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Joke of the Day: Two Floridians and an Aussie were driving up the mountain to see snow.
That is both the joke and the punchline...read on to discover why!! (And, just a little warning to all our non-Floridian readers who are well-acquainted with winter, you are going to find this blog very, very entertaining).
So. Here it is, the end of May, and Queenstown had yet to see any permanent snowfall for the winter season. We've had dustings here and there, but it always melts off the mountaintops within a day or two. Well, not anymore. On Tuesday, it start snowing...and it did not stop until yesterday! Let me emphasize that it did not snow here in town. That happens rarely, maybe once a year or so, I'm told. No, the snowfall was centered on and around the spectacular Remarkables (sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it?). Jeremy and I and our northern-Aussie co-worker Tania (who had never seen snow in her entire life) spent an entire breakfast shift staring out the sixth-floor window of our restaurant, drooling like idiots over the beautiful mountains. Then we came up with a brilliant idea...after our shifts, let's drive up the mountain
to go see it!
As I was the only person with even limited experience driving in winter conditions (and by limited, I mean one time about six years ago, driving through a dusting of snow in West Virginia), I was elected to drive. So we bundled up and piled into our pitiful little Corolla, then went zooming up the Remarks, up the same road I sent you pictures of in the last blog. Only a slight rise in elevation, and our windshield was getting hammered with snowflakes. Imagine the joy and screaming and shouting of two pathetic Floridians and an Aussie, in hysterics over a couple of snowflakes. Yes, there is absolutely no excuse for us whatsoever!
We drove ever onward, our mouths agape at each bend in the road that revealed yet another stunning snow-covered hill, mountain, or pass. At last we reached the level where the snow was sticking to the ground, probably only a mile or two back from the ski field. As there were a couple of other vehicles zipping right along up the roadway, we figured, "What the heck? If they can make it, so can we." There was only a touch of
And This is as Far as We Got...
I did manage to stop before I saw the ice up ahead...snow on the roadway, so after snapping a million photos, up we climbed. All was going well until we hit ice.
Now, as you look at the pictures that tell the tale of this experience, you will notice a large patch of ice directly on the roadway in front of me. Let me assure you that, although I'm absolutely clueless about driving in winter, I am not THAT much of an idiot. I saw the ice and managed to stop our car just before we came to it. The only problem was...we were already on the ice that was hidden under the snow on the road. All three of us held our breaths as the car slowly began creeping backwards, sliding at an angle, with the front of the car pointing towards the ditch on the inside of the road, and the back of the car now aimed at the sheer drop-off on the opposite of the road...with no guard rail. You could hear a pin drop as the car miraculously came to a stop.
So, great. We had come to a stop. At a forty-five degree angle. On a steep mountain road covered in ice. With no
Winter Driving 101
...however, I missed the ice I was already on top of! guardrail behind us. And a four-foot ditch in front of us that my front tires were only inches away from. At this point, only one thought is going through my mind:
"Where are the freakin' palm trees?" Jeremy and Tania carefully get out of the car, as we figure the less weight in the vehicle, the better. Despite the tension in the air, we all laugh hysterically as Tania slips on the ice and falls flat on her butt in the roadway. Jeremy valiantly offers to drive, but the second I take my foot off the brake, the car starts to slide, so I figure I'm stuck finishing what I started. Tania stepped over the ditch to help me with the front, and Jeremy stood behind the car...not that there was much they could do, really, except tell me if I was getting too close one way or the other. With sweaty hands and a pounding heart, I somehow managed to get the nose of my car, inch by inch, to do a controlled pivot all the way around, until I was now facing straight down the road. This process took probably five minutes and is one of the
scariest things I have EVER experienced. I was absolutely trembling as I managed to get the car down off the icy part and back to where the road was safe. Tania and Jeremy came (carefully) walking down the road behind me. Overjoyed that we were all alive, we decided to throw snowballs. I mean, really...why not?
And here I will pause, to give all you New Englanders, Canadians, and everyone else NOT from the stupid tropics a chance to laugh and make fun of us. Go ahead. Let it all out. Have a great, great laugh at our expense. No, really, enjoy yourselves...okay. Done yet? Thanks.
So, our one and ONLY trip up the Remarks in wintertime taught me a valuable lesson - when we go snowboarding this winter, we will be riding with someone else or taking the shuttle! Even with chains, winter driving lessons, experienced passengers, or whatever else, I would not dare take our vehicle up there again. So you needn't worry that we're going to do something else dumb. Two Floridians and an Aussie...what WERE we thinking??
Aside from that, we've just been enjoying the spectacular weather the past couple of days! Yes,
it is cold (the other night it was -7C, which is...help me out, guys...about 19F?), but it is so beautiful, we couldn't care less. We've also managed to get ourselves sucked into (of all things) swing dancing lessons!! A couple of the congregations around the island are getting together in July for a little "talent show," and we're going to be dancing with two other couples to "Zoot Suit Riot." Our first lesson was last night, and it was the most fun we've had in a very long time! We're even going to be renting costumes from a shop in Arrowtown, hopefully sparkly flapper-style dresses and sequined-feathered headband for the girls, and pin-striped suits and fedora hats for the guys. It should be awesome!! Will have lots more details and photos, of course, as it gets closer.
I've also been collecting funny ads from our paper that I've forgotten to put in here the last couple of blogs, so sit back and have a laugh at these (for the first one, "ginger" is the British expression for a red-head):
Do you like gingers? Do you like hairy men? What about Welsh men? For the full experience, call Cwyllog (qway-log). Low low rates!
Get back at your boyfriend for cheating on you, sell me his Metallica ticket! I never cheated on anyone. I deserve it.
Stinky...how many times do I have to tell you, Sheepy doesn't like showers in the morning!
And these two are the absolute best...one appeared two weeks ago, and the other is a response from this week:
Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. Serious inquiries only. Will get paid when we return, must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. Have only done it once before!
Looking to go back in time! I've got a chainsaw weapon! Is your time-machine cancer-free? I want to go back and tell Einstein, "Nuclear bomb is a bad idea! Trust me, don't do it!" Sigh. We love Queenstown. What can we say?
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Matt
non-member comment
You're right
You were right, I did crack up.... literally, a tear came to my eye... That was a priceless one. Hope you guys are having a blast. Miss you lots.