The Human Hamster Trafficking

Yes indeed, it is the humans who traffic the hamsters. You see, in Colombia, hamsters are free to choose their own bowl and if you put your money on it, you win! (See the hamster races) But now I must expose the seedy underbelly of Ecuador, and enlighten you to what happens to these adorable hamsters when they are exported south of the border.

An important note, my sister pointed out to me that these aren't hamsters; technically they are guinea pigs. But what is the difference between hamsters and guinea pigs really? I think it's that hamsters are chewier. Although it could be the other way around. Which reminds me, when I was a kid we had a hamster named Porky...or maybe it was a guinea pig. Ah yes, it was. I told my kindergarten class about my guinea pig named Porky, and they all laughed, including the teacher. I didn't get it. I never got it. Not until just now. What grim foreshadowing for the woeful tale which I must tell!

Please, let me warn you first that this blog is not for the fainthearted. It is indeed a trip into the heart of darkness, perhaps of the whole world, in which you will see what is the most primitive human instinct...I'll not hide it from you any longer! They eat the hamsters!

It's horrible, I know, yet utterly delicious. I had to have a try for myself to see if it truly was as depraved and delectable as you might imagine. Well, it kinda tastes like chicken with a little pork flavor, if I remember correctly. But I digress.

So please, if you care about these adorable hamsters, call us now, at 555-HAMSTER. Oh no, I just realized something else. HAMsters! The horror, the horror! And guinea PIGS. Were these poor animals designed and designated just to be exploited? Why, their name is all over it.

Only you can help. Call now. 555-DELICIOUS. Oops, I mean, that's 555-GUINEAS. Orders come with fries and a soda.

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