Cops and Worms

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My evening in Christchurch included dinner at “Mexico Restaurant” which served up hipster tacos with things like “pumpkin slaw” on them followed by heading to a pub for some refreshing adult beverages. Dave and I only found two of the Top Deck staff there at first but we were soon joined by Kris, Bec, Katie, Lewis, Ben and Becky. Kris brought us all shots of what tasted like apple juice but came in a teapot… maybe it was like a long island ice tea where all the alcohol magically cancels itself out? We booked two pool tables and Dave, Ben, and I played at the self-proclaimed amateurs’ table. We managed to get three games in before Dave and I called it a night. Much as I would have enjoyed staying out I wanted to kill off this cold and take advantage of the first truly comfortable bed I’d had all trip. And the precious air conditioning.

The morning was much like the previous evening, cool and cloudy. Our journey would take us up and over New Zealand’s Southern Alps to the Fox Glacier on the west coast. During a pit stop at Arthur’s Pass, Della and I concluded that being from Calgary pretty much turns you into a scenery snob. Certainly New Zealand has a stunning variety of scenery and I have loved every minute of it. And this morning offered some of the best views I had seen all trip. But I keep catching myself thinking “This area looks like Jasper/Banff/Waterton back home.” Hashtag privileged or blessed or whatever the kids say on the old Facepage or Twitbook these days.

We stopped in Hokitika for lunch and a break from the road. I had dressed for the cool weather to the east but now that we were over the mountains things had warmed up substantially. In Christchurch we had added some new members to our tour group. We got to know Larissa, Whitney, and Lani over lunch before splitting up to wander around town. Dave, Mike, Jacob, and I went to a small animal exhibit which had a Kiwi bird enclosure. Since they’re nocturnal and very skittish it was unlikely we would ever see one in the wild. Their enclosure is very dark so you have to look closely to see one but thankfully they are much bigger than I expected. This one was about the size of chicken and was running around like a spaz. The exhibit also had a big tank of eels which were over 100 years old. They basically looked like sock puppets from hell and I’m sure that I’ll have nightmares tonight.

As we left Hokitika, our bus suddenly came to a stop. A policeman stood by the side of the road. Everyone hurried to put on their seatbelt. Kathi rushed to the back of the bus to find an open seat, as hers didn’t seem to want to connect. Jess, our guide, grabbed the microphone to explain that this sort of thing happens all the time and they probably just wanted to see the driver’s papers. Turns out they wanted to bring our bus to the scales for a weight check. We kept driving for what seemed like ages, suspicious of where exactly these scales were. Perhaps somewhere there weren’t going to be any witnesses. Jess, laughing in the way one does when they’re secretly panicking, asked “So would the larger boys at the back mind swapping seats with some of the girls in the front? They usually weigh the back axle so…” Sounded like we were operating on pretty tight margins here. All the big blokes including myself stumbled our way forward while bus kept driving. Jess explained depending on how much overweight the bus was Top Deck may just get a fine or the police may make us drive back to town to have our bus confiscated. Not sure what would happen after that. We all sat in anticipation. The cop smiled. Then he laughed. Was it a light-hearted “you’re alright” laugh or was it a “oh man you’re fucked” laugh? We couldn’t tell. Jess came back on the microphone to announce we were overweight but within the acceptable tolerance. Top Deck wouldn’t have to punt off passengers after all.

The afternoon drive was mostly quiet. The sun beat down through the windows and riding on the twisty mountain road tired everyone out. Lewis regaled the entire bus over microphone with a reading from a book of Scottish short stories. I had the advantage of having read the book beforehand so I was able to pick up pretty much everything that was said. Others perhaps not so much. We stopped in Whataroa for a much needed ice cream bar before heading onto Lake Matheson for a quick walk. As the group made it to the viewing platform, Kathi commented, in only the way a German could, “Oh a forest and a lake, just like Germany.” See, it’s not only Canadians who are scenery snobs. But that what happens when you’re baseline for a mountain lake is Lake Louise. Our accommodations for tonight were… different than last night. We’d be at a hostel with bunk beds and communal bathrooms. But it was alright though. They made lamb shanks for our dinner which were immensely satisfying after the long drive.

After sundown our bus driver, John, would lead the group on a walk to see the glow worms out in the nearby woods. To see them one would have to walk in total darkness so John got us to form one giant safety conga line. It’d probably be easier to herd cats than get our group together like that. We eventually got coordinate and formed a line. I had Lara in front of me and Mike behind me. Mike and Jacob started making creepy comments within about 6 seconds to which I felt obligated to banter back. I managed to keep track of Lara and the rest of the safety conga line as people trundled through the darkness, trying not to trip into the stream beside the path. I’m sure in the daylight we would have looked absolutely ridiculous and I was convinced the woods were filled with night vision cameras to capture all the lunacy. But we did see a lot of worms. They looked like stars in the darkness of the woods. John informed us that it was the worms’ intestines which glowed and given the chance they will eat each other. So they’re basically cannibalistic grubs with glowing shit. Magical.

I finished the night at the bar chatting to Izzy and Ash from Canberra; mostly about Canada. Lewis and Kris took turns on the karaoke machine. I hadn’t really reached the point where I wanted to join as the beer here seemed oddly weak. But there’s still a weekend in Queenstown ahead of us for those sort of shenanigans.

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Photos

Southern Alps
Not too shabby

Donut
In where else but Springfield, NZ

Arthur Pass
Reminds me of home... somewhere

Gross Eels
"Come closer... I want to absorb your essence and soul"

Lake Matheson
Fox Glacier in Background

Lake Matheson
Now with a rugged Canadian "mountain man"

United Nations Lake Matheson Summit
Representatives from USA, Denmark, Australia, and Canada presiding