Bolivia, its nearly amazing

South America » Bolivia » Cochabamba Department
October 12th 2011

Published: December 9th 2011

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chipsandgravy

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Ey up Gringos

We’re in Arequipa , Peru . But uuughhh I’m dying. I’m ill. You wouldn’t understand. Uggghh. I would kill everyone in this hostel just to be back at home on the couch with a cup of Yorkshire Tea and a couple of slices of toast. But I’ll fight my way through it cos I’m a man, a man’s man that just gets on with it and does it my way. I always say, ‘what would Chuck Norris do?’ He’d probably punch himself in the stomach until he was better. Beat those bugs up with his fists, no time for those white blood cells to sort it out. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. “Cheers love.” Judith’s just got back from the shop with a bottle of water for me and a bag of ready salted crisps. Ah bless.

Right where were we. Ah yes we were in Cochabamba in Bolivia and I was writing about Argentina and never wrote anything about Bolivia so I’ll do that now then. We crossed the border into Bolivia and hopped on a banger of a bus which looked nothing like the bus on the photo they showed

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us when we bought the tickets (shock) and we headed to Tupiza. We were still with our loved up German friends who we found out had only been together a few weeks prior to coming to Bolivia . Bit mental. It took me and Judith 3 months to go to Scotland on holiday together never mind Bolivia after 2 weeks of meeting. But I suppose Scotland and Bolivia do have a few things in common, roaming countryside, men in dresses, short life expectancy etc.

In Tupiza we took our 4 day (3 night) tour of the Salar de Uyuni. On the first day our driver told us he liked European music and asked us if we wanted to put on our ipod. I promptly plugged in my ipod and gave him blast of some quality tunes from Kasabian, Oasis, The Verve, Stone Roses, The Jam etc. The second and third day he didn’t let us plug in our music and made us listen to Miley Cyrus and some Bolivian version of Black Lace on repeat. He did however come up trumps when he put in his 80’s love ballards album just at the moment the German couple

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had had a massive barny. Me and Judith were silently killing ourselves in the back of the Jeep as the following songs came on the stereo whilst tears were being shed:

Careless Whisper – George Michael

Love on the Rocks – Neil Diamond

Eternal Flame – Bangles

I want to know what love is – Foreigner

I nearly choked when that saxophone solo comes in on Careless Whisper. You’ll be pleased to know that they made up later on.

I think Judith’s favourite part of the whole trip was watching me nearly die after thinking I was Lionel Messi playing football at 4500 metres above sea level with some Bolivian kids. Lets be honest even most professional sports people struggle to perform at high altitude let alone a chubby lad from Bradford . To be fair there isn’t much for me to say about the actual sights of the trip. I’m not particularly good at writing positively about things so you can have a look at the photos and make your own assessment. I thought it was alright. There's a photo link for each day (at the bottom).

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At the end of the fourth day we arrived into Uyuni where we promptly decided to leave as it took us ten minutes to find somewhere that didn’t smell of wee to have our dinner only to be greeted with the sight of 10 dogs “take it in turns” on one smaller dog. Thankfully the bus we took from Uyuni to our next destination Potosi was probably the worst bus I have ever been on bus and I spent half my youth on the 641 to Buttershaw. They had over allocated our bus so we had about 10 extra people standing for the entire 7 hour trip. To make matters worse one of the women looked like E Honda from Street Fighter 2 and spent the first hour of the trip offering out the driver who looked like a Bolivian Michael Bolton . Our money was on E Honda. The bus only broke down once which was good and it was only midnight on the outskirts of what was potentially quite a hostile town. We felt protected by our bus driver though. No man could carry off such a beautiful perm without being really nails.

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Potosi is the highest city of its size in the world (whatever that means) and is listed as a Unesco World Heritage Site, assumedly on the account of how many stray dogs there are and how much the entire city smells of wee. We especially liked that all the restaurants and cafes close for lunch. How does that work? The main tourist attraction this city offers is tours of the still operational Cerro Rico Silver Mines. We thought the guide book really sold it to us:

“Cerro Rico was described by one Spanish chronicler in the mid-16th century as ’the mouth of hell’, and visitors should be aware that descending into its bowels is both physically and emotionally draining. The mine entrances are above 4000 m and you will be walking, or rather crouching, around, breathing in noxious dust and gases, and seeing people working in appalling conditions in temperatures up to 40°C. Wear old clothes and take torch and a handkerchief or mask to filter the dusty air, which includes asbestos fibres.”

We didn’t go. We also heard that you have to sign a disclaimer which says if you get

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killed it’s not their fault. If you don’t have to sign a disclaimer to get on a bus in Bolivia then the mine tours must be really dangerous. Instead we spent a few days just pottering around the city which after we had gotten used to the wee, was quite nice. Oh and I had llama burger and chips which was also quite nice.

We left Potsi and said goodbye to our German friends after a week of travel (holiday) together and headed to Cochabamba which the guide book told us was rubbish so we went anyway and we loved it. I am really starting to hate the toffs at Lonely Planet. Half of the restaurants they recommend don’t exist plus they think that the only thing that people want to see when they are travelling (on holiday) is Churches or Museums. The Lonely Planet always mentions a Gringo Trail (typical travelers route through South America) in a disparaging manner like it is something that should not be travelled and alternative less trodden and seemingly less interesting routes should be taken, just cos that’s what ‘real travelers do'. IT’S GOT TOURISTS ON THIS TRAIL BECAUSE THERES STUFF

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TO SEE ON IT YOU DIVS! If I was Chuck Norris in the Lonely Planet office right now I would be dishing out some seriously high roundhouse kicks in a seriously tight pair of jeans.

Cochabamba was really relaxed and warm as it was at low altitude. Although there were many sights to see whilst we were there (most of them closed) but one that sticks to mind it when we saw a man crouched in a bus bonnet topping up the water whilst someone was driving it. Remember that the next time you slag off your job. We were only supposed to stay in Cochabamba for a couple of nights but we stayed for about 4, not because we really liked it but because there was rioting and they had closed off the road to La Paz . Ah rioting, reminds me of home. But we did really like it there so it wasn’t a big deal. It gave us time to relax and read our books (yes I’ve started mine – I’m at page 56). We also did a few crosswords but realised that after 8 and a half weeks of travel (holiday) our brains

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are turning to mush.

4 letters. Usain_______ Aptly named sprinter. Judith put FAST

3 letters. ______ Craven, scream director. I put JON.

We let the dust settle and then headed off to La Paz . Travelling on dangerous buses is not enough for me and the wife now so we have taken to running in front of them whilst they are moving and trying to jump on them also whilst moving with our big rucksacks on. We managed it so rewarded our selves with an ice lolly. La Paz was a bit mental. You could buy llama foetus’ in the market which says it all. Judith wouldn’t let me. We saw more tourists in the first half an hour of being there than we’d seen on the entire trip in Bolivia . Every night we were woken up about midnight by people practicing throwing fireworks and playing brass band music outside our hostel. It was leading up to a Fiesta in the neighbourhood we were staying in. When we asked why there was a Fiesta they told us it was just cos.

Following La Paz , we were

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supposed to be heading up to the Jungle in Rurrenabaque but because of the rioting we didn’t bother. So we headed to Copacabana on Lake Titicaca . We decided to ignore the advice of the morons at Lonely Planet who suggest the best way to get to Copacabana is by public transport which means you need to get 3 buses via one of the worst areas in La Paz and you save about a quid but that’s what real travelers do yah. We opted for the tourist bus which picks you up from the hostel (you know the ones full of French and Germans with matching tracksuits and massive bumbags) and it cost us about £4.

Copacabana was a nice relief from the craziness of La Paz . Our hostel was set up on the hillside with a nice view of the lake. It was clean and had hammocks in the garden where you could relax and watch the lake glisten in the sunlight and breathe in the wonderful smell of the pig farm next door. Bolivia nearly gets things right but just not quite. We think the strap line for the Bolivian Tourist Board should be:

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‘ Bolivia , it’s nearly amazing’

We took a couple of days on the Isla del Sol which I can’t praise enough. For serious. It was cracking. We left Bolivia after about 2 and a half weeks of travel (holiday) and have mixed feelings about it. It is probably the best and worse place we’ve been so far. The people either seemed to really like you or just be plain rude. The food was amazing but also disgusting at times. The Salar de Uyuni and the Isla del Sol were probably the most amazing and beautiful places I’ve ever seen yet some of the other places we passed by were just a bit shit. But I think in a weird way we will miss the disorganisation and mentalness of it all and it may be something we don’t get to see in any of the other countries we visit. Where we off after Peru ? Guatemala , yes that should be completely normal.

See you in a bit

Ste and Judith x x

Salt flats

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