shoulder against this door and 30% less leg room. It was ridiculous! I tried to complain in my limited Spanish, and got a wagging finger in return. I craned my neck to see if there were other seats free, but the bus was full. So I had six hours of cramped bus hell to look forward to, with no view, no room for my legs, and some girl next to me with a fat arse who kept trying to move into my space.
After ten minutes, my legs were aching, so I tried "position 2". This was fine for another twenty minutes, then I had to shift to "position 3". Somehow I managed to dose off only to be rudely awoken by police in bullet-proof vests storming the bus with sub-machine guns. I was asked for my passport, the guy looked at it closely, then hauled me off the bus. He thought my passport was dodgy because it was new and had no stamps, and he couldn't find the Ecuador stamp. Had they stamped it at customs?? Eventually they found it
and I was free to go. I climbed back on the bus and borrowed a shoe horn from the driver to get back into my seat. I re-arranged my feet into position number 8 and started to doze off again.
I was rudely awoken once more by the bus bouncing and lurching all over the place. We'd run out of tarmac and were travelling on a rocky dirt road, with the driver weaving everywhere to avoid potholes. Oh well, I thought, only four more hours to go. I put my feet into position 12, got out my MP3 player and put on AC/DC, "Highway To Hell." My other favourite song that night was Talking Heads, "Road to Nowhere"
I am always suprised at the places I have been able to sleep. I am thinking of writing a book entitled "How To Sleep In Unusual Places". I think two of my favourites have been:
1. In Abersoch, Wales. Myself and a mate were unable to flag down a taxi late at night. So we found a speedboat which had a tarpaulin sheet over it, climbed underneath and slept inside. Unfortunately, it was a showboat on the forecourt of
the "Land and Sea" Store. So we awoke in the morning and climbed out from under the tarpaulin to find a group of people being shown the boat by a salesman, and looking at us in extreme suprise!
2. Getting a taxi home after a very late night in Brixton. I was sitting on a wall outside my house, checking my phone messages, when I fell over backwards. I landed in a bush with my feet still on the wall. I tried to get up, but the angle of my feet stuck on the wall made it impossible. The next thing I know, it's morning, the sun is shining, and I'd spent the night in a bush!
Anyway, I digress. The bus was making various stops throughout the night, and I was apprehensive about missing my stop. After shifting my legs into position 28, I checked my alarm clock. Midnight! The bus was due to arrive at 1am, so I thought I could catch a cheeky nap. I set my alarm and that was that. Just before I closed my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a neon sign over the girl's shoulder, saying "Gasolinera De Tena".
some "accommodation"
in a very loose sense of the word! Holy Mackerel, we were in TENA! I panicked and shouted "Stop the Bus, Stop the Bus, AQUI AQUI!" My clock was wrong by an hour, and it was actually 1am. Close one!
So I got off the bus, and was due to be picked up by some dude from the hostel. I waited for fifteen minutes on this dodgy street corner, with packs of guys cruising past in a shady manner, but no-one showed. Eventually I caught a cab to the hostel, but it was closed up for the night. I rang the bell, but the doorman was having none of it. So I tried another hostel, but that was closed as well, and they were not answering the door. I tried a third hostel, no joy. Out of instinct I patted my trousers - where was my wallet?? I had stupidly left it in the cab, a random cab which I would never find again. So by now it's 2am, all the hostels are closed, and I have no money apart from my emergency fund in my backpack.There was only one thing for it - The Hilton!
Luckily the Hilton was just down the road, and I managed to wake up the night porter. At this point I should mention, this is not THE Hilton. This is a last resort, run-down ramshackled old hostel called The Hilton. Three quid a night. Threadbare sheets. No hot water. Mouldy ceiling. Worn lino on the floor. Assorted writing like "Julio loves Gemma" carved into the walls. But at least it was a bed for the night! Not that I slept much. The humidity was unrelenting and the fan made such a groaning noise that I had to turn it off. The Roller Disco next door was pumping out bass until 3am, then at 5am the early morning trucks were thundering by. Some dude started playing music upstairs at 6am, and I had to answer the front door at 7am cos some bloke was incessantly pressing the buzzer.
Welcome to Tena!
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Dogstar
non-member comment
:-)
Dogstar, this is brilliant! Sounds like you're having a ball out there. I'll probably forget to log on sunday so I'll wish you a happy birthday now. Hope you get smashed on local brew and have a ball. Laters, Dogstar