Middle Earth

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Heh ho peeps and freaks and other forms of mutants who like to keep in touch with this bill bloggin flogging story post making earth shaking input that gets typed through my fingers…! If it at all ever makes any sense, you are better persons than the likes of a being like me is to be able to understand it…!

So yeah, I’m still in bloody Bolivia, when in fact I’ve travelled 4 weeks through Argentina, saw loads of other stuff (including 2 more Christs, and a lot more mountains)…then I jumped on a jet plane for the first time in 5 months…WOW….that experience deffo beats a bus any day - 11 hours on a plane…I could travel to space and be happy on a plane after my toll with buses over the last 6 months!!!

So, Lets leave them bits for now and get on with the current climate (well all four seasons of them)…because Mr. Marco, Sparco, Burnsie, Kiddo, Little soilder guy is now in New Zealand…But before we continue…a quick round up perhaps!

...5 months, 5 countries, about 16 hostels, 8 pousadas, 7 beaches, 6 crossings through the Andes, 400 odd hours on a coach, god knows how many miles...loads of girls, fell in love with every one, 100 new friends on facebook, 2 new hairstyles, 4 pairs of flip flops, 5 hats, 3 towels, 3 injuries, a whole truck load of beer, a whole bus full of rum, lost a stone...but gained a hell of a load of memories!! Roll on the next continent…!

And now…well right now I’m sitting in a Library (because it’s the only place I can get free internet now I’m back in Western civilisation!) in a place called Greymouth - apparently the biggest town on the Western shore of the South Island…Well, its no bigger than Saintfield to be fair - or maybe a lil bit…but a backward Kiwi town none the less!...And we have hired a campervan..I say we I mean myself and 2 young English lads, prospering to become future dramatic film makers as we are currently 2 days into our 2 weeks shooting of the re-make of Lord of the Rings…its gonna be awesome, an absolute sell out at the cinema by the look of the film reels so far...The voices of Gollum and Gandolf have been perfected by all three cast members, our 3 highly trained directors are all extremely experienced in the art of making good entertainment and the Camera men…well what can I say - when you’re hanging upside down from a tree with the camera in your mouth and still able to shoot some of the most epic scenes ever brought to light, you know you’ve found your true calling in life!...But enough of the film…more updates on that to come…How about New Zealnd…

Well, for a start I can’t spell the bloody country…New Zealnd…some mixuples in my illiterate skills on the keyboard, bring back my mouse and photoshop!...But yeah…Remember I raved about the salt flats and the landscapes and the scenery and how you can travel through so much in the space of 3 days...Forget that will ye! New Zealnd, you can travel it all in 3 hours! And also go through all 4 seasons in the same width of time. I flew into Auckland and outstayed the welcome - when you’re sittin in a TV room for 3 films in a row you really know its time to pack your bags and move on….So, up to the Bay of islands. This is the spot where Captain Cook first discovered New Zealnd and met the mighty warriors called the Maoris’…lucky for him he had an interpreter and they didn’t slay his men…So, he came into the Bay of islands, saw the dolphins in the water flip flapping under his boat and got himself into a wetsuit only to be told that he couldn’t swim with the dolphins this day because there were lil ones in the water and they might get harmed…So he got to dry land and jumped onto a big bus (back in the 1800’s - yeah right Mark) for a day trip up to the cape - the highest spot in New Zealnd where the Pacific and Indian oceans meet!...And loads of maori legend about sending old warrior spirits off to the dying land for peace and tranquillity blah blah blah…Aye…I was paying attention. In between that and the geology lesson they give you every 5 minutes about why the rocks are whatever colour they are and how tectonic plates meet to make these mountains rise up…So on one hand they tell you the old Maori warriors built the hills and then they tell you its because of the earths crust, etc…I’m confused! But wanna believe the Maori legends instead! Anywho…that was a good trip said Captain Cook as he followed the path down 90 mile beach and nearly got stuck in the sand! He then saw a big Orange bus…and thought to himself…’The futures bright - the futures Orange’…So on he jumped only to be met by this mental 19 yr old girl - Jemma - from Lisbellaw with an accent as strong as his! And hence we formed ‘TEAM CARLSBERG’. Good luck to everyone else on the bus understanding them…because they could barely understand each other at this point!...So 6 days ensued, with plenty of banter and spooning in tents…They stopped at a maori sacred house for an evening and witnessed the Haka traditional dance, and also had an attempt themselves…Silly Captain Cook trying to pull silly faces - give him a slap!..Continue onwards for some surfing and then a visit to an Irish bar beside a lake…Hang on, how did an Irish bar turn up in New Zealnd when I only discovered it 2 weeks ago asked Captain Cook!..? Anyway…can’t blame them - always the best craic, as captain Cook got drunk and won all 3 contests for free beer…he was later escorted off the dancefloor for being too drunk and not allowed to partake anymore (because he was cleaning up against the rest of the opposition!)…But allas…the next morning times got fun!

Half 7 pick-up you say…perhaps a little drunk I say, We’re doing what…?!!? SKYDIVING…I thought it was rafting…15’000ft…ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?!!?

Okay..why not, lets jump out of a plane for the hell of it!

And it was MENTAL!

Do it do it do it do now…… if you ever wanna feel free and adrenaline pump through your head like its about to explode, get yourself up high and fling yourself out of the plane…just make sure your attached to some crazy Canadian caper that has a parachute on his back! Or else you might die - frankly…I did have suggested Canadian caper, not that he was much help as he put me through what felt like a tumble slide twist turn swing round and round at 90mph for a good 40 seconds of the 60 second free fall until I was about to throw…But I didn’t - which was a bonus! (did on the bus though about an hour later, but we’ll not go into that too much!)

And then to Wellington…ciao for NOW team Carlsberg…off different paths, I need to find me a camper! With 2 hot rings, a sink, 2 double beds, some sheets, curtains, radio with IPOD link, and a steering wheel preferably…Oh..Freedom campers - happy days thanks very much sir…I’ll try not to write it off but don’t trust myself so have the extra 30 quid to cover me! Bring on the beaches, sandjunes, dirtracks and ¼ mile strip! She is a weapon!...except in 5th gear up a hill, 40 tonne arctics overtaking…! I do miss the Rex…oh I do…because these roads are amazing. I sat on that Orange bus for a week and saw nothing apart from decks of cards and empty beer bottles! But the scenery out here in the south island is breathtaking!!! And the fact I am staring out the window of our beast of a campervan for 4 - 5 hours a day…I see it all…We woke up in a campsite the other morning that we found in the dark and realised there where snow capped mountains up on one side and a river flowing down on the other…The place was awesome!!! We have since been through a coupe of towns and seen some random peeps everywhere…The kiwi’s truly are a cool race, nearly as cool as the Irish to be fair but always sound and helpful and willing to do whatever they can to help you out on your travels and troubles…

So off down the West coast we travelled, Captain Cook and his new band of merry men ...Phil and Sam...! 2 English lads straight out of school from Tunbridge Wells...! But more mature than the rest those lil English ejits you find on your travels this part of the world! I’m being serious like...I met more Northern Irish people in the first week and a half in New Zealnd than I did in 5 months South America...What a lil travelled race we are, or just taking the easy option travelling to places where they can understand us - just about. So down the coast, Captain Cook got out his directors chair again and stopped in Gold country to film the mine scenes for his upcoming epic movie. And thus to Eisengard - past the frosty mountains and glaciers...Fox Glacier in fact for the lighting of the beacons, etc!...that was cool...crampons and an axe, lets chop through ice and bring some back for the whisky on ice waiting down below. Yeah, pretty chilly...But walking on Ice isn’t like walking on the moon, or any other surface...its pretty cool (ha - get the pun) ...was brilliant, especially when you’re surrounded by rainforest each side - not exactly the North Pole here, but again...this is New Zealnd...awesome banter...

So now I must fly and drive my band of merry men on down the coast to look for a lonely beach for us to go for a mid afternoon swim! And then more spag-bol on our legendary cook-er-top!..

Have fun you all, got some photos here this time...hope you enjoy them! Missing most of you...

Ciao Ciao for NOW!

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