Out on the Piste

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Skiing was never going to be my forte, not with my knees, and the thought of breaking something was all that occupied my mind as the ski slopes appeared over the horizon. But after a two hour ski lesson with a Brazilian guy who's English was worse than my Spanish i was ready to hit the slopes. The ski lift down to the slope was incredible as you pass over the little black dots zig zagging through the brilliant white snow beneath you.

Upon arrival on the piste, our Brazilian intstructor gave us a quick recap and then he was gone. We were on our own from here on down, and the adrenaline was starting to flow. I was reasonably confident i'd mastered the snow plow and could slow down, or even stop if necessary. What i hadn't realised is that when you do 0-60mph in about 1.3 seconds and your life flashes before your eyes, you don´t even have time to think about doing the snow plow let alone putting in into action. Needless to say, i developed my own stopping technique...I ploughed into people who thought they'd arrived safely at the bottom of the slope and i took down as many other people as i could on the way. I wasn't very popular.

After a few runs, though, i thought i was getting the hang of things. But there´s nothing more off-putting than being cut up by a 4-year-old girl, and i was quickly disheartened. She must have accumalated just as few ski miles as i had, yet she seemed to be gliding down like a pro. My only explanation is at 4-years-old, your fearless, and fear is a man's worst enemy when skiing. It's a sport of grace and elegance but when your rigid with fear you're only ever going to be amature.

Now, i like a bit of slap-stick as much as the next man, and there's nothing funnier than watching your fellow novices buckling in spectacular fashion, but the mistake i made was to turn my head and laugh. I was travelling up the small, seated ski lift (basically a pole that fits between your legs and drags you back up to the top of the slope). Someone fell quite dramatically, but not enough to seriously injure themselves, and no sooner and had i turned to laugh at them, I'd gone arse over tit myself. Serves me right.

In summary, I would have said that i ski like a little girl, but even the 4-year-old was better than me, so i guess 'Bambi on ice' is a suitable expression.

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Photos

The Lone Rider
Riding the ski lift to certain death!

Ski Cool
Check out my sexy red ski pants!

Mastering the Piste
I wish this was me

Up the Andes
It's pretty cool up here!