BONITO Bonito!!

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The bus ride into Bonito from the Patanal took about 4 and a half hours but i didn’t mind. I left around 3:30pm and very soon it was dark and i spent the ride gazing at the thousands of stars in the sky. The sky was so clear that for the first time in my life i could see stars coming all the way down the horizon almost touching the earth. Like a canopy or blanket they covered the entire sky, it was so amazing and it made me feel small and lucky to be in this wonderful world of mystery and surprise.
As I approached the terminal i got that same uneasy feeling of not wanting the safety and ease of the bus ride to ever end. I was supposed to be staying at a couchsurfers house (my first one), his name was William. I had his number and address but was unsure if he would be at the bus stop to receive me as i could only send him a quick message in the morning before i had rushed off to the pantanel, that i would be arriving on this day, at this time. I was a little nervous when i got out, i even asked a stranger that looked kind of like him if it was him but it wasn’t. I needed to use a payphone to call him but didn’t have one of those stupid cards, nor any idea where to get one or how to use, and it was dark. I’m sure Bonito was a safe small town but I was definitely lost, and with no map. I asked the man at the empanada counter, how could i use the phone, because i needed to call my friend. He generously tried the number from his cell phone but apparently the phone was turned off he said, so he couldn’t get through. He then took me to a lady working in the travel agency next door and asked her to help me. She tried the number again and then passed me the phone, it was Will. He said he was at college in class so to meet at some bakery in town, but after a lot of confusion he finally said, just wait i’ll be there in 15 minutes.

When Will arrived, I’m not sure why but he was not what I had expected. He was tall and very skiny, and he seemed nice. He almost seemed shy, maybe a little reserved, and smart. Not like the crazy Will, that was into partying like had been described on the internet. I felt happy and good that Will was a real person and seemed to be a person I could trust. He took me home and we chatted for a bit before falling asleep. I really liked his apartment and felt right at home from the minute I got there. It was small and simple, with only one bedroom and a small living room, bathroom, kitchen, and outside laundry area. There was no furniture to speak of other than a dresser that held up the tv. So no chairs or table. Just two simple mats for sleeping, mine in the living room, and his in his room. I slept well that night and the next day had my trusty cereal that i always carried for breakfast. Will had made plans earlier to go hiking that day to a nearby river (7 km away) with some other travellers that had visited the travel agency where he worked during the day. So off we went. There were two guys from South Africa, and an Italian chick that had hooked up with one of the guys. Will couldn’t get over it and called her a dirty slut, but hey, to each his own. If its ok for men, why not for women?? Well whatever. They were all ok, a good bunch of people, but when i hike i’m often not social, so during the hike I put on my ipod and left them in the dust, hiking at top speed, running, dancing, and occasionally singing. After all 7km is a ways away.

We arrived at the place, which was a national park, so we had to pay 10 R to get in. It was Rio Formossa, beautiful and jam packed with large fish. I plunged into the ice cold water and swam briskly as not to die from its bone chilling scorn. Afterwards I had a sunbath, during which the Italian girl pestered me with the usual, where are you from, how long you travelling, blablabla... After about 15 minutes i decided it was better to play soccer so we all tried. The others were not such bad players but all terribly out of shape, and lazy, so after about 10 minutes everybody quit to lay on the grass, leaving me standing in the sand. But in about another 10 minutes we were all playing a boring game of volleyball, until a friend of mine, a French dude, Reda, (the one from the pantanal that liked me) appeared. It was funny. So I invited him to join us. We had one more swim before heading out, and spent most of the next hour and a half walking home in the dark, but I loved it for the sounds and the stars, and the fresh country air. We stopped at a bar in the city center, and drank a reasonable amount, but I told Will I wanted to head home early cause I was done drinking and tired. I no longer had the urge to keep up with the alcoholic gringos. Will barely drinks and is an incredible lightweight, so it was totally cool and we came home. That was my second night and Will was so cute cause from then on he started bringing out in his mat to sleep in the same room with me, but like a sleepover in a completely plutonic way (ya i know he’s Brazilian, but he’s different, seriously, he’s half Japanese and on time!!).
So the next day we woke up and i made an elaborate egg and salad breakfast (not egg salad). We had no plans for the day so i suggested we sleep, and so we did for the whole afternoon. It was so fun to do nothing, to not have to do anything, and just to be able to sleep whenever, just because. Later that day we went for a walk. That day was Sunday, and the day I met Rudi, my scuba instructor. We were in the pharmacy and i had mentioned earlier to Will I would be interested in scuba diving and so Will introduced me to him because he was a scuba instructor, although one that could barely speak English (so..... -inside joke for will). lol. I finagled a good discount on a scuba course.

Over the next few days Will and I developed a really awesome friendship. He was so much fun and open minded. A free spirit with a dancing soul, that reminded me of my dear friends Mei and Pradeep. He was also kind, smart, and very nice, not to mention hilariously funny. He was totally willing to teach me Portuguese and would even quiz me of his own volition on the tenses of verbs and force me to use them in sentences and such. We spent a few nights exchanging stories about our lives and loves. We also had many awesome nights singing, or rather screaming the lyrics to Evanesence and James blunt, and even opera in order to compete with his whale of a neighbour that belts out atrocious notes to her favourite songs, night after night. It was great fun just letting go and being totally silly, and for the first time ever I didn’t feel self-conscious anymore about almost anything. It was great!! Sometimes our live action music video would even be accompanied with strange and obscure ridiculous dance moves. Lol.

In fact, the only reason I decided to stay so long here in otherwise boring bonito, was to be with my friend who could easily be called my new best friend, and about the only person I know that could be my roommate, as I am notoriously hard to live with, and typically dislike sharing my space with most. But with Will I think life would be a blast, and for the first time ever I could have the benefit of remaining single but never feeling lonely. Too bad he lives in Bonito and I couldn’t take him back to Toronto. But he did make me realize that this type of awesome friendship is possible for me, and that people so wonderful like that are out there, even if they are not easy to find.

So backtracking a little, Tuesday night was my first scuba class with Rudi. He picked me up on his motorcycle and off we went to his friends house who was out of town. It was a nice place, like a modern farm house, or stable with tall a ceiling, and large wooden beams. We went over some basics, but he wasn’t really able to teach me anything cause of his poor English, so I just explained the material to him in Portuguese in order to demonstrate what I knew. Ya, maybe I was a little arrogant but oh well.

The next day, Wednesday, I had my first tour, the tour of the cave with the blue lake. It was totally beautiful and cool, and my tour guide, Jo, was very nice. I even liked the fact that no one spoke English, really putting my Portuguese to the test. I was impressed with myself actually being able to understand and talk with Jo. It was funny cause later a couple of Americans joined us and I was actually back into my familiar position as translator! Lol. The tour was very short, and the group incredibly sedentary and awkward as they struggled for 30 minutes down the 80 m staircase into the cave. The roof of the cave was riddled with icicle shaped formations that dripped trickling water. The water at the base of the cavern reflected the light from overhead and glowed a magical ice blue. I took some pictures and was home by lunch.

Will was there as always to split his lunch with me. He pays a monthly fee to get a container filled with awesome hearty Brazilian staples, such as beans, rice, meat, farinha, and potato like things. Will usually eats barely anything and typically throws this awesome food away, only eating fried bread with condensed milk for dinner (ya, strange, i know). Anyways, luckily I’m here to take advantage of the tasty situation!

Moving along, that night I had my second scuba lesson with Rudi, and it was much of the same. After the rather short class, he told me that the next time I would see him would be my final exam on Friday (the day after next). So I thought, that was it? He didn’t cover anything really, just a bit of the tables, but it felt as though he just wanted to get through this theory bullshit and move on to diving. I felt a little resentful for his lack of instruction, but whatever. I wasn’t too concerned as I had done all the theory and pool exercises in my previous NAUI course in Toronto last year. I just needed to do my open water dives for certification.

The next day was Thursday, and it was raining miserably. The temperature had dropped from the pleasant 30 degrees to less than 20. I went on a freezing waterfall tour with the same tour guide, Jo, to Rio de Peixe. But despite the cold, the tour was really cool. I jumped off a 5 meter platform into a waterfall pool, but not before ample coercion and self-convincing. I was totally keen on doing it, but when I approached the edge of the wet rock, and saw the rock face that I had to clear below me, I was not so sure all of a sudden. I wanted to jump, I had to, but... all these scenarios of slipping and smashing my head on the rock on the way down kept streaming through my mind. Oh dear god!! I was really scared, I think unnecessarily so, and the fear that I had had before I jumped out of the plane when I went skydiving returned, but I knew that I couldn’t let it win. So throwing caution to the wind I leaped, and except for some water up my nose it was totally good. Then I saw Jo swam through a tiny crack in the rock at the water’s surface and into a cave. It was really a small hole, only body sized and he motioned for me and the others to come in. Was he nuts?? Ok fine, so I swam in. Jo led us in with his flash light. It was scary at first but the coolest thing I’d ever seen. There was about a foot of air space between the roof of the cave and the water, and the roof of the cave was shaped like icicles dripping with cool water everywhere. In some places there was barely a foot of air space, and in others at most 3 feet between the large wet spikes. I reached up and grabbed them, trying to climb, or rather boulder side to side, and that’s when I felt something touch my hand. Ahhhhh!!! What was that? It quickly flew across the airspace beside my face. It was a bat! BATS!! The tiny cave I was using as my airspace to breath above the surface of the water was filled with tiny bats!! Just me, my head, and bats!! Was this nuts? Well whatever, despite the creepy factor it was very cool; besides I actually really like bats, just not in my hair. We swam deeper into the cave (at my suggestion and insistence). My body was freezing. I imagined what it would be like to die in this cold place, how I would drown suffering from exhaustion and cold, much likely cold first. It was interesting to think about my mortality, and how much my body needed heat, and food, and all the necessities of life. Luckily I could exit the cave from the same narrow hole from which I had entered, and return back to my life, and so I did. I spent the rest of the morning swimming in the waterfalls, followed by push-ups and sit-ups in an effort to warm up.

Getting back to the reception, we had the most magnificent lunch buffet of my life!! Dishes I never heard of or imagined, like mashed potato pies with cheese and spinach and bananas, and so much more! I pigged out a little, but it was worth it!
So the next day was Friday, another freezing rainy day. The weather had cooled even more from the rains from the day before. It was maybe 15 degrees and I was to go to Rio da Prata for an amazing 2 hour snorkelling tour, but I begged Will to change my tour for fear of catching pneumonia in this weather. Unfortunately he could not, so I went anyways. They provided us with wet suits, and we hiked in the freezing cold to the river. We then got into the water to begin our 2-hour float down the swift stream. I must admit however, that I was not that cold. The water was surprisingly warm. There were a million fish, both small and large swimming in schools all around me, and the river was amazing, with sharp dangerous rocks everywhere as we swiftly floated in parts as shallow as 2 feet at times. The colours were of aquamarine, turquoise, and baby blue, creating a secret magical world that could only be seen from underwater. In the end I was glad I came, and I knew I was lucky to be here and see such rare beauty. However, I have to admit that maybe I didn’t take it all in as much as I could have. I suppose my mind was elsewhere, on my life, my trip, and the people that were missing from my side.
Moving along, as I mentioned earlier, Friday night I was suppose to have my final exam for scuba, the theory part, but I called Rudi 10 minutes beforehand and cancelled. I said I wasn’t ready for the exam. In truth I just preferred to hang out with Will and the exam could wait.

So Rudi came by Will’s place on Saturday night with the exam. It was funny cause it was all in Portuguese, so we had to do it together. Luckily I already knew everything from my last scuba course, so it made reading Portuguese and guessing what the questions were easier. Rudi had planned to translate the questions for me, but his English was so poor I found it easier and faster just to translate the Portuguese myself for him, lol. So the exam took a while but in the end I passed. That was really hard... (Not!).

Monday morning Rudi picked me up on his motorcycle to go for my first open water scuba dive at Rio da Prata. It was 50 km away, half dirt road, and half asphalt. We were doing maybe 120 km on the paved road, and not sure how much, but a lot, racing on the dirt road, weaving between ditches and on narrow wooden boards that passed as bridges. It was freezing, maybe 10 degrees outside, and I had all my alpaca gear on, two jackets, and my massively ripped jeans that let half my butt hang out (but they’re all I have). My core was warm, but I couldn’t feel my fingers, ass, or thighs much. However, despite the discomfort, I really enjoyed the ride. The cold didn’t bother me much, nor having to hold on tight, nor the ache in my back, nor all the bumps nearly knocking my ill-fitted helmet off. I was thankful for being strong enough to handle the ride, and almost anything in fact, so this was a walk in the park. If it was cold or hard, I knew it would end soon and just to enjoy the scenery and the experience while I could.

We arrived at the beautiful tourist center filled with hammocks and large wooden lunch tables. Rudi went off to get the equipment ready and I went to do some stretches in the sun to warm up. Then I lay down for a bit on the grass, soaking up the beauty of the farm. The air was starting to warm up as the morning grew on. It wasn’t long before we hitched a ride with the tour group to the river. It was now a sunny and warm 20 degrees. Rudi explained all the exercises, and I’m not sure why but I grew very nervous and scared with the anticipation of diving. We commenced our dive into the river, the water was cold, very cold, but not freezing, about 20 degrees. The river was beautiful with aquamarine colours and plenty of fish. I didn’t have too much trouble equalizing, but imagined I had more trouble than I actually had. My anxiety was building at the bottom of the river in anticipation of the exercises I had performed a dozen times successfully before in the pool, in my course in Toronto. Why was I afraid?? I didn’t know. It was like the fear I had last weak at Rio de Peixe before jumping off the rock, but more intense, more like the fear I had when I went skydiving. All I could think of was just fear, pushing out all rationale thinking, all thinking period, accept thoughts, like this is dangerous, I’m gonna drown, I can’t breath etc. Rudi asked me to remove the reg (regulator used for breathing underwater) out of my mouth and blow bubbles (the first exercise at the bottom of the river). (You need to always blow bubbles when the reg is not in your mouth in order to avoid your lungs from rupturing from expanding air if you accidentally start to surface, a condition you cannot feel, but one you can die from.) I filled with panic, intense panic and fear. I want to go home!! I want to surface!! I need to run!! Run, hide, scream!! AHHHHHHH!!! (so goes my calm resolve). And why so much trouble with such a simple exercise I had completed a dozen times before. I took the reg out and almost instantly felt out of air and shoved it back into my mouth, coughing and hyperventilating. Why was this so difficult? Rudi calmed me down. I wanted to quit. I was sooo cold, and sooo scared. Again, repeat. I repeated again, and again. This time it was better. We moved on and completed the first dive. Our third dive we took a boat up river and floated down river. Rudi was moving faster than me and I felt alone. I was scared and dizzy, not to mention really cold. The river was beautiful, really beautiful, and I did sort of enjoy the dive but it just wasn’t my day. Rudi asked me to do reg recovery exercise. That’s when you let go of the reg out of your mouth, you throw it away, and do a maneuver to try to find it and put it back in your mouth. But I was dizzy so I made him wait until I was comfortable. Finally I did the first exercise no problem. Than the second, same thing but this time I needed to reach back behind my head and find the line to my reg in order to recover it. I tried it but the reg was tied, stuck, I couldn’t get it!!! It was my octopus, (the emergency spare for my buddy and not mine). I had reached for the wrong one, and I was out of air. No reg!! It was stuck!! I started PANICKING!!! I started at Rudi with desperate fear pleading for help, but he didn’t help me, I reached for his reg but he wouldn’t give it to me! Finally he reached over and gave me my reg back, but by that time I took some water in and was coughing into my reg in a state of panic. Thanks bastard!! Again, repeat, he gestured. Again?? Ok fine. After a few minutes I tried again, and again the octopus!! Panic!! No air, no reg, help!!! However this time he helped me a little faster. One more time I repeated the exercise, reluctantly as if in the army training for a mission, but finally I got the right cable!! Yay!

As it turns out the set up I had was different than what I was use to, so I kept screwing up. I felt like a horrible failure. And I knew the only thing responsible for all the nonsense I had experienced was my irrational fear, fear that had come out of nowhere, and would not go away.

It was then time for the mask exercise, where you have to take your mask off and put it back on underwater, then fill it with air from your nose. I did it successfully but rather shitily a few times. Because I was so panicked, filled with fear, and freezing, I took in quite a bit of water through my nose trying to fill my mask. What was wrong with me? I was such a star in my scuba class last year? I think part of it was an understandable fear of being unfamiliar, that spiraled out of control when Rudi didn’t help me the first time, the first second I needed it. He completely shattered my confidence, and I was just filled with fear.

After the exercise we got out of the water, dried up. YES! And then had the magnificent buffet lunch that the tour serves at the reception. Later he dropped me at home at that was it.

The next morning he came to pick me up for my second day of scuba diving. We got to Rio Formosa, where I would complete my last two dives. The river I was told was a bone chilling 15 degrees, substantially colder than Rio da Prata from yesterday. This fact made me nervous, and added to my already present anxiety. I tried to persuade Rudi to take me to the other river, but seeing as how everything was ready for the dive and the other river was 50 km away, it was not going to happen. So I thought to myself, I can handle this. It will be an interesting challenge and I will see a new river, so why not.

We entered the ice river. It was beautiful, serene, and if not for the dozens of slow moving fish, I would have said frozen. The water was crystal clear with an aquamarine and baby blue backdrop of sand and giant logs presenting the most exquisite underwater obstacle course. Our first exercise was buoyancy control. I had to do laps at the bottom of the river between and under the logs. It was fun and interesting, but I was FREEZING. I wasn’t shivering yet when we terminated the exercise and proceeded upstream. It was truly beautiful but as the cold started to settle into my bones, it emptied my mind of will, and replaced it with a childlike irrational fear and frailty. I grew anxious as to how I would complete the exercises, and wondered if I even could, wishing not to. Finally Rudi gestured for me to empty my bcd (Buoyancy control device) and anchor myself at the bottom of the river. The moment I feared most had I arrived. Buddy breathing. I was supposed to remove the reg from my mouth and we would share air on his reg, two breaths for me, two breaths for him, ten times over. Why did my mind fill with panic for such an easy exercise that previously had been about as difficult as doing a cartwheel in an open field on a sunny day?

And so it began, I finally removed the reg from my mouth and began to blow bubbles, as you are supposed to do, waiting for him to take his two breaths and give the reg back to me. But the first breath he took, I began to feel he was taking too long. I needed air!! I couldn’t hold it!! Panic filled me as I knew I was a split second away from reluctantly breathing in a full breath of water. Please help me Rudi!!! As soon as he saw me panic and squirm he thankfully shoved the reg back into my mouth. Ahhh… AIR!!! Hurray for air!! I could breath!! Please don’t make me do this again. Give me back my reg, I gestured to him, but he refused. He stood there, floating in the water, blowing bubbles, with no air supply of his own, as I breathed on his reg for 2 breaths, 3 breaths, 4 breaths, 5 breaths, 6 breaths… Shit Rudi, give me my reg so I can give you yours, or you’ll die!! Dammit!! Fine!! I surrendered the reg to him but as soon as it left my mouth I’m not sure why but I panicked again. Instinctively against my will I breathed in water!! So even before the reg touched Rudi’s lips he shoved it back in my mouth. I coughed into it, chocking, breathing, chocking, coughing. The sting of the water hurt my nasal passage and my lungs. I was tired, cold, and scared, and Rudi was still without air, for what was probably growing to be a minute now. I took about 8 breaths, and looked at Rudi who was still blowing bubbles looking at me like he really needed oxygen, and still refusing to give me my reg back. So I knew the only way to do this was to calm down through compassion and a desire to help him, save him, give him air. So despite the sting in my chest, and the desire to keep coughing and breathing, and the fear, I took a deep breath and once again surrendered the reg to him, hoping, wishing, praying, I would get air again before I needed it. Rudi took one breath, and as if he understood gave me the reg back, I took 3 or 4 large swift breaths and gave it to him. He took one and gave it to me. I took 3 and gave it to him. He took one and gave it to me. And so the exchange continued until I felt calm. (But I still feel I have tiny lungs!!) Finally Rudi he gave me the reg back, and I couldn’t express the gratitude I had for his insight, patience, and perseverance, in forcing me to learn and overcome my fear and challenge.

I should have known better that to think he would let me quit after that. There was one more exercise to complete, emergency surfacing. Taking the reg out of your mouth and surfacing 5-6 meters without air, while blowing air bubbles. Rudi motioned to me that I could try this exercise swimming sideways because of the problems I had had in the past with equalizing my ears. So the exercise would be to swim sideways for 5-6 meters, without air, blowing small bubbles with my chin up and airway open (as mentioned, an important technique to prevent the life-threatning condition that can be caused by rupturing your lungs for air that naturally expands as you surface). So I tried once, but didn’t get too far before putting the reg back in my mouth, but I was determined to try again. So I did. I took the reg out and started to swim sideways, blowing bubbles, and without noticing it at first I was beginning to surface a little, and just as Rudi and all my previous scuba instructors beforehand had said, as my depth decreased my lungs magically filled with the air that was expanding. Therefore, as I surfaced my urge to breath decreased, the longer and higher I went. I began to feel more relaxed and I felt like I could do this forever, longer, and longer, and longer. Than magically I was at the surface!! Hurray!! Thank you Rudi!! You were right!! This exercise would surely increase my confidence as a diver because in an emergency I know knew how easy it would be to surface!!! Surfacing was always possible because the mere act of surfacing immediately increased your internal air supply!! Yay! Hurray!

So after all my failures, and difficulties, I finally got back a piece of my former confidence, and a tiny feeling of accomplishment. And after doubting myself, and wondering if I would ever be able to master this challenging sport that I so wanted to be able to do, I now felt a new confidence restored. I now knew that with time, practice, patience, and careful planning, I would be able to become the diver I always wanted to be.

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