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Published: March 27th 2009
Gerry
Winner of the Atlantic Beard Growing Competition!Salvador de Bahia, Brazil
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Canadian Crowned Champion of Atlantic Ocean Beard-Growing Competition. Gerry of Dawson City, Yukon has been proclaimed the overall winner of the Inaugural Atlantic Ocean Beard-Growing Competition, an event held over the month of January during the crossing of the Southern Atlantic Ocean by a large gathering of sailboats participating in the Heineken Cape-to-Bahia race and World ARC sailing rally.
Not normally a person to sport face furniture, Gerry was ecstatic when chosen unanimously over a field of 21 entrants by a panel of blindfolded judges at the final weigh-in. The weigh-in was held in the marina tavern of Salvador, Brazil.
When reached for comment, Gerry denied that being a man of Northern latitudes gave him a competitive edge. "I will admit that the Yukon is a good training ground for growing a proper beard," he said, "but the real key to successful beard-growing lies in good genes and a strict adherence to a rigorous schedule of shampooing and conditioning."
The rules of the competition were quite simple. Participants were required to shave between New Year's Day and January 3rd, the start date of the ocean crossing. Because most of
Human Chia Pets
The best thing about growing a beard is that it makes your nose hairs less noticeable. the competition's duration occured in International Waters, contestants needed not to adhere to the normal standards of an officially-sanctioned beard-growing event. That said, all sailors claimed their beards were free of surgical implants and none had used any performance-enhancing drugs with the exception of an occaisonal dose of Viagra.
Points were awarded for length and girth, style, consistency and softness, as well as trim quality. Curiously, points were not awarded for beard hygiene. The female judges were selected at random - or more specifically, the only ones who didn't flee when approached by a group of 21 hairy sailors (who had been at sea for up to 3 weeks) carrying blindfolds. In fact, their willingness to participate is still a hotly debated subject of interest.
The judges, Julia and Janet of Britain, admitted their job was a daunting task. "Most of the beards were very hard to judge properly," they commented. "Many contained food crumbs and seabird nests which were distracting. It's also hard to award points fairly when many of the competitors possess more than one chin."
Other prizes were awarded for notable soup-strainers. New Zealander Adrian, winner of the "Best Looking Beard" award, seemed overcome
Sooooo soft..
The judges not only liked his beard, but also found scraps of last night's apple pie. by the newfound fame. "Winning this prize has changed my life forever! This is without doubt the most significant thing that has ever happened to me," he gushed before collapsing into tears of joy and being helped back to his cabin by supporters.
James of Britain received an honourable mention by completing altering his appearance and winning the "Man Incognito Award". He proudly stated that he had observed all trimming protocol laid out by the Royal Beard-and-Moustache Association and had kept a detailed hourly log on his beard's progress.
Racking up huge points in the girth department was Wolfgang of Germany. He was awarded the prestigious "Longest Beard Award". Wolfgang looked very pleased, and as a man of very large stature, he provided evidence that hair may actually grow faster at higher altitudes. Behind him, Bob of Britain, winner of the "Santa Claus Award" looked on.
Women were also encouraged to enter the competition in the "Open Division", the only rule being that any body part could be entered as long as it had been shaven in Cape Town and thoroughly inspected and publicly waxed upon arrival to Brazil. Sadly, no women stepped forwarded to accept the
Gerry's Weigh-in
Hey no fair! He's got 2 chins! challenge.
Contest officials would like to thank all the participants and especially the judges for the enormous success of the event. See you next year!
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Photos by Mandy P.
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Bree
non-member comment
You didn't win???????
I'm surprised that you didn't win!!!!!!! It's too bad there no female participants..I'm sure you would have happily judged. Not much longer now......see you soon!